Old Money Meets Customer Service  

, , , , | Right | October 21, 2019

(I work in a cosmetics store. I’m currently helping a client, as is my coworker, when a sixty-something-year-old woman comes in with her granddaughter.)

Customer: “Hey, can I use my store card in here?”

Me: “Yes, absolutely.”

Customer: *hangs around like she needs something*

Me: “I’ll be with you in just a moment, ma’am. I can answer more questions as soon as I’m done with [Client].” 

Customer: “Hmph.”

Me: “Feel free to look around in the meantime!”

(I finish with the client and help the customer and her granddaughter. By the time I’m done helping them, no more than twenty minutes have passed since she came in.)

Customer: “I’m going to help you improve your sales. Who spends the money here?!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “I do! I’m sixty-three, so I’ve accumulated wealth over my years! Not these young little things you were helping! So, what you should do is let them know you’ll be with them later after you help me! Otherwise, I don’t feel like a valued customer since I’m the one spending more money!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m very sorry, but we try to serve our clients in the order came in so that it’s fair to everyone.”

Customer: “But I have more money!”

Me: *rings up her purchases and lets her know her total*

Customer: “You must not have a good relationship with your grandmother!”

Me: *trying not to cry* “Actually, my grandmother recently passed.”

Customer: “Clearly you didn’t have a good relationship with her since you don’t know how to serve the elderly! So, next time, if I come in again after this, I’m going to seek you out specifically, and you’re going to help me find exactly what I’m looking for. I’m going to be your top priority! I need to know you’ve changed your ways!”

Me: “All right, ma’am. Have a nice day.”

Customer: “Remember, I spend the money!”

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With Friends Like These…  

, , | Right | October 18, 2019

(Monthly, my store is scored on how many surveys we get in, as well as how high the customer scores us in the surveys. We try to offer the surveys to everyone.)

Me: *reading over the surveys my manager has just printed out* “Uh… [Manager]?”

Manager: “Hmm?”

Me: “Did someone really give us a poor score because they didn’t like the people they were shopping with!?”

(The survey said, “There was nothing wrong with the store and the staff were lovely, but I had a poor time because of the people I came with, 0/10.”)

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If This Is Cursed, Then Hit Me With That Magic!

, , , , , | Friendly | October 1, 2019

(It’s early in the day and not many people are at the mall. As I enter through the main doors, there’s a flash of black near my ankles. I look down and see that a black cat has shot past me into the mall.)

Me: “Where did you come from?”

Cat: “Meow.” 

Me: “Let’s get you back outside, okay?”

Cat: “Meow.” 

(I carefully reach downwards, prepared to pull back if the cat reacts poorly. But it doesn’t object to me scooping it up and holding it. I’m about to take it back outside when I notice a female scowling and making strange gestures with her hands, almost like she’s making a cross.)

Me: “Uh, ma’am?”

Female: “You picked up a black cat! You’re cursed!”

(I changed my mind and walked over to the mall security office, more to report the female’s behavior than concerned with the cat. But of course, mall security was concerned about the cat, and since the female didn’t actually do anything to me, they couldn’t do anything about her. The cat had no ID of any kind or any indication of where it came from. And that’s how I met my furry owner. He’s owned me for seven years now and has added my girlfriend and my son to his list of pet humans.)

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The Mother Of All Bad Customers, Part 2

, , , , , , | Right | September 27, 2019

(My mum and I are heading out of a large shopping centre when we walk past a small store that specialises in vacuum and steam cleaners. Something in the display window appears to catch her eye and she excitedly scuttles in. I trudge in after her, slightly confused, as my mum isn’t usually an impulse buyer and as far as I’d known she had no plans of purchasing any sort of vacuum or mop. She quickly catches the attention of the only employee working the shop floor: a young, eager fellow who seems to be in his twenties:)

Mum: “Excuse me. I’m interested in this vacuum here; how does it work?”

Employee: “Ah, this is a great choice and you would save a lot with the sale we have on today. This is an all-in-one cleaner; it has a vacuum function and it can also steam clean…”

(He goes into a short spiel about the product’s specifications.)

Mum: “How wonderful! Could you show me how it works?”

(The employee then takes the display product, plugs it in, and starts steam cleaning the floor in front of her. My mum asks a lot of questions, and the employee dutifully shows her how to use all the toggles and explains everything to her in detail.)

Mum: *eagerly* “That’s amazing. Yes, I’m very interested in purchasing it. Could you please show me how to assemble a new one?”

Employee: *after a slight hesitation* “Ah… Of course, ma’am. One moment.”

(He grabs a box off the shelf, opens it, takes out all the pieces, and shows her how everything is put together. It’s clear he is expecting to make a big sale, and from the way he is using his best salesperson tactics, he probably also earns a commission.)

Mum: “Ah, I see, I see. Thank you so much!”

Employee: “No problem, ma’am.” *takes everything apart and packs it back into the box* “Shall I go ring it up?”

(My mum, who up until this point has been nothing short of enthusiastic, suddenly seems no longer interested in making a purchase.)

Mum: *waving her hand dismissively* “Oh… Oh, no, that’s fine. Maybe tomorrow.”

(I am almost as surprised by this sudden change in demeanor as the poor employee is; he cannot hide his shock.)

Employee: “But… ma’am, today is the last day of the sale.” *points to the sale sign which proves his word* “If you come back tomorrow, it’ll go back up to [amount]!” 

Mum: *smiling politely, but already heading out the door* “Oh, that’s fine. Some other time maybe.”

(I know that if my mum wants something, she can NEVER resist a sale, so I am utterly confused myself. I shoot the employee an apologetic smile and follow my mum out of the shop. We continue our way out of the shopping centre.)

Me: “What the h*** was that all about? Weren’t you interested in that vacuum cleaner? If you come back some other time, the price will go up, like that guy said. Why didn’t you buy it?”

Mum: *smirking* “Oh, I already have one.”

Me: “What?”

Mum: “That vacuum cleaner!” *practically giggling* “I just got one as a gift yesterday from a friend, but I didn’t know how to use it. I didn’t want to have to look at the instructions. Now I know!” *giggles some more* 

Me: *shocked* “But… he opened a new box for you and everything!”

Mum: “I know! I got a free demonstration!” *laughing her head off*

Me: *speechless*

(I always felt bad for that employee, who wasted at least twenty minutes of his time on my mum on the expectation that he was going to make a big sale. My mum never did see anything wrong with getting the poor man’s hopes up.)

The Mother Of All Bad Customers

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I’ve Ordered A Babysitter’s Club

, , , , , | Friendly | September 11, 2019

(I am eating in a fast food restaurant in the mall when a family comes down and sits at the table next to me. The dad strikes up a bit of small talk, along the lines of asking what I am reading, and then both of the parents wander off, I assume to order food for their kids. I finish up and head out, heading towards the bookstore. I’ve made it about halfway across the mall when the mother suddenly comes bustling out of the store.)

Mother: “Where are my kids?”

Me: “How the h*** should I know?”

Mother: “You were watching them!”

Me: *jaw-dropping at her audacity* “I’m not your f****** babysitter. I’m guessing they are back at [Restaurant], assuming they haven’t been kidnapped.”

(She looked at me, let out a short screech, and started hurrying back towards the restaurant, while I decided to just cut my losses and come back another day. Seriously, who the heck just expects a random stranger to watch their kids for them?)

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