I’d Probably Break The Phone

, , , , | Right | February 12, 2021

I work as a receptionist in a mall administrative office. Part of my job is fielding calls from people wanting information about the various shops. The one call that has stuck in my mind — like a popcorn kernel between teeth — is this one.

Me: “Good morning, [Mall]. How may I help you?”

The caller is a young teenage girl, by the sound of her voice.

Caller: “Hi. I’m looking for this… store?”

There’s a long pause.

Me: “Yes?”

Caller: “Well, it’s in the mall…”

There’s another pause.

Me: “Okay, what is the name of the store?”

Caller: “I don’t remember.”

Me: “Well, what do they sell?”

Caller: “Clothes…?”

There’s yet another pause.

Me: “What sort of clothes?”

Caller: “You know… clothes!”

And yet another pause.

Me: “Okayyyy, do you know what part of the mall the store is in? Is it close to the front entrance or more toward the back?”

Caller: “I dunno.”

Me: “Do you remember if it’s by any other stores?”

Caller: *Pauses* “Yeah.”

Me: “Which stores were they?”

Caller: “I dunno.”

Me: *Taking a deep breath* “Okay. Tell you what. I’ll start reading the names of our clothing stores and you can tell me which one it is. Okay?”

There are more than twenty clothing stores all told.

Caller: “I guess.”

Me: “[Store #1]?”

Caller: “Um… No…?”

Me: “How about [Store #2]?”

Caller: *Pauses* “I don’t think so.”

This goes on through another seven or eight store names, until:

Caller: “Um, wait. Which mall is this again?”

Me: “This is [Mall].”

Caller: “Ohhhhh. I was calling for [Mall #2].” *Click*

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Is That How He Thinks Disabled People Bathe?

, , , , | Right | February 9, 2021

I work at a copy shop in a small shopping center in Austria. We’re located right next to the toilets. The disabled toilet is always locked, as it has a standardized lock and most disabled people have a key that unlocks any such bathroom door.

Occasionally, people come into our shop to ask if we can unlock the door for them; most of them are surprised to hear that there are standardized locks. In these cases, we usually call the management of the shopping center to send someone down to unlock the toilets.

I’m near the entrance, talking to a coworker, when a man enters and asks, in English, whether we could unlock the disabled toilet for him. I talk to him, as my English is better than my coworker’s, and explain the key situation.

Me: “If you need to use the toilet, we can call someone down to unlock it for you.”

I turn to my coworker and speak in German.

Me: “Could you call upstairs, please, and ask if they can open the disabled toilet?”

My coworker calls house management.

Customer: “No, that’s all right. I don’t want to cause you any inconvenience.”

Me: “It’s really no inconvenience at all.”

Coworker: *In German* “They’re sending someone down.”

Me: “They’re already on their way. The door will be open in a bit.”

Customer: “Oh, thank you. I’ll wait outside, then.”

The man goes outside to wait in front of the toilet. My coworker turns to me.

Coworker: “He doesn’t really look like he’s got a disability.”

Me: “Yeah, but I wasn’t going to say anything. Maybe he’s got something that’s not obvious; I don’t know. It’s not really any of my business.”

Coworker: “Yeah, guess you’re right.”

After a bit, the janitor shows up. He speaks to the man for a bit before shaking his head. The man leaves, still as cheerful as he was when he came in, and waves to me as he passes by. After that, the janitor comes into our shop.

Me: “What was that about?”

Janitor: “Apparently, he didn’t need to go to the toilet. He asked if he could take a shower in the disabled bathroom.”

I was left slightly speechless. I mean first of all, what disabled toilet includes a shower, and second of all, why would he think to take a shower in the disabled toilet of a small shopping center?

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What A DDDouche

, , , , , | Right | January 31, 2021

I work at a well-known lingerie store in a mall. I am currently on the register answering the phone.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Lingerie Store]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I was wondering if you had bras for bigger women. Because my girlfriend has D cups and we can never find anything for her.”

Me: “Our sizes go all the way up to thirty-eight DDD.”

Caller: “Okay, cool. Hey, what’s your bra size?”

I am so shocked that I’m not thinking clearly.

Me: “I’m a thirty-six DDD.”

Caller: “Wow! Those are too big. Like, you should see a doctor and get them fixed. You got problems.”

Me: *Now quite indignant* “Well, my husband likes them just fine, so no, I don’t.”

At that point, I hang up. It’s not okay to do that when you’re talking to a potential customer but I explain it to my boss, in case the person calls back, and she laughs.

Boss: “That’s fine. I doubt they’ll call to complain.”

They never did.

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Wears His Heart On His Long Sleeve

, , , , | Right | January 31, 2021

I work for a company known for flannel and outerwear, and it’s been cold and snowy for two weeks already this year.

Me: “Thanks for calling [Store] at [Mall]. This is [My Name]; how may I help you?”

Caller: “Do you have any fall shirts in store? Like long-sleeve shirts?”

Me: “At the moment we have long-sleeve plain T-shirts and some long-sleeve button-ups, but we’re primarily winter items right now, mainly fleece and flannel.”

Caller: “Do you have any polos in store?”

Me: “No, polos are a summer item for our store.”

Caller: “Even long-sleeve ones? That’s ridiculous! How come you never have any products for the current season in-store! Would they be at the outlet? I bought one in your store years ago!”

Me: “We carry different products than the outlet, sir, so you’d have to call them to ask. You might also be able to find them on our website, or it’s possible that they’ve been phased out.”

Caller: “So you’re telling me they don’t sell well enough in stores to be sold there? That’s ridiculous! I’ve been shopping at [Store] since I was a child and I’m fifty years old now! I’m as middle-class as they come!” *Hangs up*

Me: “What the eff?”

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In Line And Out Of Line, Part 15

, , , , , , , | Right | January 18, 2021

We usually only have a manager and two sellers. One of those sellers is also designated cashier.

I’m the cashier this morning, and we aren’t very busy. Suddenly, I have a small line of about four people, the other seller has to help someone in the fitting room, and my manager has to go to the back to accept shipment. There is no one to cover the floor and definitely no one to help me ring up.

I’m ringing out [Customer #1]’s decently-sized purchase and [Customer #2] right behind her starts sighing loudly and sucking her teeth.

[Customer #2] then comes up to the counter next to [Customer #1] and slams her stuff down.

Customer #2: “Isn’t there anyone else who can ring?”

Me: “Actually, no. Unfortunately, I’m the only one available as my coworker is assisting a customer in the fitting room and my manager had to go to the back to accept shipment. We’re not busy on Thursday mornings, as you can see, so we normally only have three people working. But thank you so much for being patient; I really appreciate it.”

[Customer #2] looked shocked and said a small, “Oh,” right as I finished up with [Customer #1].

I was expecting [Customer #2] to continue to be rude, because that’s how it usually goes, but she actually apologized and said she hurt her back at the gym, so standing there for so long — she was in line for maybe two minutes, max — was hurting. Either way, it was nice to have a customer actually apologize for their behavior.

In Line And Out Of Line, Part 14
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 13
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 12
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 11
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 10

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