I am part of a four-person team providing IT support for a spa manufacturing company. My role is “doing whatever it takes.” The culture can be described in a word: chaos.

Today, I got stopped by a frequent flier on my way back from a harrowing journey regarding a minor issue on the factory floor. [Technician] is a nice guy, loveable even. He is the lead spa technician and heads the department in charge of fixing broken hot tubs. I see him a lot because he has a knack for breaking or resetting the hardiest of mobile phones and forgetting credentials. [Technician] is a hard worker and, as he’s been here for almost three years, I am determined to help make him even better. Sometimes, all that takes is getting him to slow down and listen to himself.

Me: “What’s up, man?”

Technician: “Okay, listen. Can we get [Customer Service Person] access to a color printer? She prints off pictures of the spa in black and white, and I can’t see what’s going on in them.”

At the mention of “color printer”, he can feel the heat radiate from my body. He grins.

Me: “…?”

Technician: “Yeah, I can’t see where the leak is when it is black and white.”

Me: “Oh, so she is handing you pictures that the customer is emailing in!”

Technician: “Yeah, and the black and white is no help!”

Me: “So, why is she printing them?”

Technician: “Uh… what do you mean?”

I know he can do this, I know he can do this, it’s right there…

Me: “Why is she printing pictures that she received via email?”

Technician: “So I can see… Ohhhhhh! She can just send them to me! This is why you are the man!”

We both laugh.

Me: “Yeah, man, that should work a bit better for you!”

Now we’re thinking!

Many years ago, I worked in the UK for an American company that made adhesive tape. Making the glue involved some very flammable solutions, so smoking was restricted to a specific area and, after some problems with people smoking outside, all lighters and matches were banned and we were all subject to possible searches at the gate.

One day, a taxi pulled up at the gate, and [Security Guy] asked the passenger if he had matches or a lighter. Back then, most people smoked. The passenger said he had a lighter, so [Security Guy] asked him to hand it over. The passenger refused because A) it was gold and valuable, and B) because he was too important to obey the rules.

[Security Guy] stuck to his guns, and eventually, the VIP handed the lighter over and was let in. A few days later, [Security Guy] got a letter commending him for his diligence. Apparently, the VIP was well known for his arrogance, and the site manager was well pleased to see him taken down a peg.

After I was laid off, I was looking for a new job. I got an interview for a job that was above my experience level. I got a second, longer interview where I found out it was a bait and switch. I was an engineer (by degree as well as experience). Being laid off wasn’t a performance issue, and I had a letter of reference to back that up. They wanted me as a technician at just under half the salary they quoted for the original job. During the interview, it became clear that they had no ethics; they were asking technical questions about my former job, trying to get any information that they could use for their products. 

They gave me an offer and I turned it down. I explained that my fiancé had a job that paid much more than the technician position and it wouldn’t be cost-effective to take the job. I couldn’t believe they kept pushing. It was incomprehensible that they would expect me to take a job so much to my detriment.

Sounds like the end, right? Quite a bit later, I got a call from their Human Resources guy; they still wanted me. I told him I was making twice what they offered. He was cool. They made him call again and he made the offer but didn’t push. We got talking, and the company was on strike! He was having to work his job and in the factory!  

I told him about a good job at the company I was working for, and he said he was going to apply.

I work for a small company that services industrial laser cutting machines. Since there are only a handful of us service engineers, most of our clients’ employees know all of us. They also know that I’m the least experienced one by far, having joined the company less than two years ago.

One day, I come to service a client complaining that his machine is suddenly cutting very poorly.

Me: “Good morning. What seems to be the issue?”

The client’s employee, who’s the one usually operating the machine, responds.

Employee: “All was fine until yesterday evening, and then it suddenly started cutting like crap. One of the mirrors must have cracked.”

Older laser cutting machines use moving mirrors to deliver the laser beam to the cutting point, and those do occasionally crack due to overheating.

Me: “This may very well be the case, but I need to do some testing first to see what’s going on.”

Employee: “You’re wasting your time. We’re behind schedule already because of this breakdown. Just check the mirrors.”

I ignore him and do my tests. True to his word, the cutting is, indeed, of unacceptably poor quality, but not evenly so across the cutting area, which suggests an entirely different problem.

Me: “It seems that your mirrors somehow got misaligned, not that one of them cracked.”

Employee: “But you didn’t even open the casings to look at them! And why would the mirrors move? Do you know what you’re doing?”

Me: “I’m not going to open the casings, expose the mirrors to dust, and then spend a couple of hours cleaning them if that’s not the issue. Please, let me do my job.”

The employee leaves for a break while I realign the mirrors. He comes back when I’m just about finished.

Employee: “Are you still with that crap? Why don’t you look at the mirrors already?”

Me: “Just finished. Now, time to verify that the alignment is correct. Please load up any of your programs and try cutting.”

Muttering that I don’t know what I’m doing, he does as I ask. The machine cuts perfectly.

Employee: “Well, I’ll be d***ed. But why would the mirrors move?”

Me: “I don’t know. Did anyone hit them by accident?”

Employee: “Not that I know of. What do you think we are, a bunch of apes? We take care of our machines.”

I’m about to leave it at that and write off the reason for the alignment issue as unknown, but then I decide to have a closer look. I’m glad that I did because I notice that the whole laser generator, which weighs over a ton, is not exactly where it used to be judging by the marks on the dirty floor and the bent bolts that hold it in place. Lightbulb moment.

Me: “[Employee], did anyone, by any chance, drive a forklift into the generator just prior to when you started having issues?”

Employee: *Sheepishly* “Um, yeah. Something like that may have happened yesterday.”

Cue me banging my head on the wall. Thankfully, the manager didn’t write off my conclusions as “inexperience” and agreed to install a barrier to prevent this from happening again.

Out of the blue, I receive the following email from “service.call.planning” at a well-known home appliance manufacturer’s email address.

Manufacturer Email: “Good afternoon. I have tried to contact you today regarding a visit for your hob, but unfortunately, I was not able to leave a message or speak to you directly. Due to the fact our technician requires parts for the repair, I have rescheduled the appointment for [date]. If for any reason this date is not suitable, please do not hesitate to contact us using the number below.”

It doesn’t look like the usual spam or a scammer. They are clearly trying to contact someone and repair their hob. This customer’s email address is probably similar to mine, as my email address contains a common name.  

I am not the customer they are looking for, though. I am fairly certain of this, not just because I do not need a hob repair, but also because the phone number and web address provided are in the UK; I am in Sydney, Australia.

I do a quick search, and the website and phone number seem legit. I decide to be helpful. However, I have noticed I am usually quite verbose, so I decide to stick just to the relevant facts and requested actions in my reply.

My Email: “Good morning. I believe you have the wrong email address. Would you kindly check your records, please? Kind regards.”

I receive the following response.

Manufacturer Email: “Good morning. Thank you for your following email. I can confirm we have the following address details.”

In their email to me was a screenshot of the full database details of their UK customer, including name, residential address, phone number, and mobile phone number! And, of course, MY email address.

I sent as stern a response as I could manage, letting them know that I had not asked for this information and was upset that they’d sent it to me. I pointed out that they had done the equivalent of receiving a not-at-this-address response, addressing a new letter to the same address, and enclosing a customer’s personal information, except that I did not have the option of returning it unopened. This time, I explicitly requested that they delete my email address from their records. They sent a suitably apologetic response and agreed to do so, and said they’d train the agent responsible for this exchange.

Looking back, I can kind of see how “You have the wrong email address” could have been interpreted as, “I am your customer and you have my email address wrong,” if I hadn’t been EMAILING them from that very address!

Related:
Email Fail, Part 31
Email Fail, Part 30
Email Fail, Part 29
Email Fail, Part 28
Email Fail, Part 27