Half Price Drives Away Half The Customers

| Aurora, IL, USA | Working | December 20, 2016

(I’ve driven two hours to do some outlet shopping. I am excited to see that my favorite denim brand has an outlet, so I decide to stop in. These jeans are fairly expensive, so I’m looking to find some good deals. I’ve got shopping bags from 2 different stores: a popular high end purse outlet and a shoe store known for their super fuzzy boots and slippers. In short, it’s obvious that I’ve come to shop!)

Employee #1: *opens the door for me* “Hi there! How are you today?”

Me: “I’m doing good, and you?”

Employee #1: “Fantastic! Just so you know; everything in the store is 50% off today!”

Me: “Awesome! Thanks!”

(I notice that the store is very quiet, but don’t think anything of it. I head for the sale rack, and find the exact pair of jeans that I was looking at on the store’s full-price website. And they are in my size! If the additional 50% off applies, I can snag these for under $50! I look around for the employee at the door to confirm that the sale jeans are also under the storewide promo, but notice he is working with another customer. I spot another sales guy, and tap him on the shoulder.)

Me: “Excuse me, but I just wanted to confirm that the storewide 50% off applies the sale jeans also?”

Employee #2: “No.”

Me: “Really? Because the guy over there said—”

Employee #2: *patronizingly* “THIS is the $99 rack. Those are already marked down. OVER THERE is the $79 rack. Those are already marked down, too. THE FRONT of the store is 50% off. You know, the FULL PRICE jeans.”

Me: “Thank you very much.”

(I put the jeans back on the rack and walked out of the store. Now we know why the store was quiet! Poor Employee #1. He did his best.)

Getting A Birds’ Eye View Of The Situation

| Harderwijk, The Netherlands | Working | December 16, 2016

(While going home from church on a Sunday, my mom and I come across a little magpie sitting on the parking lot by a mall. He looks very young and quite pinched. Mom says she saw him earlier this week at the same place, and judging by how close we can get to it without it moving an inch, I make the conclusion it can’t fly. I call the local animal shelter.)

Me: “There’s a baby magpie here at [Mall], and I think it has fallen out of his nest or something. He doesn’t look that good.”

Animal Shelter: “A little magpie at [Mall], huh? Well, I can assure you, the little bugger is in no danger whatsoever! We’ve been there FOUR TIMES trying to catch that one! He’s just too darn stubborn to be caught! I swear, he even flies straight into [Supermarket] to shop for chips! That little criminal… Well, if you can catch him, be my guest and bring him over. I’m done with this one!”

Me: *cracking up* “Well, if he seems to manage himself there’s no harm in leaving him here I guess, but I think he doesn’t know how to fly yet…”

Animal Shelter: “Oh, yes, he does! He flies like a bullet! He’s just too lazy to show it off. Thinks he’s good at playing drama. They’re smart little buggers you know, magpies. Oh no, there’s nothing wrong with this birdie. Just has a hard head.”

(His tone indicates it’s been a slow day and he’s just looking for small talk. Also, the comical indifference in his voice is very amusing. We went back and forth over this ”little feathered criminal” for about ten minutes.)

Me: *hangs up the phone and turns to the magpie, sitting a couple of yards away* “Well, aren’t you a little troll!”

In The Right Sample Age

, | Overland Park, KS, USA | Working | December 12, 2016

(I’m at the mall doing some shopping, and see that they have a kiosk up that opens every holiday season, specializing in processed meats and cheeses. There is an older gentleman trying to get people to stop and try some samples. He is pleasant and smiling. I’m in my late 30s and get mistaken for younger quite a bit. I have a smooth complexion, with crows feet if you really look, and I’m only 4’10”.)

Me: “Sure, I’d love to try some samples. What do you have?”

Kiosk Gentleman: *hesitating* “Sorry, little miss, you have to be over 15 to try these.”

Me: “I’m 37.”

Kiosk Gentleman: “Oh! Uh… sorry, you look like a kid that was running around here earlier. She had on a similar sweater.”

Me: *laughing* “Well, I promise I’m old enough for samples. I used to work at one of these kiosks as one of my first jobs nearly 20 years ago!”

No Screen To Protect You From Dumb Employees

, | Eugene, OR, USA | Working | December 8, 2016

(My mom and I are at the mall running some errands and she asks me if I’d like to stop at our cell phone provider’s kiosk to see if they can replace my screen protector which is cracked. For emphasis, my screen protector is cracked not my phone’s actual screen. I catch the attention of one of the kiosk’s employees.)

Me: “Hi, I need to replace my screen protector. I got it at your store when I bought my phone. Can I buy a new screen protector here?”

Employee: “Well, what brand was it?”

Me: “Oh. I don’t know.”

Employee: “Well, you need to contact that company about getting a replacement.”

Me: “Oh, no. I’m not looking for a replacement. I was just hoping I could buy a new screen protector here and have you guys put it on.”

Employee: “You need to contact the company and then fill out the form to get a replacement.”

Me: “But I just want to BUY a new screen protector.”

(At this point I gesture to the case in the kiosk that has glass screen protectors in it.)

Employee: “Yeah, you need to contact the company.”

(My mom is bristling at this point and about to go off, but I shake my head at her and thank the employee and then walk about 20 ft. to a glass screen protector kiosk. They replace my screen protector with no problem, a two-week warranty, and a discount on my next replacement.)

Needs To Reorient The Car

| Buffalo, NY, USA | Related | November 22, 2016

(My daughter has recently come out as a lesbian; most of our family is very supportive. She comes out to her aunt (my sister-in-law) as we’re parking in front of the local mall. My sister-in-law parks so badly that the car is at a 45 degree angle with the lines.)

Sister-In-Law: “Wow, I didn’t park very well, did I?”

Daughter: “It’s still straighter than I am.”

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