Improper-sition

| Romantic | June 4, 2012

(My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. I have repeatedly told him I don’t want to get married again. It is a sore spot for him, but he has finally let it go. One day, I catch myself looking at wedding rings in the mall and I find one I like. It hits me like a freight train that I am ready to get married again, because I never look at or buy jewellery. I try the ring on, and it fits.)

Me: *calling him from the mall* “Hey. Do you still want to marry me?”

Boyfriend: “Uh…yeah?”

Me: “I’m at [store]. Get down here.”

(He shows up in under ten minutes. He looks confused, but doesn’t say a word. I tell the sales girl we’d take the ring I tried on. After he pays for it, she tries to box it up. He still hasn’t said a word at this point, when he shakes his head.)

Boyfriend: *to the sales clerk* “No, just hand it to me.”

(He turns to me and holds out the ring, then speaks with almost zero emotion.)

Boyfriend: “Will you marry me?”

Me: “Yup.” *he puts it on my finger* “Thanks.”

(My phone rings, it’s my mum.)

Mum: “What are you up to?”

Me: “Logan just proposed.”

Mum: “What? I just spoke to him ten minutes ago and he never said a word!”

Me: “I know. He didn’t know then.”

(It hits him then, and he has the biggest smile ever for the rest of the day.)

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Making A Difference

| Right | May 28, 2012

(We have a big display of used books just outside our doors that we sell to raise money for a local charity. Paperbacks are $1 and hardcovers are $3, but we sometimes let them give less money if the books aren’t in great condition. An older lady comes to the counter with a brand new-looking hardcover that I had originally thought she bought at the bookstore in the mall.)

Me: “That’s just from [the used books outside the mall]?”

Customer: “Ya.”

Me: “Okay, that’ll be $3, please.”

(The customer puts a single loonie on the counter.)

Me: “Oh, sorry. It’s $3.”

Customer: “WHAT!? But I got some paperbacks the other day and they were only $1!”

Me: “That’s because the paperbacks are $1, but the hardcovers are $3.”

Customer: “Well, that’s just ridiculous! I don’t want it, then!”

Me: “Well, I can take it for the $1 because it’s just a donation, but they’re supposed to the $3.”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “The money for the books goes to a charity, so since it’s just a donation, I can give it to you for a dollar. But, just so you know, the hardcovers are $3.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! $3 for a book!” *leaves the loonie on the counter and takes her book*

(About 20 minutes later, a teenage girl and her boyfriend come into the store with a hardcover book.)

Me: “That’ll be $3, please.”

(The teenage girl hands me a $5 bill. I open the donation jar to get her change.)

Teenage Girl: “Oh, it’s a donation?”

Me: “Yes.”

Teenage Girl: “Well, you can just take the whole $5, then.”

Me: “Thank you very much!”

Teenage Girl: “No problem!”

(Funny, the differences between some people!)

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Customers Actually Know A Thing Or Two

, , , | Working | May 27, 2012

(I was recently given a $2 bill from the bank. I don’t collect the things, so I try to use it to buy a $1 cookie from a cookie place in the mall.)

Employee: *looks at $2 bill* “I can’t accept that.”

Me: “What?”

Employee: “I need real money.”

Me: “It’s a two dollar bill—”

Employee: “If you don’t give me real money, I’m going to call security!”

Me: “It is real money. Are you being serious?”

Employee: “Are you retarded? I’m telling you, I’m going to call security if you keep trying to give me fake money!”

Me: “This is…you know what, do it. Call security.”

(The employee calls security, and a guard arrives shortly.)

Security Guard: *to me* “She tells me you’re trying to pass counterfeit money off on her?”

Me: *hands him the $2 bill*

Security Guard: *to the employee* “Really?”

Employee: *smugly* “Can you believe she tried to give that to me?!”

Security Guard: *walks away*

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When There’s A Will, There’s No Way

| Right | May 6, 2012

Customer: “Could you please tell me where the restrooms are?”

(I point in the direction of the restrooms.)

Me: “Yes, sir, it is right there beside the bakery.”

(The customer points in the opposite direction.)

Customer: “Beside the chocolate store?”

(I point again at the restrooms.)

Me: “No, sir, beside the bakery. Right there.”

(The customer points in the wrong direction again.)

Customer: “Over there?”

Me: “Sir, it is between the food court and the bakery. Right there.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. I got ya.” *walks off in the wrong direction*

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The Grinch That Closed Christmas

| Working | May 5, 2012

(I’m sitting in the break room when one of the mall security guards comes in.)

Security Guard: “Well, time to go make some little kids cry!”

Me: “What?!”

Coworker: “You telling them that the line for Santa is closing?”

Security Guard: “Yup!”

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