(My mom and I are at the mall running some errands and she asks me if I’d like to stop at our cell phone provider’s kiosk to see if they can replace my screen protector which is cracked. For emphasis, my screen protector is cracked not my phone’s actual screen. I catch the attention of one of the kiosk’s employees.)

Me: “Hi, I need to replace my screen protector. I got it at your store when I bought my phone. Can I buy a new screen protector here?”

Employee: “Well, what brand was it?”

Me: “Oh. I don’t know.”

Employee: “Well, you need to contact that company about getting a replacement.”

Me: “Oh, no. I’m not looking for a replacement. I was just hoping I could buy a new screen protector here and have you guys put it on.”

Employee: “You need to contact the company and then fill out the form to get a replacement.”

Me: “But I just want to BUY a new screen protector.”

(At this point I gesture to the case in the kiosk that has glass screen protectors in it.)

Employee: “Yeah, you need to contact the company.”

(My mom is bristling at this point and about to go off, but I shake my head at her and thank the employee and then walk about 20 ft. to a glass screen protector kiosk. They replace my screen protector with no problem, a two-week warranty, and a discount on my next replacement.)

(My daughter has recently come out as a lesbian; most of our family is very supportive. She comes out to her aunt (my sister-in-law) as we’re parking in front of the local mall. My sister-in-law parks so badly that the car is at a 45 degree angle with the lines.)

Sister-In-Law: “Wow, I didn’t park very well, did I?”

Daughter: “It’s still straighter than I am.”

(I am nine. My mother and I are at the shopping centre on the weekend. I am a huge tomboy, and often wear boyish clothing, as well as having relatively short hair. I walk into the women’s bathroom.)

Random Lady: “Excuse me, this is the women’s bathroom!”

Me: “Yes, I’m quite aware. I am female.”

Random Lady: “Well… you are against god’s will! You dress like a boy! You should be ashamed of yourself!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I didn’t ask for your opinion.”

(As I’m walking away.)

Random Lady: *gasp* “You are a rude and disrespectful child!”

(Someone who was standing near us and heard the whole conversation intervenes.)

Woman: “No, ma’am. You are rude and disrespectful. You need to learn to respect other people’s choices.”

(The lady gasped and walked away as if she has been slapped. I told my mum about it later and we both laughed at people’s ignorance.)

(I overhear the following conversation of a good looking, early- to mid-20s-year-old girl as she is talking on the phone. It is also a few days after Halloween.)

Girl: “Did I tell you the wild Halloween that I had?”

(She pauses for a few seconds as the person replies.)

Girl: “Yeah, so, get this. I’m at home and there’s a knock at the door. So I go and open it and there are two boys standing there in costume, pretty s*** costumes, too, and they do the whole ‘trick or treat’ thing. I didn’t want to be a b**** but I also had nearly nothing in the house and the only thing I could spare was some cans of [Cheap Beer] that were left-over from that party a month ago, so I gave them that.”

(Pauses again.)

Girl: “So, yeah, their parents found out and f****** dobbed me in, so I got fined.”

(My brother is walking through a shopping complex with the woman who has been his girlfriend since high school. They are now in their early 20s. They walk past a jewellry store and there is a sale with 50% off on rings.)

Brother: *turns to his girlfriend and says* “I suppose I should get you one of those, eh?”

(And that is the story of the least romantic proposal of anyone I’ve ever known.)