You Give Nothing, You Get Nothing

, , , , , | Right | January 19, 2019

(I work at a call center in the e-Commerce — sales — department for a large American cable company that also provides other services. I am working chat support, which means the work is mostly non-voice, which comes in handy in case one of us has to vent or sound the occasional scream of frustration. While we mostly process customer orders and handle inquiries, we also process transfers of service, in the case of customers moving to another address and wanting to take their service with them. One day I end up with this bizarre chat:)

Me: “Hello! My name is [My Name]! How are you today?”

Customer: “I am moving and want to transfer my service.”

Me: “Thank you for letting me know; I will be more than happy to assist you with that today!”

(Usually, customers with existing service sign in and enter their info as well as the new address, which pops up in a form accompanying the chat. This customer left the form blank, and instead of her name, she only appears as “Guest” in the chatroom, so I need to ask for the missing info in order to pull it up in our system, check the serviceability of the new address, etc.)

Me: “In order for me to be able to assist you today, may I please have your full name, phone number, and your account number, as well as your current address and the complete new address you will be moving to?”

Customer: “No.”

(This is the first time I’ve had this response to what is a fairly standard request, and I get the feeling I’m in for something out of the ordinary. I nudge my coworker, who peeks over to watch the show.)

Me: “I will need to pull up your account, and I also need to check the status of the new address to process the transfer. And we need to request the information for verification purposes, as well, to ensure that the security and privacy of your account are maintained and that only the account holder or authorized users process changes.”

Customer: “STAY OUT OF MY ACCOUNT!”

Me: “I don’t have access to your account. I don’t even have any information to pull the account up with.”

Customer: “LIAR! GET OUT OF MY ACCOUNT NOW!”

Me: *baffled and at a loss at this point* “I understand that you might have some concerns regarding your account’s security, but I don’t have your account up, as I have not been provided with any information I require to pull it up.”

Customer: “YOU JUST KEEP DIGGING YOURSELF IN DEEPER, DON’T YOU? I WANT TO TALK TO A SUPERVISOR NOW!”

(I’ve already let my team-lead know that I have a potential escalation, but our process requires us to at least try to de-escalate the situation before we pass it on to “the higher power,” who in all honesty aren’t able to do much more than the regular agents are.)

Me: “I understand that you would like to speak to a supervisor, but I assure you that I am more than capable of assisting you with your service transfer request, and I would just like to inform you that in order for a transfer to be processed, we will require your full details, which will mean pulling up your account. As no information has been provided, nothing has been pulled up or accessed. May I have the opportunity to try to assist you today?”

Customer: “I WANT TO TRANSFER MY SERVICE MYSELF!”

Me: “I’m afraid that is not possible. You might be able to move the equipment yourself, but the actual transfer of the service, such as cable, phone, and Internet, would need to be processed in our system.”

Customer: “NO! I WANT TO TRANSFER MYSELF! I WANT A SUPERVISOR!”

(I already have a side-chat going with the escalation team and have given them the general details of the situation. They are giving me the green-light for a transfer, but they want me to try one last time to get some kind of personal detail — a name, anything really — that I can pass on to them.)

Me: “I understand. I will be transferring you to my supervisor shortly. Before I do, may I at least have your name to pass on to them?”

Customer: “NO! TRANSFER ME NOW!”

Me: “All right. I am transferring you now; please keep the chat window open.”

(I transferred the customer and let the escalation team know that the customer had refused to provide any info. I later pulled up the chat file to find out how it had gone and found that the customer had provided the name “Jane Doe” after some persistence from the supervisor, and refused to provide any other information. She just kept insisting she would move the service herself before finally terminating the chat. Thankfully, I’ve left the world of call centers and customer service behind for now.)

The Mother Of All Filipino Time

, , , , , , | Related | September 4, 2018

(My mother is notorious for never being on time. We’ve joked about it countless times, and my father is usually the one who ends up waking her, since she hates being woken up by an alarm. The morning of this conversation, she tells my father that they must leave the house at six am to do a few errands… only to end up leaving at 7:30. That afternoon, she is talking about a trip she will be talking with a friend tomorrow.)

Mother: “…and I will be leaving by six am.”

Me: *pats father on the arm* “Hear that, Dad? She needs to leave by six am.”

Mother: *indignantly* “Hey, I did wake up at six am today!”

Me: “Yes, but did you get out of the bed?”

(Not at the time, no.)

Unfiltered Story #109361

, , | Unfiltered | April 25, 2018

The customer’s a middle aged lady, and I was listening to an agent’s recording when…

Customer: *mumbles something on the phone*

Agent: I’m sorry, ma’m. Come again?

Customer: Honey, it’ll take me a while to come again.

I told my current trainer about this and she turned red laughing.

Donuts Or Donuts, There Is No Try

, , , , | Right | December 7, 2011

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Five boxes, dozen donuts each, right now.”

Me: “Okay, is there any specific–”

(Suddenly, I hear a woman screaming in the background.)

Woman: “Donuts! NOW!”

(The caller gets back on the phone.)

Caller: “Whatever flavors you have. Five dozen donuts, A-S-A-motherf***ing-P!”

Me: “Um, all right, that’ll be [price]. How much change should our deliveryman bring?”

Caller: “I will give your delivery guy all the money I have in the house! Just get him here before my wife sits on me and hits me with the freakin’ remote control!”

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