Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

A Shocking Mother-In-Law

, , , , | Romantic | August 26, 2017

(In my husband’s family, his mother is referred to as “Nana” by our son and his cousins. At the time of this story, I am doing homework for a medical terminology class and struggling with spelling a term.)

Me: “Okay, I’ve got it.” *sounding it out* “Ana-Fi-Lax-Is.”

Husband: “Nanaphylaxis? What’s that?”

Me: “That’s the reaction I get when your mom is being dramatic.”

Sizing Up To Be A Nice House

, , , , | Romantic | August 25, 2017

(After years of scrimping, planning, and renting a tiny room in a small condo to save money, my husband and I are buying a house. We’re still constantly staggered by how big it feels, especially compared to what we’re used to. He takes a picture of me in front of it, and then shows me the picture on his phone.)

Husband: “You look so small!”

Me: “Yes, but in my defense, almost EVERY house is bigger than me. Not just this one.”

Three Different Types Of Monster

, , , , | Romantic | August 24, 2017

(My husband works nights, and is often extremely tired during the day, but he sleeps very erratically, so it’s hard to plan his eating schedule. I try to help him. Today, he has requested that I wake him up around 6:30 pm so he can eat. Also important to note, he can be very difficult to wake up and has a tendency to sleep-talk.)

Me: “Honey, it’s 6:45, and you said you wanted me to wake you up so you could eat.”

Husband: *eyes half-open* “No, there’s three different types.”

Me: “Of what?”

Husband: *sitting up, starts counting off our pillows, although we only have two* “No, there’s one, two… three…”

Me: “Three of what? What are you talking about?”

(He starts pulling back each of the pillow cases to inspect each pillow, getting more confused each time he goes back and forth from one to the other. I’m trying to suppress giggles. At this point, he is fully sitting up, moving around, with his eyes totally open, and speaking clearly. All signs of being awake. I’m expecting him to snap out of his confusion at any moment.)

Husband: *saying each word as he pulls back each pillow case* “No… There’s three… different… types…”

Me: *trying not to die of laughter* “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m talking about you eating food.”

Husband: “No! They’re for the… for the monster.” *looking very concerned, and again eyeing the pillows very suspiciously*

Me: *not even trying to stop laughing* “You know what? Just go back to sleep.”

(I gave him a slight push, and he promptly collapsed backwards onto his pillow and fell right back asleep.)

Add An Order Of Tea/No Tea

, , , | Romantic | August 11, 2017

(My husband and I often visit a nearby convenience store that opened recently. Aside from being a gas station primarily, it also has a deli/food area with touch screens for ordering fresh-made food. We’re perusing the options when we see something new…)

Me: “Hey, pretzels! And pretzel bites!” *I tap on it and it gives more options* “This says ‘salt,’ and this one says ‘no salt.’”

Husband: “Can you tap them both?” *does so* “You can! It’s a salt/no salt pretzel.”

Me: *laughing* “I wonder what they’d do for that?”

Husband: “So, do you want a salt/no salt pretzel?”

(Turned out that if you don’t select either option, it came with no salt, so adding the “no salt” option to the screen was a little redundant. Now, every time we order a pretzel there, we make a joke about the salt/no salt options.)

For Gay Guys It’s Like Christmas In July

, , , | Romantic | August 6, 2017

(My husband is in Washington on business. He doesn’t really get the whole time zones thing, so ends up messaging me and the group chat we are all in at really odd times. I am woken up by a stream of messages he sends us, which are song lyrics.)

Me: “Why are you sending us lyrics?”

Husband: “I’m watching A Christmas Carol!”

Me: “Why? It’s July…”

Husband: “Because this hotel only has p*rn and this one movie!”

Me: “Then, please watch the p*rn and let me SLEEP!”

Husband: “I don’t think you want me watching this p*rn.”

Me: “Why?”

Husband: “It’s all gay. Like, literally every single one.”

Me: “So, there’s a hotel, in Washington, that exclusively provides gay p*rn? What is [Company] thinking?”

Husband: “Maybe they think I’m unfaithful, or gay?”

Me: “Well, good luck with that!”

(I turn back over and start drifting off. My phone goes off once more and I decide just to check it.)

Brother: *who is gay* “Name and address, please! This hotel sounds hot.”

(Muted for the first time ever, the phone was thrown into the hallway.)