Killing Two Bigotries With One Stone

| Related | November 19, 2012

(I have been dragged along on a shopping trip with my mother and her best friend. When they go to pay for their items I stand a little ways away, having not bought anything myself, and wait for them. They are finishing paying.)

Male cashier: “These are some very nice purchases. Getting some shopping in while the husbands are at work, huh?”

(My mother looks truly offended, and grabs her friends hand.)

Mother: “Excuse me?! We are lesbians and we both work!”

(They storm out of the shop, leaving me and the cashier looking stunned and awkward.)

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Do-Mini-Matrix

| Romantic | November 19, 2012

(I am female. I am out with my boyfriend, and both of us have hair down to the middle of our back. A little girl sees us.)

Little girl: “Is he a naughty boy?”

Me: “What?”

Little girl: “Why else would he have long hair? It’s for you to pull whenever you don’t like what he does?”

(My boyfriend tries to suppress a giggle.)

Little girl: “He should make it into one long braid, then you can hold the end like a leash. That way he won’t ever get away from you.”

(My boyfriend and I share awkward glances and suppressed giggling.)

Little girl: “Are you going to take my advice? Please?”

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Wipe That Smirk If You Swipe At Work

| Working | October 17, 2012

(My mom and I are in line to pay our cellphone bill at a mall kiosk. It’s not actually owned by our cellphone provider, but is a company licensed to sell their services and accept bill payments. There are three men in their early 20s working. We’re standing in line when we see this exchange.)

Female Customer: “I was here last week to pay my bill, but the phone company keeps sending me texts that say they haven’t received my payment.”

Employee #1: “Did you get a receipt after you paid?”

Female Customer: “I don’t think so, but I know I paid it here. I even think he was working…” *points to Employee 2*

Employee #2: *smirks and rolls his eyes* “You don’t look familiar. Are you sure you paid here?”

Female Customer: “Of course I paid here! I work at [store at the mall] and came on my break to pay my bill.”

Employee #3: *smirking* “We can’t help you. Sorry.”

(The female customer is visibly upset and decides to just walk away. My mom and I walk up. Note that I’m in my 20s but look much younger than my age.)

Employee #1: *to my mom* “Hey ma’am! Can I interest you in one of our new Android phones?”

Me: “Actually, I just wanted to pay my phone bill.”

Employee #1: *still to my mom* “Oh, you need to pay your bill?”

My Mom: “No, my daughter needs to pay her bill.”

Employee #1: *condescending* “You know, we REALLY aren’t supposed to pay bills for people who got their phones from the company proper and not through us. I see you’re due for an upgrade. How about asking mommy to buy you one of our new Android phones so you can pay here without an issue?”

Me: “Look, dude. I’m happy with the phone I have now. I don’t want a new one. I know I can pay my bill through any of your company’s kiosks without any trouble so if you wouldn’t mind dropping the attitude and doing your job I’d greatly appreciate it.”

Employee #2: “Wow, attitude!”

Employee #1: “Your bill is $95.50.”

Me: *hand him my card*

Employee #1: “Oopsie! It seems we’ve accidentally charged you $950.00! Don’t worry, it’s just an error.”

Me: “I know you’re joking, but just give me my receipt so I can sign and get out of here, please?”

Employee #2: “Well, excuse us for trying to make jokes! Are you always this rude with people?”

(I sign and take my receipt which, thankfully, shows I was charged the correct amount. As we’re walking away my mom speaks up.)

My Mom: “Don’t think I won’t be calling your corporate offices about how you treated my daughter and that woman before us today. You’re lucky my daughter has arthritis, otherwise she’d kick your a**es!”

Me: “Mom!”

(My mom did end up calling corporate to complain, which is a good thing: a week later, I ran into the same female customer at a grocery store. It turns out the employees had stolen a number of payments from customers and that their store manager was even in on it. The company ended up firing everyone who worked at that branch.)

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If At First You Don’t Succeed, Cry Again

| Related | October 11, 2012

(I am almost 3 years old, and have become very upset that my mom won’t buy me a toy.)

Me: “But mommy! Please!”

Mom: “No.”

(I throw myself to the ground, kicking and crying.)

Mom: “Ha!”

(She throws herself to the ground, kicking and crying.)

Me: *I stop and sit up* “Ha ha, mommy. You look funny.”

Mom: “Oh, yeah? That’s what everyone in this mall thinks of you.”

(I never had another temper tantrum again.)

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There’s No Upright Way To Raise A Child

| Right | September 13, 2012

(My friend and I are sitting outside a store when we see a teenage girl chasing a little boy.)

Teenage Girl: “Get back here, kid! I’m not your freakin’ mother!”

Little Boy: “Can’t catch me!”

(The teenage girl catches the little boy a few feet away by the back of the shirt and picks him up. She then proceeds to walk back towards the store, smiling at us while carrying the boy upside down.)

Teenage Girl: “Nothing to see here. Cute shoes!”

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