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Getting Checked Out At The Checkout

, , , , , | Right | September 18, 2023

I am making small talk with a regular at the grocery store. He’s always been a very friendly guy and easy to talk to.

Customer: “Do you like working here?”

Me: “It’s okay, I guess.”

Customer: *Handing me a card* “Give me a call if you want to change careers.”

I look at the card. He’s a manager at the local “Gentleman’s club”.

Me: “Not looking to be a stripper, thanks. No offense to those who are. Does this kind of recruitment usually work?”

Customer: “Oh, yeah! Young women working checkout are low-hanging fruit, especially when we tell them that any customer who steps out of line in our establishment gets permanently banned, not given coupons instead.”

I admit I laugh.

Me: “Ha! That does sound refreshing.” *Jokingly* “If my degree falls through at [Local University], then I’ll give you a call.”

Customer: “Oh, you’re studying at [Local University]? Maybe don’t call me, then. Half of the tenured professors are clients.”

It’s Always Nice To Have Options

, , , , , | Right | September 16, 2023

I live in Romania, and we have a lot of people from different countries working here — people from all over the world really, like Vietnam, Africa, etc.

I am serving some Nigerian customers who want to buy a pair of earphones. I am checking them for him to make sure they work. Up comes a local customer with a toaster in hand, and he can clearly see I am talking to another customer, but he interrupts anyway.

Customer: “Can you cash me out?”

Me: “Yes, I can, just after I finish with the customer in front of me.”

Customer: “Well, I think I should have priority in my own country.”

I just look at him and say:

Me: “No.”

Customer: *Angrily* “I want to speak to your superior!”

My superior comes by, and the customer starts b****ing about how I’m not doing my job properly.

Manager: “Why?”

Customer: “She prioritized a Black guy over me! She should be ashamed because she’s making me wait!”

Manager: “You’re right; she should have given you some more options than just waiting.”

Customer: “Finally! Someone who—”

Manager: “You can either wait in line or f*** off. I’m happy to offer these options as a manager.” 

He chose option two!

Tried To Lie But You’re Inn Too Deep

, , , , , , | Right | September 15, 2023

I am working at the check-in desk at a four-star hotel in downtown San Francisco.

Customer: “How much for a room tonight? Cheapest rate?”

Me: “Tonight it would be $200, ma’am.”

Customer: “What?! That’s crazy money! Get me your manager!”

Luckily, my manager is right next to me, and they take over immediately.

Manager: “$200 is the cheapest rate we can offer for tonight, ma’am.”

Customer: “That’s double what I paid last time! I demand a cheaper rate!”

Manager: “Ma’am, you got a room here for $100 a night last time? Can I please ask where you made that booking? That is an amazing deal!”

Customer: “I can’t remember! It doesn’t matter!”

Manager: “It’s just that you’ve already received a very competitive rate based on [series of discounts], so to get a price half of even that is incredible! I simply have to know! There might even be something illegal and disingenuous going on if a third-party site is offering rooms to this hotel that cheap. When was your last stay here, ma’am?”

Customer: “Well… maybe it wasn’t half, but it was a lot cheaper!”

Manager: *Looking it up on the system* “It looks like you stayed here in May last year, ma’am?”

Customer: “Maybe… I can’t remember.”

Manager: “That’s what we have you down as, ma’am. And it looks like you paid at $350 a night, and we even managed to give you a free upgrade to the corner suite!”

Customer: “I… Well… It was still too expensive!”

Manager: “So, will you be taking the room for $200 a night?”

Customer: “Yes, but I’m not happy about it!”

Manager: “Very good, ma’am. Have a good stay!”

She was just as sour at checkout as she was at check-in.

When Even The Store Manager Has Had Enough

, , , , , | Right | September 12, 2023

We have a regular customer who buys something from us almost every week and returns literally everything she buys. We don’t know if she’s just toying with us or bored, but she has an absolute 100% return rate.

Corporate won’t let us do anything about it, but our store manager has had enough. He’s asked us to let him know when this customer inevitably comes back in to do the return, and today is the day.

Customer: “I’d like to return this.”

Store Manager: “And can I ask the reason for the return?”

Customer: “It wasn’t good enough.”

Normally, this would be where the corporate-mandated conversation ends and we would process the return, but the store manager pushes on.

Store Manager: “How so?”

Customer: “It just… wasn’t. Look, just process the refund!”

Store Manager: “It’s just I can’t help but notice that you return every item from us that you buy. Is there something we can do to ensure that in the future our products can live up to your standards?”

Customer: “Just do the refund! So many questions!”

He processes the refund, but then says:

Store Manager: “Ma’am, that has been done for you, but that is also the last time that will be done for you. Unless the item is faulty, you will no longer be allowed to return any item you buy from us again. I am the store manager here, and this is coming from me.”

Customer: “You can’t do that! It’s within my consumer rights to return items I am not satisfied with!”

Store Manager: “Your consumer rights state that we must offer a full refund if an item is faulty, is not as described, or does not do what it’s supposed to. If you want a refund just because you don’t like it, then that is within our discretion. Our discretion has run out.”

Customer: “I’m never buying anything from you guys again!”

Store Manager: “Technically, you never have!”

She held up her end of the bargain; she’s never been back!

If Only They Could Hear Themselves, Part 3

, , , , , , , , | Right | September 10, 2023

I am cashing out customers, and it is obvious that I am wearing hearing aids. I realize that my line of customers has paused, and I look up to see my next customer talking to my manager.

Customer: “I don’t want to be served by him.”

Manager: “Why, ma’am?”

Customer: “Are you really going to make me say it?”

Manager: “I’m sorry, but I really am.”

Customer: *Sighs* “He’s… special!”

Manager: “Yes, [My Name] is very special! He’s always at the top of our performance charts!”

Customer: “No! You’re being wilfully obtuse! He’s…”

Me: “Deaf, ma’am. The word you’re looking for is ‘deaf’.”

Customer: “You heard me?!”

Me: “I did.”

Customer: “But… how?!

Me: “Let’s just say you’re the first person I’ve met that made me wish I didn’t have hearing aids.”

Customer: *Storming away* “You shouldn’t be pretending to be deaf!”

Me: *Calling out to her* “And you shouldn’t be pretending to be a human being!”

After the shrill woman has left, my manager throws me a thumbs-up. 

Manager: “So… if you turn that thing off, you can’t hear anyone at all?”

Me: “It’s like a… slight muffle.”

The manager nodded and walked away, and for the first time in my life, a hearing person was jealous of me. 

If Only They Could Hear Themselves, Part 2
If Only They Could Hear Themselves