Customer: “Excuse me, but do you have anything I can spray on my flowers to keep the bees off them?”
Me: “You want to keep the bees off your flowers?”
Customer: “Yes. Do you sell that?”
Me: “Do you understand how flowers work?”
Did you find this story using our World Bee Day roundup?
(An elderly customer we have orders a new credit card, like clockwork, every two weeks.)
Me: “Hello, ma’am. This is [Credit Card Company]. We were reviewing your history with us and we noticed that you get a new one every two weeks.”
Caller: “Of course I do! They won’t work!”
Me: “What exactly is wrong with it, ma’am?”
Caller: “The magnetic strip isn’t working!”
Me: “How can you tell this?”
Caller: “Well, when I put it on the fridge, it just falls off!”
This story is part of the Clueless With Credit Cards roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!
23 Ridiculous Stories About Weird Customers You’ll Meet At The Bank
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Read the Clueless With Credit Cards roundup!
Guest: “Hi, I just accidentally ordered a movie, and I didn’t mean to. Take it off my bill.”
Me: “Let me just look that up.”
(I see that he’s had a movie voided off his bill every day he’s been here this week. I had my manager listen in.)
Me: “Sir? You say this was a mistake?”
Guest: “Yeah, I didn’t mean to order it.”
Me: “It looks like you’ve asked that a movie be voided off your bill every day that you’ve been here this week. Is that correct?”
Guest: “Yeah, it’s this stupid TV. It just starts the movies even if you don’t want them to start. It’s not my fault. I was just looking at the description.”
(My boss goes over to our cable system, where we look at each movie order and the length of time they’ve watched each movie. Based on the price, we knew he was watching ‘adult’ films.)
Me: “Sir, it looks like you’ve watched this movie for 20 minutes. Is there a reason you watched that much before calling us?”
Guest: “I don’t need the d*** movie anymore, okay? I don’t need it anymore!”
Me: “Sir, that is too much information, and we will not be crediting any more movies off your bill.”
This story is part of our customers give TMI roundup!
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This story is part of the American States roundup!
Me: “Public library, how may I help you?”
Caller: “Hi, I have kind of a dumb question.”
Me: “Well, what’s your question?”
Caller: “I need to know what the seven continents are.”
Me: “Oh, that’s not a dumb question. Why don’t you tell me which ones you know and I’ll tell you which ones you’re missing.”
Caller: “Okay, thanks. Let’s see…North America, South America, Asia, Africa, France, Italy…”
Me: “Whoa, hold up. France and Italy aren’t continents.”
Caller: “Really?”
Me: “You said North America, South America, Asia, Africa… The ones you’re missing are Europe, Antarctica…”
Caller: *writing this down* “Okay…”
Me: “…and Australia.”
Caller: “Oh yeah! Austria! Okay, thanks so much.”
This story is part of our Geography roundup.
(I work as a cart attendant at a popular retail store. It is a rather slow day and my coworker and I are getting ready to go get more carts when I hear our undercover security guard yelling.)
Undercover Guard: “[Security Guard], stop this guy! He stole an iPod!”
(The security guard heads the guy off at the front but the shoplifter pulls a knife.)
Shoplifter: “Let me by or I’ll cut the s*** out of you!”
(Due to company policy, the security guard has to let him pass due to safety reasons. The shoplifter tries to run out the entrance while a rather elderly looking man is entering. The elderly man then proceeds to clothesline the thief, jump on top of him, punch him in the face, and disarm him. The elderly man stands up.)
Elderly Man: “I got him!”
(All four of us are astonished at what has just happened. As the security guard hauls the shoplifter into the security office to await the police, my fellow cart attendant and I start talking to the old man.)
Coworker: “That was the coolest thing I’ve seen all year!”
Me: “Yeah, where did you learn to do that!?”
Elderly Man: “Oh, that was nothing! I learned how to do that from my DI in basic years ago!”
(It turns out he was a Marine veteran who fought through WWII, the Korean War, and Vietnam! The man was made an honorary employee and given the employee discount for life!)
This story is part of our Veteran’s Day roundup!
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Read the Veteran’s Day roundup!
