Weirdly Placed Manners

, , , , , | Friendly | April 25, 2020

I like to think that I am “down with the kids.” I’m almost thirty years old and have always liked kids. Apparently, kids don’t always like you back.

I entered [Very Large, Famous Clothing Store] and saw a little boy, maybe five or six years old, sitting on the floor under a clothing rack, sulking. Thinking that I could be the one to cheer him up, I smiled at him… and got a death glance back from him.

Okay, this one is a hard pleaser, so I jokingly stuck my tongue out. Shouldn’t have done that.

The sourpuss kid immediately yelled at me, “YOU DO NOT GET TO STICK PUT YOUR TONGUE AT ME! IT IS NOT ALLOWED!”

Pretty sure the entire store heard him. 

I quickly scrambled away from this kid, promising myself never to interact with unknown kids ever again.

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Those Kinds Of Charges Feel Like Battery

, , , , , , | Working | April 24, 2020

(I need to get a new battery for my phone. I look online on several sites and they all list the price as $40. Not wanting to wait for a battery to ship, I decide to go to a cell phone store at my local mall.)

Me: “Hi, I need a battery for this phone. Would you happen to have any in stock?”

Clerk: *looks at phone* “Yes, we carry this one. Let me get one for you.”

Me: “Great! How much is it?”

Clerk: *checks register* “It’s $60. Plus tax.”

Me: “Whoa, wait! This battery is $40 on virtually any website that sells them. Why is it so expensive here?”

Clerk: “Well, we also have to install it for you.”

Me: *indignant* “I can install it myself, thank you.”

Clerk: “No, we have to install it for you or else we can’t sell it to you.”

Me: “So, let me get this straight: you’re charging me $40 for the battery and $20 to install it, something I can do myself in ten seconds flat?”

Clerk: “Yep.”

Me: “No.”

(I turned right around and walked out and bought my battery online. It lasted the remaining lifetime of the phone. The mall shop in question, however, did not last a year.)

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“Professional” Means Getting Paid For Your Time

, , , , , , | Working | April 23, 2020

(This takes place at my first job. I work at a popular teenage clothing store at the mall. The earliest we are allowed to clock in is five minutes before our shift starts. My shift starts at 11:00 am and I walk in at 10:50 to go to the break room before clocking in. At 10:55, I clock in, when the manager on duty approaches me along with some of my coworkers.)

MOD: “[My Name]! You’re late!”

Me: *glances at my watch* “What do you mean? It’s 10:55. Doesn’t my shift start at 11:00?”

MOD: “Yes, but you’re supposed to be here fifteen minutes before your shift starts so the team can go over stuff.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. No one ever told me that.”

MOD: “Be here on time next time.”

Me: “Okay. So, just for clarification, we are allowed to clock in fifteen minutes before our shift? Because I thought it was only five minutes.”

MOD: “No. It’s still only five minutes before.”

Me: “Wait. What? So you want us to show up fifteen minutes before our shift but we can’t clock in?”

MOD: “Yes.”

Me: *long pause* “Yeah, that’s not going to happen. If I’m required to be here fifteen minutes before our shift to do work-related things, then I’m clocking in so I get paid for that time.”

(The MOD didn’t really know how to respond to me telling her no. Apparently, I was the only one who had actually said something back. Later, she told me it was unprofessional of me to talk to her that way in front of the other employees. I responded that it was unprofessional of her to talk to me about being “late” in front of my coworkers.)

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Our Brain Is Shredded Trying To Think About This Exchange

, , , | Right | April 14, 2020

My mom and I are at the mall. The first place we stop is the food court, and we head over to a sub shop. My mom always gets the same sandwich. Everything is going smoothly until the following exchange.

Employee: “Cheese on your sandwich?”

Mom: “Yes, please.”

Employee: “What kind?”

Mom: “Shredded.”

Employee: “Cheddar or mozzarella?”

Mom: “Shredded.”

Employee: “Cheddar or mozzarella?”

Mom: “Shredded.”

Employee: *a little louder* “Cheddar or mozzarella?”

Mom: “Shredded.”

Me: “Mom, she knows you want shredded cheese. She wants to know what kind. Do you want cheddar or mozzarella?”

Mom: “Shredded.”

Employee: “Cheddar or mozzarella?”

Mom: “Uh, mozzarella.”

Me: “Then why didn’t you just tell her that?”

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How To Catch A Cat-Caller

, , , , , , | Friendly | April 10, 2020

One of my friends is what I’d politely call an “agitator”. She particularly likes to try and dress and act in a “provocative” manner, specifically so that she can give a tongue-lashing to anyone who comments on it. And before someone jumps down my throat about misinterpreting things, she has straight-up told us that that is why she dresses and acts like she does. She takes quite a bit of pride in it.

Anyway, on the day of the current crisis, we’ve met up at the mall for shopping and lunch. We’ve finished up and are on our way out the doors when we hear some boys calling.

Guy #1: “Hey! Hey, gorgeous, over here.”

Guy #2: “No, no, this way! Come here.”

Guy #1: “Come here, come to papa.”

My friend immediately whirled around, all puffed up and ready to let them have it, only to pause when she actually saw them. There was a group of four teenage guys, none of them facing us, circled around a cat, offering little bits of what I think was chicken as it lazily paced around between them.

My friend let out a loud huff before turning and stomping off, upset that she couldn’t get upset over them doing some literal cat-calling.

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