A couple walks up to the guest services office on the cruise ship just as we’re docking at our next stop.

Passenger: “Where are we docked now?”

Me: “Malta, sir.”

Passenger: “When do we get to Sicily? We’re really looking forward to seeing it.”

Me: “Uh… sir, we were just in Sicily.”

Passenger: “No, that was Palermo.”

Me: “Which is the capital of Sicily.”

Passenger: “For real? Ugh, Europe is so dumb! It all looks the same!”

Passenger’s Wife: “You’re the dumb one, honey.”

I silently sigh, thinking the wife is about to put some sense into her husband:

Passenger’s Wife: “We’re not even in Europe! Europe is inside France, and France is landlocked!”

I don’t think I ever heard a more incorrect sentence in my entire life…

A foreign couple has pre-booked a holiday package that included a ten-dive package. By the end of their holiday, they have their ten dives and two extra, so we present them with a bill for the remainder.

They look at the bill in confusion.

Customer: “But we paid for ten dives.”

Me: “Yes, your ten dives booked through [Travel Company] were settled directly with them. This is for the additional dives you had.”

Customer: “But we paid for ten dives.”

I politely explain again that the bill is for the extra dives.

Customer: “But we paid for ten dives.”

I take out a pen and paper and write down all the dates and times of their dive trips. The customer confirms they are correct. I circle the first ten and confirm there are ten in the circle and two remaining out. The customer confirms this. I am looking hopeful that there is understanding.

Customer: “But we paid for ten dives.”

I’m not ashamed to admit I threw the pen and paper into the air in exasperation.