Parents Versus The Oldies

, , , , , , , | | Friendly | July 5, 2019

(The shopping centre nearest my home is really family friendly with free play spaces, breastfeeding rooms, food heating facilities, etc. However, for some reason, out of 1000 parking spaces, there are only four parent and child spaces. These spaces are wider than normal spaces to allow for parents to get car seats in and out. They’re also only a courtesy so, while it’s rude, anyone can park there. It’s nearly impossible to get a parent and child space as a result, but one day I’m lucky enough to get parked there. After I’ve finished shopping, I’m getting my five-month-old baby settled back in the car when, out of the corner of my eye, I notice a car waiting on the space. They’re blocking the whole car park by waiting where they are, but I still have to secure my baby and fold the buggy before I can drive away. After a minute, the car drives off, but I notice the driver circles the car park and returns to wait again. As I’m about to get in my car, I notice the driver is a woman in her 60s and there’s clearly no one else in the car. Annoyed, I approach her car.)

Me: “Hi. Are you waiting on my space?”

Driver: “Yep.”

Me: “Okay, but you know this is parent and child parking, right? You don’t have a child with you.”

Driver: “I know, but I’m old and can’t walk far. I need to park near the door.”

Me: “If you go around by entrance A, they actually have age-friendly parking for people like you.”

Driver: “I tried to park there and all the spaces are taken.”

Me: “Well, that doesn’t mean you should park in a parent and child space. A parent with a child needs the space way more than you do. I’m sure if you drive around you can find a space close to the door.”

Driver: “I’m still going to park here, though.”

Me: “Umm, no, you’re not. There are only four spaces for parents, and I’m not going to let you park here.”

Driver: “What are you going to do about it?”

Me: “I’m going to unpack the car and continue shopping until you’re long gone.”

(With that, I turned and started unpacking the buggy again. The woman huffed and screeched off. A woman walking into the shopping centre with her two kids saw the exchange and laughingly thanked me. I asked her where she was parked and she pointed to a space nearby where her husband was getting ready to unload their buggy for their baby who was still in the car. I told her to tell her husband to bring the car over and he could have my space when I drove out. As I was driving out, the original woman tried to cut in and steal the space from the family, but thankfully, they got in first.)

Because Pushing Tires Would Be Silly

, , , , | | Friendly | July 3, 2019

(I’m following a father and son into a nearby mall. I assume they are not Canadian after the following happens. There’s a bilingual sticker on the door in English and French saying, “Pull/Tirez.”)

Son: “Dad, why does it say, ‘Pull tires,’ on the door?”

Father: “I don’t know. They just do things strange up here.”

Email Sale Fail

, , , , | | Right | July 1, 2019

(I approach a middle-aged woman to see if she needs help.)

Me: “Are you finding everything okay?”

Customer: “No! You’re out of the fragrance I want and I have a coupon to use for it.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but I can place an online order and have it shipped to your house; that way you can still use the coupon.”

Customer: “I don’t believe in the Internet. I need this today! I live out of town!”

Me: *confused because the coupon is an email-only coupon* “Can I please see your coupon? It should be in your email.”

Customer: “Here!” *hands me smartphone with coupon pulled up in email*

Me: “Are you sure you didn’t want to order your product?”

Customer: “I don’t believe in the Internet! But yes, if you can order that for me, that should be fine.”

Me: “…”

Hunting Down The Scavengers

, , , | | Right | June 17, 2019

(The mall I work in has a No Solicitation policy. They also frequently have tween and teen groups doing scavengers hunts. Ten minutes after opening on a Saturday, a group of seven girls, around age fourteen, walks in with two adults. While I know they are on a scavenger hunt, there isn’t anything I can do until they actually out themselves and/or break store policy by taking pictures. As they look around the store, I can hear them whispering to each other about what products will work for items on their list.)

Girl: *holding up a pack of tissue paper* “How much will this cost?”

Me: “$2.95”

Girl: *to group* “Well, this would work for #5, since it’s pink!”

Girl’s Mom: “That’s a lot of money for one item… Maybe you can just get one piece?”

Girl: *to me* “Do you sell single sheets?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. They only come in the pack of eight sheets.”

Girl: “Do you have any swatches or samples we could have for free?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, and we don’t participate in scavenger hunts.”

(Mind you, I haven’t actually asked them to leave at this point; I’ve just made it clear that we won’t be participating.)

Girl’s Mom: “EXCUSE ME?! What makes you think this is a scavenger hunt?!”

Me: “I can tell.”

Girl’s Mom: “No, I want to know exactly why you’re refusing service to my daughter!”

Me: “Ma’am, you brought a group of teenage girls into a specialty boutique whose typical demographic is middle-aged women. They are holding a printed-out, numbered list, and discussing what they can get to qualify for those numbers. They asked for free merchandise. All of those are tell-tale signs of a scavenger hunt, which is, by the way, in violation of the mall’s No Solicitation policy. But do correct me if I’m wrong about any of this.”

Girl’s Mom: “I want to speak to your manager!”

Me: “Ma’am, I am the store manager.”

Girl’s Mom: “Well, how do you expect to do any business if you won’t participate in community events?!”

Me: “Your daughter’s birthday party is not a community event. And I expect to make a profit by not giving away merchandise to teenagers who are never going to spend a dime in my high-end store.”

Girl’s Mom: “Come on, girls; let’s go somewhere else!”

(I promptly called my buddies in the security office, and later saw the group being escorted through the mall, I can only assume to the exit.)

He Was In Arizona All Along

, , , , , , | | Romantic | June 14, 2019

(While we’re at the mall, I sit down at a table to take a break while my wife wanders off to look in [National Candle Store Chain]. When she comes back, she is grinning and can barely contain her laughter.)

Me: “What are you laughing at?”

Wife: “Well, I saw a post on the Internet about a specific candle scent. Apparently, someone claimed it smelled like the perfect man. The post has a lot of replies with variations on the theme of, ‘I went and smelled it, and you were right; it is the scent of the perfect man!’ So, I was curious and had to go smell it myself.”

Me: “And? What did it smell like?”

Wife: “You!”

Me: *confused* “What?”

Wife: “It is the same scent as your body wash!”

(I don’t mean to brag, but… I have multiple people on the Internet claiming that I’m the perfect man. I still tease my wife about this.)

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