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Unhappily Ever After

, , | Right | May 18, 2009

Caller: “I want to check the status of my form to withdrawal my account.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you gave conflicting information on the form. In the section where it asked if you were married, you marked both ‘Yes’ and ‘No.'”

Caller: “…and?”

Me: “Well, sir, that is conflicting information, so it was kicked out of the system.”

Caller: “So, what should I mark?”

Me: “Well, are you married or not?”

Caller: “I’m married… but I don’t like her.”

Me: “It sounds like you’re separated, but just to check, are you legally married?”

Caller: “Yes, but I don’t feel like I’m married.”

Me: “If you aren’t legally divorced, you’ll need to mark that you are married.”

Caller: “But I don’t LIKE her!”

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Someone’s About To Get Smacked To The Future

, , , , , | Romantic | March 19, 2009

Coworker: “Yes, miss. I understand it’s an emergency, But let me ask my coworker. He probably knows what you’re looking for!”

Me: “What’s going on?”

Coworker: “This woman was sent in looking for an item. She said it’s called a… a… something capacitor.”

Me: “Well, we don’t really carry any capacitors here. That’s more of a true electronics store thing.”

Customer: “Please, it’s my son’s birthday and my husband says that we desperately need to find a 120-volt flux capacitor for my son’s Xbox!”

Me: “Ma’am, unless you have a Mr. Fusion, I don’t know where you’re gonna need something like that.”

Customer: “What do you mean? My husband said this was an emergency! I have been to three stores and no one knows what I’m talking about!”

Me: *laughs* “Well, your husband sent you for a part to a time machine.”

Customer: “I am going to kill that man!”


This story is part of the Pranks roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

10 Strange Stories About Customer Conspiracy Theorists

 

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Read the Pranks roundup!

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Something With Sprinkles, I’d Wager…

, , | Right | January 27, 2009

Me: “How can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “I’ll take a large coffee and something for my wife… maybe an apple cruller?”

(He pays for his stuff and I see him walk out to a car parked right in front of the store. He gets in, but the car doesn’t move. After about a minute, he storms back into the store.)

Customer: *loudly* “What kind of donut do you recommend for a hatchet-faced old witch?!

Me: “Uh….”


This story is part of our Junk Food Day roundup!

Read the next Junk Food Day story!

Read the Junk Food Day roundup!

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Marital Bliss, In All Its Forms, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | October 14, 2008

(I’ve just done a sales pitch for Internet service.)

Customer: “Oh, honey, I’m 73. I wouldn’t know what to do with the Internet. I can hardly run the computer my daughter gave me.”

Me: “Well, I’ll be honest. I’m 24 and I do struggle with them from time to time.”

Customer: “Boy, I sure wouldn’t want to be your age, what with all the bad things happening in the world today.”

Me: “I don’t know; I’m pretty optimistic most of the time. I think we’ll be okay.”

Customer: “You’ve never been married, have you?”

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She Who Wears The Pants

, , , , | Right | October 7, 2008

Customer: “…and I’d like a pack of cigarettes.”

Customer’s Wife: “No, he doesn’t.”

Customer: “Yes, I do.”

Customer’s Wife: “You don’t need them.”

Customer: “Yes, I do.”

Customer’s Wife: “No, you don’t.”

Me: “No offense, sir, but she’s scarier than you are.”

Customer’s Wife: “D*** straight!”

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