My awesome manager is leaving, and it’s his last week. We are chatting about it when a customer asks about a product. My manager checks the system.

Manager: “It looks like that’s out of stock, I’m afraid, but we can order it in—”

Customer: “Check the back.”

Manager: “Well, we don’t really have much back there that—”

Customer: “Check the back! I want you to check!”

Me: *To my manager* “It’s okay, I will have a quick look.”

I do this to appease the customer, as we both know she won’t back down otherwise. I make a quick visual scan of the room and come back out to inform the customer that we don’t have it.

Customer: “You were too quick! You possibly couldn’t have checked the entire back!”

I open the door to “the back.”

Me: “Ma’am, that is the entirety of our ‘back’. It’s twenty square feet. All stock we receive goes straight to the shelves.”

And then this woman, who doesn’t work here, suggests something to me, who has worked here for over two years.

Customer: “Are you sure it doesn’t go around the corner?”

Manager: “Ma’am, it’s not the warehouse from Indiana Jones! Your size six Crocs are not hiding behind the ark of the covenant! Now, either let us order it in for you or leave!” 

She left, and I was reminded once again how much I am going to miss that manager.

I am talking to my manager. He is facing outside toward the pumps. His eyes go wide, and he rushes out toward a customer. My manager is Korean-American.

Manager: “Sir! Sir! No smoking!”

Customer: “Chill, Mr. Miyagi. I’m allowed to smoke outside.”

Manager: “You’re not allowed to smoke anywhere at this gas station. It’s a fire risk!”

Customer: “Pfft. That’s an urban myth. Cigarettes aren’t hot enough to ignite gas.”

Manager: “Sir, rules are rules. Put the cigarette out.”

Customer: “Chill, I’m almost done with this one.”

My manager calls over to me.

Manager: “Call the police. Tell them we have an unruly customer.”

I nod and the customer starts shouting.

Customer: “Hey! It’s just a f****** cigarette, you [slur for an Asian person].”

Me: “Leave. Now.”

Customer: “You wanna die?

Manager: “Sir, with all due respect, I’m not the one trying to light a cigarette next to a tank of gasoline.”

Thankfully, he left without incident.

Related:
Where There’s Smoke…, Part 3
Where There’s Smoke…, Part 2
Where There’s Smoke…

It is Pride month, and I have saved up to have my hair colored in all the colors of the Pride flag. I am so happy with it, and because it cost quite a bit, I am wearing it loud and proud at the bookstore where I work.

Customer: “Your hair looks awful!”

Me: “Well, that’s your opinion. I personally love it.”

Customer: “It’s just not natural!”

Me: “Neither are your eyelashes.”

Customer: “That… that’s different! Mine are subtle!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you blinked too hard, you could cause a hurricane with those things.”

Customer: “You think you can talk to customers that way?”

Me: “You stopped being a customer when you called my hair awful. You were never going to make that sale.”

Customer: “Where’s the manager?! I’m going to tell him how the girl with the [gay slur] hair is talking to his customers.”

Our manager is a woman, actually, and the bookstore is small, so she has stepped over because of the raised voice of the customer.

Manager: “Before you say anything, ma’am, I have heard every word of this conversation.”

Customer: “And what are you going to do about it?”

Manager: “All I can do is ask: why are you still here?”

Retail workers! If you can work for small and independently-owned stores that don’t have a Corporate to cave into, do it!

A customer is buying a BBQ that comes in a large box.

Customer: “You should keep these in the refrigerated section of the store.”

Me: “Why is that, sir?”

Customer: “Well, who knows how long the meat inside has been sitting out in the regular aisle?!”

Me: “Uh… there’s no meat inside the box, sir. Just the BBQ.”

Customer: “The box has all the meat on it! It should come with the meat!”

Me: “That’s just to show how much meat can fit on the grill.”

Customer: “Call your manager over! That’s false advertising!”

My manager comes over, and the customer makes the complaint.

Manager: “Sir, it also has four friends around the BBQ on the box. They don’t come with it, either.”

Customer: “You know what I mean!”

Manager: “On the other side, there’s a family and a dog enjoying the BBQ.”

Customer: “You’ve made your point!”

Manager: “Thank you. Have a great day!”

Now I kind of wish a dog would pop his head out from inside the box…

Customer: “This dress in size twelve is $80.” 

Me: “That’s right.”

Customer: “But the size six is also $80?”

Me: “That’s right.”

Customer: “Shouldn’t it be half the price, since it’s half the size?”

Me: “That’s not how it works, ma’am.”

Customer: “No! I got a B in math at high school, so you can’t trick me! I know six is half of twelve!”

Me: “That’s not what I am referring to, ma’am. Dress sizing isn’t priced like that.”

Customer: “Get me your manager! You’re just not getting it.”

I call my manager and the customer makes the same complaint.

Manager: “Ma’am, [My Name] is correct. The dresses are all the same price regardless of size.”

Customer: “Did none of you do math in school?! The size six dress should be half the price of the size twelve!”

Manager: “Very well, ma’am. The price of the size twelve is now $160.”

Customer: “What?! You just doubled it!”

Manager: “Yes, and the size six is now half the price of the size twelve, as you demanded.”

Customer: “But… I…”

Manager: “Cash or card?”

She chose neither cash nor card but exit.