They Know How To Push Your Buttons Even When They’re Not Pushing Any

, , , | Right | January 13, 2019

(A client calls in reporting issues with his laptop. After several minutes of trying to get their laptop online, and him just repeating “I’m trying what you said but it’s not doing anything.”)

Me: “Okay, sir, please reboot your computer.”

Client: “How do I reboot?”

Me: “With the Start menu, then Restart.”

Client: “Where’s the start thing?”

Me: “The same thing you pressed to get to the Control Panel options.”

Client: “I’m not sure what you mean… I haven’t pressed anything… I wasn’t sure what you were asking me to do… ”

(And people wonder why computer techs seem anti-social sometimes.)

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The Mother Of All Awkward Photo Shoots

, , , , , , | Friendly | November 29, 2018

(Due to circumstances, I end up as the photographer on the day two of my best friends get married. Since I have some experience with photography and they have an excellent camera, the photographs turn out pretty well. We are in the middle of a short shoot when suddenly the groom’s mother seizes the opportunity and gets me to take some photos of her during the end of it, quickly and smoothly. Afterwards, my two friends and I huddle around the camera to see how it all turned out.)

Groom: “So, how did it go?”

Me: “This isn’t something a guy should normally say to his friends, but I got some nice photos of your mom.”

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Scorn On The Fourth Of July

, , , , , | Right | October 5, 2018

(I work the front desk at what is considered to be one of the more “upscale” hotels in the area. Most people who book with us tend to be on the wealthier end of the financial spectrum, and some are well aware of this fact, to put it kindly. I have just gotten in for my shift at seven am on the fourth of July, and I immediately witness this interaction between a guest and my coworker who has been there since four am.)

Guest: “Do you have any newspapers today?”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir, we haven’t received any today. We don’t get papers delivered to us on holidays.”

Guest: *in a very frazzled tone* “Well, can I buy one from you? Is that an option?”

Coworker: “Well, no, we unfortunately don’t have any papers anywhere in the hotel today. There are a few places just a block or two away that may be selling newspapers today, though.”

Guest: “This is outrageous! I spend this much money to stay at your hotel and you don’t even give me a newspaper?! It is your patriotic duty to provide me with the news, and you have just failed as an American by not doing this!” *storms away*

(It’s people like this that really make me question the state our society is in. He did, however, becoming the laughing stock of the front desk for a good week or two after, so at least some good news came out of it.)

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Not The Ingredients For Success

, , , , , | Right | July 17, 2018

(I am working the lunch shift at a small bakery and cafe that also serves some different types of salads. The salads are displayed in bowls on the counter, but they don’t have signs. A middle-aged lady approaches the counter.)

Customer: “What is this salad?”

Me: “This one is chicken, corn, and kale, and next to it we have a kale with grana cheese and red onion.”

(I proceed to tell her about the rest of the salads. I understand that first-timers can be confused by our lack of signage, and I have no problem running through the descriptions for them.)

Customer: *staring intently at the two kale salads* “So… What’s the difference between them?”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “Is the difference just the ingredients?”

Me: *polite, deadpan customer service voice* “Yes, ma’am, the difference is the ingredients.”

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They’re Not In The Same Boat

, , , , , | Friendly | June 9, 2017

(I am a kid. Our neighbors tell us about a nice dinner cruise they took on New Year’s and we all decide to go together. We get to the boat.)

Neighbor: “Hello, we’re here for the dinner cruise.”

Worker: *eyes the kids* “Umm, this is an adult cruise.”

Neighbor: *smiling* “What? We did this cruise during New Year’s.”

Worker: *clears throat* “Umm, yeah, we only do the kid-friendly cruises during the holidays.”

Neighbor: “How is the cruise not kid-friendly?”

Worker: “Umm…”

(At that moment, I look through the window of the boat and see a stripper pole. I tell my fellow neighbor’s children.)

Neighbor’s Child: *leans over to her mom and whispers in her ear*

Neighbor: *eyes go wide* “Oh!”

(We ended up going home and ordering pizza!)

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