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A Simple Go To H*ll Would Have Sufficed

, , , | Right Romantic | April 16, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Direct Sales]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I need a power cord for my product.”

Me: “I would be happy to place your order. I just need you to read me the three numbers from the front of the product.”

Caller: “Talk to my wife, I can’t read…”

(In the background, I overhear the following…)

Caller: “Get on the phone!”

Caller’s Wife: “You are Satan! When spiritual warfare happens, I will have more angels on my side because you are evil and no one loves you!”

(The wife then comes on the phone and very calmly gives me the number, her address, credit card info and then hangs up.)

 

Take A Guess Who The Better Half Is

, , , | Right | April 8, 2008

(A couple approaches, and the dude ditches quickly to the back of the store while the woman barks…)

Woman: “I need some tickets!”

Me: “What show?”

Woman: “I need tickets to the concert.”

Me: “Which one?”

Woman: “The concert.”

Me: “There are a lot of concerts going on. Which one do you want to see?”

Woman: “I don’t know what it’s called.”

Me: “Who’s playing?”

Woman: “A bunch of people… I don’t know.”

Me: “Do you know where it’s going to be?”

Woman: “No.”

Me: “When?”

Woman: “No. Why can’t you find my tickets?!”

Me: “I need something to go on.”

Woman: “It’s a concert!”

Me: “That doesn’t narrow it down for me. That pretty much only eliminates Phantom of the Opera.”

(She finally yells at the dude who has been hiding in magazines.)

Woman: “What’s the name of the concert we’re going to?”

(The dude comes forward and gives me the name of the show, where it is, and on what day.)

Woman: “Oh, NOW you can find the tickets.”

Me: “…”

Woman: “We need two tickets… TOGETHER!”

Me: *looking at the dude* “Are you sure?”

(He smiled, she missed it, and I lived to do retail another day.)

Bridezilla On Line 1

, , , , | Right | January 14, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Eye Doctor], how can I help you?”

Lady: “Hello, I want to check on the status of my glasses.”

Me: “Okay, what is your full name?”

Lady: “[First Name] Johnson.”

Me: “Okay. Hold, please.”

(I check the computer for Lori Johnson and it doesn’t come up. I then check alternative spellings things like Laurie, Lory, Lauri, etc. All to no avail.)

Me: “I’m sorry Miss, would you mind giving me your date of birth?”

Lady: “12-21-1969.”

(I do a search for that date of birth and one name comes up. [First Name] Smith.)

Me: “Would you by chance be listed under any other name?”

Lady: “NO!”

Me: “Okay, I’ll try searching by address.”

(She gives me her address and sure enough, it matches [First Name] Smith.)

Me: “I seem to have you listed in our computer as ‘[First Name] Smith’.”

Lady: “That’s not me.”

Me: “Well the date of birth matches, as does the address. Would you like me to search by social security number?”

Lady: “That’s not my name. I got married and my last name is Johnson now!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, your insurance still has you listed as Smith so that’s how we got mixed up. You’ll probably want to call them.”

Lady: “That’s no excuse.”

Me: “I’m sorry. But there was no way for us to know you got married.”

Lady: “It was in the newspaper!”

Me: “Okaaaaaay.”