Me: “Thank you for calling customer service. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”
Elderly Customer: “Are you a person? A real live person?”
Me: “Yes, ma’am, I certainly am.”
Elderly Customer: “I got a person! I GOT A PERSON! Oh, my goodness, I got a real person!”
This story is part of the Man-Vs-Machine-themed roundup!
Read the next Man-Vs-Machine-themed roundup story!
Read the Man-Vs-Machine-themed roundup!
(We have a coupon for a free entrée. A new waitress comes up and asks me a question.)
Coworker: “How do I handle two coupons?”
Me: “What?”
Coworker: “My table of three by the window. They got the entrées and waters. They want to use two coupons.”
Me: “They can’t use two coupons. It says ‘one per group’. Tell her to save it for next week.”
Coworker: “She says they are two groups. So they want to use two coupons.”
Me: “They can’t use two coupons because it’s only one check.”
(She leaves, but comes back a few minutes later.)
Coworker: “She says she wants separate checks.”
Me: “Tell her she can’t have separate checks just because she wants to use two coupons.”
(She leaves, but comes back a few minutes later.)
Coworker: “They want to talk to a manager.”
(A third coworker and I argue over what to do, as the manager isn’t here tonight. Reluctantly, I go out to the table, posing as the manager. I tell them the same thing that the waitress told them.)
Me: “Ma’am, our policy is that coupons can only be used one per group. You are all obviously one group, as you are sitting at the same table.”
(Irately, the woman grabs the table; which happens to be two separate tables placed together, and moves them about six inches apart.)
Customer: “There. Now we are two separate tables.”
Me: *trying to remain courteous* “I’ll see what I can do.”
(I go back, separate the checks, apply the discounts, and take both checks to the table.)
Me: “I can take that when you are ready.”
(She fishes in her purse, and hands me her credit card.)
Customer: “Use my card to pay for both!”
This story is part of the Confused-By-Coupons roundup!
Read the next Confused-By-Coupons roundup story!
Read the Confused-By-Coupons roundup!
Customer: “Can you recommend a perfect anti-virus to use on my computer?”
Me: “At the rate viruses are coming out, sir, there isn’t really any that protect your computer perfectly.”
Customer: “So, they don’t really work?”
Me: “No, not really, sir.”
Customer: “Oh. Well, which one doesn’t work the least?”
(Note: we sell fake jelly fish as tank decorations.)
Me: “May I help you?”
Customer: “I want some jelly fish, but I need you to answer some questions first.”
Me: “Of course. Go for it.”
Customer: “How do I keep them alive in this plastic packaging?”
Me: “They aren’t alive.”
Customer: “So why are you trying to sell them?!”
Me: “They’re decorations. They’re made of plastic.”
Customer: “How am I supposed to know this?”
Me: “They are plastic, have a string attached to them, have a sign that says ‘plastic jelly fish’, and they say ‘made in china’ on them.”
Customer: *pause* “I’ll just take one of those castle decorations…”
Me: “Sir, can I help you?”
Customer: “I need a cable.”
Me: “Okay. I’ll take you to our cables. What kind of cable do you need?”
Customer: “Uhm…. a cable. USB? I need to hook up a computer.”
Me: “Here are our USB cables, but could you be a little more specific?”
Customer: *getting angry* “These are not what I need at all! I need a cable! Are you deaf? I need a C-A-B-L-E. I need one for my computer.”
Me: “Sir, there are a lot of cables. If you could tell me what kind of thing you are trying to hook up?”
Customer: “Is there anyone else on the floor that can help me? Maybe one of the computer guys? You’re obviously too stupid to understand.”
Me: “Sir, I am the only one on the floor at the moment and I am trying my best to help you find your cable.”
Customer: “Miss, why don’t you go back to the registers where you belong and bring me a computer guy?”
Me: “Sir, I am the tech person and would be happy to help you find your cable. Could you show me an example of what you mean?”
(The customer, extremely agitated, goes to a display computer.)
Customer: This is what I want! A cable!”
Me: “You mean a keyboard?”
Customer: “Um…yes.” *sheepishly leaves the store*
