I’m the author of “You Snow What You’re Doing.” The pop-up store I worked in was located inside a large mall. On Halloween, all of the stores had an employee at the door handing out candy to the kids trick-or-treating through the mall. (I’m not really sure why that’s a thing — probably because it’s safer — but the point is that it’s fun for the kids.) I got to sit at our door and hand out candy, which was really fun because the kids were all so cute and excited.

Eventually, a little boy dressed as a cute little red devil came over with a woman who I assumed was either his mother or his babysitter. He bounced up to me with a big smile.

Me: “Wow, what a great costume! Go ahead and take one, buddy.”

The little boy smiled and took a candy, and then he made the American Sign Language sign for, “Thank you.”

Woman: *Helpfully* “That means, ‘Thank you!’”

I don’t speak ASL by any means, but I learned a few bits and pieces in high school when I volunteered to sign along with our choral recitals as some of our hearing students had deaf parents; two of these students taught us the sign language.

I balanced the candy bowl on my lap, smiled at the boy, and made the sign for, “You’re welcome.” This little munchkin’s face absolutely lit up in delight, and he ran back to the woman, tugging at her jeans and signing faster than I could follow even if I knew what he was saying.

Woman: *Surprised* “You speak sign language?”

Me: *Signing what I can* “I sign a tiny bit; I learned from some friends in high school.”

Woman: *Smiling brightly* “Well, you’ve absolutely made his night; no one else has signed back to him. He knows it’s not very common, but still.”

Me: “Well, hey, I hope you both continue to have a wonderful Halloween!”

Woman: “You, too, honey! Take care!”

I will treasure the grin on that adorable kid’s face as he waved to me forever!

Related:
You Snow What You’re Doing

I have worked at a seasonal mall calendar kiosk for a couple of years. It is around New Year’s, and a customer grabs the Civil War calendar, which is twelve months of art of the American Civil War.

He then asks me disparagingly, as if this shoddy product trick has been pulled on him before:

Customer: “Now, is this calendar all from our Civil War or just someone else’s civil war?”

Me: “Actually, I think it’s the Icelandic civil war. They just have American and Rebel flags in the pictures because they were cheaper to license.”

CONTENT WARNING: Sexual Assault

This was the worst date I had been on. He and I met on a dating site, talked for a couple of months, and then decided to go on a date. We met up at the mall. The moment I saw him — and this will sound horrible — I was bored. I even thought to myself, “I wanna go home and get online with my friends.” But I knew that was horrible to think, so I decided to force through first impressions.

We went into the mall on a four-hour date. I talk, a lot. But I have never tried so dang hard to get a guy to speak before!

Me: “So, what kind of movies do you like?”

Date: “I dunno.”

Me: “What’s your favorite color?”

Date: “I dunno.”

Me: “What do you feel like eating?”

Date: “I dunno.”

At the end of the date, he grabbed my breasts and kissed me so hard that it split my lip open when it was crushed against my teeth. Then, he stuck his tongue in my mouth and just… let it sit there… like a dead fish. I quickly pulled back.

Me: “I’m sorry, this isn’t working out.”

I was wiping the blood from my lips at this point.

Date: *Sighs* “Yeah, I kinda figured. When did you realize it?”

I didn’t want to say, “The moment I saw you,” so I lied.

Me: “When we went to lunch.”

That was about two hours in.

Date: “Really? That long?”

Me: “Yeah. When did you realize?”

Date: “When we went into [Store]. You kept trying to force me to buy a Harry Potter wand.”

That was the very first store we went into. I love “Harry Potter”, but I was being sarcastic when I said, “Oh, look! A $50 Harry Potter wand! You KNOW you want this,” complete with an eye-roll and a laugh.

So, we said our goodbyes and I headed home. I got on the dating site, and before I could block him, he sent me a message. He said we needed to talk about what had happened on the date so we could fix our mistakes and make sure we didn’t mess up with the next people we dated. I told him, “No, no. The date was bad. We don’t ever have to talk to each other again.” He tried to correct me, saying we needed this, so I blocked him.

It is the Christmas rush at a music and video store in a very large mall back in the mid-1990s. Five cashiers are manning a line about a hundred yards long.

An old lady walks right up to the front of my line, cutting off tons of people, and shoves her pile of videos and CDs on the counter. I pause to look at her and the already-obviously-rising rage in my customers in line immediately to her right.

Me: *Politely* “The end of the line is that-a-way.”

I gesture to the back of the store. She looks at me and, without missing a lick, says:

Customer: “I’m not gonna buy all this stuff if you make me wait in that line.”

Me: “Okay, bye.”

And I started ringing up the next customer in line. She got all huffy and stormed out while the customers and I chuckled.

It’s three days before Christmas and I’m picking up last-minute gifts and food at a huge shopping centre with my three kids aged fourteen, eight, and two.

This shopping centre is so big that they run free shuttle buses between different entrances and carparks. I don’t drive due to medical reasons, but since we live within walking distance we often use the service. Today, we have just gotten off the bus when a bad storm hits. It is so bad that it is hailing sideways and pouring rain, with really strong winds and thunder and lightning.

Me: *To the kids* “Oh, that’s not good. We might go and get a drink and see if it passes before walking home.”

Shuttle Driver: “Where do you live?”

Me: “Just up on [Road]. Hopefully it passes soon, or my husband can pick us up later.”

Shuttle Driver: “I’ll be back here in half an hour and then I’m going on break. If you like, I can drop you guys home.”

Me: “Oh, wow! Thank you; that’s so nice. Why don’t we grab a drink and see if it passes? If not, we might take you up on that.”

Shuttle Driver: “You and your kids are always really friendly and polite. You’ve got really good kids. It’s only up the road, and you can’t walk in this weather.”

After thanking him again, we went and got drinks at a coffee shop where I picked up a gift card. It was still storming when we left, so we met the bus. He loaded all of our thing for us and dropped us right as at our front door, insisting that I run ahead and get the kids inside while he brought everything onto our porch. By the time he was done, he was soaking wet. I thanked him profusely and gave him the gift card. He was extremely grateful and told me that anytime he was working, if I needed a lift home, he’d be more than happy to help.