Get Your Fax Straight

| Right | February 9, 2017

(I work for a furniture manufacturer. We send assembly guides with every order we ship out, but sometimes the warehouse misses one here and there. There are copies of the instructions for each product on our website, but most customers (no surprise) can’t find the button to bring them up. Because of this, when a customer calls in to say they didn’t get the assembly instructions, I usually don’t even mention that they are available on the website, and just offer to email them a PDF copy instead.)

Customer: “Hi, I ordered a [product] from you guys, but it didn’t come with instructions on how to put it together.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. I can email you over a copy. What is your email address?”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to do that.”

Me: “Okay, we also have copies available on our website. I can walk you through how to find them. Are you near a computer?”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to do that either. Can you just fax it to me?”

Me: “I can, sir, but this particular guide is 45 pages. I’m concerned that a fax of that size may not transmit properly and you may end up missing some pages. We really do recommend email for things like this whenever possible.”

Customer: “No, just fax it. If you email it to me, I’m just going to have to print out 45 pages, and I don’t want to do that.”

(Yes, I printed out the 45 page document and faxed it to him from our dinosaur fax machine. I wonder where he thought those 45 pieces of paper were going to come from.)

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Should Have Framed It Differently

, , , , | Right | December 26, 2016

(I am a picture framer. Generally my waiting list is around 4 – 6 weeks. It is the week before Christmas. A customer comes into the shop and I greet them; they start discussing the job and I make sure to mention I will not be able to complete any orders in time for Christmas; just to check before we go through all the detail.)

Customer: “No, that’s fine; I don’t need it for Christmas.”

(We carry on and it’s a fairly big job with lots of lots of different mouldings to be ordered. I tally it all up.)

Me: “It could be done for the end of January.”

Customer: “Oh, but I need it for Boxing Day.”

(Boxing Day is Dec 26th and a bank holiday in the UK…)

This story is part of the Boxing Day roundup!

Read the next Boxing Day roundup story!

Read the Boxing Day roundup!

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Mass Email Fail

| Working | August 16, 2016

(I am temping as a production clerk. It’s my responsibility to collect certain data on the previous night’s production and put that data into a spreadsheet, which I then send out in an e-mail to a mailing list. One day, I neglect to include [Specific Data] in my report. Ten minutes later, I rectify this by sending out an updated copy. A few minutes later Payroll Clerk calls me asking a question about Specific Data. Several minutes after that, Purchasing Manager calls…)

Purchasing Manager: “Why didn’t you include [Specific Data] on your report?!

You know I need [Specific Data] every day!”

Me: “Oh, I sent an updated report out about ten minutes ago. Did you not get my second e-mail?”

Purchasing Manager: “I got your e-mail, but the report was not updated!”

Me: “Okay… I just spoke to [Payroll Clerk] about [Specific Data], so I know the second e-mail included the update.”

Purchasing Manager: *belligerently* “Well I didn’t get it!”

Me: “So, let me get this straight; in a mass e-mailing to a specific mailing list, I managed to send everybody the update except you?”

Purchasing Manager: *still belligerent* “That’s RIGHT!”

Me: “…”

(Thankfully, he was only there a few months before he was let go and I was eventually hired permanently!)

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Meta-Meeting In Dilbert’s Office

| Working | April 26, 2016

(I’m a contractor assisting at the daily production meeting. There’s the manager and six foremen from different productions parts of the mill. As I get in, four of those are having an intense discussion on a specific problem. The head manager enters the meeting, which should have started at 9, and it’s already 9:10.)

Manager: “Okay, folks, let’s get this over with.”

(The foremen continue discussing their problems.)

Manager: “Guys, can should talk about this after this meeting, please?”

Foreman #1: “No problem.”

Foreman #2: “Can’t do. I have to check out the shipping schedule. How about at 10?”

Foreman #3: “Unavailable at 10. How about 10:30?”

Manager: “Guys. Can it wait after this meeting. We really should get going. The mill manager is waiting for me.”

Foreman #1: “Then let’s meet to decide a time where we should meet.”

Foreman #2: “9:45 would be good.”

Foreman #3: “Me, too.”

(General sense of approval.)

Foreman #1: *very serious* “So we’ll meet at 9:45 to decide when we’ll set-up our meeting for this issue. Everybody is okay with that?”

Everybody: “Yes, fine, will do, etc.”

Manager: “Did you just schedule a meeting to schedule a meeting?”

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In Bad Company

| Working | February 26, 2016

(My father had his own business for years, but we closed it about a year prior to his death. After his death, we still had vendors calling trying to sell him supplies.)

Vendor: “Hello! I’m with [Company] and I wanted to see if you were ready to re-order you next shipment of supplies!”

Me: “I’m sorry, we closed the business.”

Vendor: “Oh, well, can I speak with Mr. [Dad]?”

Me: “Sorry, he passed away.”

Vendor: “I promise it won’t take long. I just wanted to tell him about our latest product.”

Me: “Huh? He’s still dead.”

Vendor: “Oh, sorry to hear that. Well, can I talk to the owner of [Dad’s company]?”

Me: “Still dead.”

Vendor: “Well, then whoever is in charge now?”

Me: “Okay, let me re-cap. The company closed and the owner is dead. The only official employee left is his dog. Want to talk to her?”

Vendor: “Well, you don’t have to be rude!” *click*

Me: *to dog* “Seriously? How did Dad deal with that idiot?”

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