Social Insecurity Number

, , , , , | Legal | June 5, 2018

(I am a new hire at a popular clothing retailer, but I pick everything up rather quickly. The process for looking up a customer’s [Store] credit card is much like every other store that has a credit card — I require the driver’s license, and the customer inputs their own Social Security number. The following occurs when I am looking up a customer’s account because she forgot her card.)

Customer: “You know, someday they’ll find out this is illegal.”

(I stare at her blankly a moment, not knowing who “they” are or, to be honest, what “this” is. I worry she’s about to accuse me of being a criminal.)

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Someday they’ll find out it’s illegal for you to ask all this information.”

Me: “Well… I never see your SSN, ma’am, nor do I input any of your info. I just—”

Customer: “Well, someday! It’s totally illegal, asking for such personal info. Someone will end up causing you legal trouble, and it’ll all blow up in your face.”

Me: “Well… this is how every credit card account is looked up, you know. Even [Popular Nationwide Grocer/Retailer] does this, not just us—”

Customer: “Oh, I know! But there’ll be a class-action lawsuit someday! You’ll see!”

(The thing that baffles me the most is that to sign up for the card alone, she would need to give me the ID, the SSN, and additionally her phone number, street address, full name, and yearly income. How she didn’t see the irony is beyond me.)

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Not Quite Hooked On To The Subject

, , , , , | Right | February 2, 2018

(I am teaching people how to fish.)

Customer: “Does it hurt the fish when we hook them?”

Me: “…”

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Knows How To Rock The Boat

| Right | October 14, 2015

(I work at a marina on a lake in a very affluent community. Many of our customers own $200k+ boats. About 30 minutes before closing, a customer pulls up to the fuel tanks in a very nice jet boat.)

Me: “Hello, welcome to [Marina]!”

Customer: “Hi, can you just fill the tank?”

Me: “Sure.”

(I proceed to fill the tank. Since it is a larger boat, a full tank is 85 gallons.)

Me: “That’ll be $185.65. Would you like to pay cash?”

Customer: “Are you joking? I’m not paying that much for fuel.”

Me: “I am sorry, sir, but you asked for a full tank.”

Customer: “Fine, just take the f****** fuel out.”

Me: “Sir, once we pump it in, we can’t just take it out. In fact, we have a sign that says just that.” *points to sign*

Customer: “F*** this s***. I didn’t pay [amount] in slip fees this summer for you to overcharge me. Where is your manager?”

Me: “Wait just one moment, sir. I will call him.”

(We wait several awkward minutes for him to arrive.)

Customer: “This f*** charged me [amount] for a tank of gas, and is now saying that I have to pay it.”

Manager: “So?”

Customer: “So, I demand that you fire this ***** for overcharging me, and give me the tank for free.”

Manager: “Sir, that is how much the tank costs. If you refuse to pay it, I will have to call the police.”

Customer: “F*** no! I ain’t gonna pay it! Good luck getting the police to make me!”

(At this point, the customer started up his engine, revved it up, and drove straight into one of the nicer boats at the marina. He ended up getting arrested and had to sell his boat to pay for the damages to the other boat. Needless to say, we won’t be seeing him around anymore.)

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Space Is His Final Frontier

| Right | April 18, 2013

(A customer is at the fishing license kiosk, entering in his application. He is looking visibly frustrated.)

Customer: “Oh, come on!”

(I walk up to the customer.)

Me: “Alright, can I see you go through this?”

Customer: “I’ve already done it four times!”

Me: “I understand. Just one more time, please.”

(The customer types his full name in the space provided. I see the problem. Instead of ‘John L. Doe’ he writes ‘johnldoe’.)

Me: “Alright, you’re going to need to put spaces in there.”

Customer: “Fine.”

(The customer puts the spaces in. We get to the address. He types in an equivalent of: ‘[email protected]’.)

Me: “…alright, why don’t I just handle this?”

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Fishing For Intelligence

| Right | September 27, 2010

(At this time we are having a “fishing derby” where kids can bring fish in and we will measure them. The three biggest fish that have been caught have their measurements on a board.)

Customer: “Are these fish measured in feet?”

Me: “No, they are measured in inches.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “I’m positive considering the biggest according to the board would have to be 17 feet, and the only fish I can think of that can grow to be 17 feet long is a shark.”

Customer: “You have sharks in this lake?!”

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