(I work evenings, sometimes alone at the pizza store. I don’t mind. It’s fun, and I prefer working alone. I have two young gents come in, about sixteen or so years old. They ask me about doing a half-and-half pizza, and I say yup, they just have to tell me which things are on which side!)

Customer #1: “Okay, can I have a meat-lover’s on one side and deluxe Hawaiian on the other?”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t split a specialty pizza. Just gets too complicated. But I can do, say, pepperoni-bacon on half and ham-pineapple on the other.”

Customer #1: “Oh, okay.”

(A few more minutes of discussion happen. I try to excuse myself as I hear the printer popping out deliveries, but they insist that they are ready to order. Then, the other asks.)

Customer #2: “Half and half, right?”

Me: *smiling as I nod patiently*

Customer #2: “Okay. Can I get half meat-lover’s, half deluxe Hawaiian?”

This happened quite a few years ago and was told to me by my father. It’s from before we cared about things like environmental damage.

The lake near my grandmother’s town had a lot of one species of fish in it and as a result was not well-loved by the local fishermen. One year the town got a fisherman for a mayor and he decided to use a good chunk of their budget to buy a huge number of live fish to release and make all the fishermen happy. They had a good year fishing that year and expected the next year to be the same.

The next year they had a lake filled with very fat pike. The mayor didn’t get re-elected in the next election.

(It’s our company’s annual Golf Day. It’s a fun event. Basically, we get to golf all afternoon at a reduced price, then eat a nice dinner.)

Event Organizer: “[My Name], could you do me a big favour?”

Me: “Well, I was just about to start golfing—”

Event Organizer: “I know, but the other person organizing Golf Day is stuck in traffic, and I need help assigning everyone to their golf carts and making sure that they’re supplied with bottled water. It’ll take about 30 minutes.”

Me: “Uh… Okay, I guess.”

Event Organizer: “Thanks!” *leaves*

Me: “Wait! What exactly do I do?”

Event Organizer: “You’ll figure it out.”

(I did my best, but because I hadn’t done this before, I was slow – plus, I was unable to get everyone their bottled water before their tee-off time. Some people were visibly annoyed. I got very stressed and upset, and the people I was supposed to be golfing with weren’t impressed to be delayed. Still, it all turned out well in the end – or so I thought. Two days later:)

Event Organizer: “Uh, hi, [My Name]. I’m really sorry to tell you this, but you might be getting a call from HR.”

Me: “What? Why?”

Event Organizer: “Apparently, you missed supplying a couple of golf carts with their bottled water. One of the retirees was really angry, and she told me she was going to call HR to complain about you.”

Me: “I can’t believe this. She got that angry over a free water that maybe cost fifty cents?”

Event Organizer: “Well, she’s a retiree. Maybe she has nothing better to do with her time.”

This story is part of our Golf roundup!

Read the next Golf roundup story!

Read the Golf roundup!

(There’s a little guy, maybe around 10 or 12, looking at some stuff on sale with his mum.)

Kid: “Look, Mum! Fifteen dollars! I can get it!”

Mum: “There’s tax on top of that.”

Kid: *picks it up and looks on top* “Where?”

(In the 70s, when I am in high school, my gym class teaches the fundamentals of tennis. I’m not in the least bit athletic, but something about tennis appeals to me. My birthday is coming up soon, and my mother asks me what I’d like for a present.)

Me: “I’d like a tennis racquet!”

Mum: “A what? But you don’t play tennis!”

Me: “I know, but my school introduced me to it, and I had fun. I’d like to try playing, but I need a racquet.”

Mum: “I don’t know. You’ve never been at all athletic, and racquets are probably expensive.”

Me: “Maybe we could get a used one that would be cheaper? I don’t need a good one.”

Mum: “We’ll see.”

(My birthday comes and goes, with no racquet. I ask Mum why; her response is a vague, “It would probably have been too expensive.” I am very disappointed. Several years later:)

Me: “I’ve started getting interested in [activity].”

Mum: “Ha! You won’t stick with it.”

Me: *insulted* “What makes you say that?”

Mum: *smugly* “Remember how gung-ho you were about tennis? You sure dropped that in a hurry.”

Me: “Uh, Mum? It’s kind of difficult to play tennis without a racquet.”

Mum: “Whatever. I’m just glad that I didn’t waste my money on something that you wouldn’t even have used.”

(What made it even more irritating is that, to this day, she brings up the tennis story as an example of how I don’t follow through on plans.)