Quite a few years ago, I was a bartender in a corporate-style cookie-cutter restaurant. I mostly worked nights but had one regular mid-shift on Fridays. We were always super busy at the bar for lunch on Fridays and usually had quite a few of the mall workers coming in to eat and then head back to work.

Nearly every Friday, the same smug, borderline rude lady came in for lunch. Every time, she paid with exact change — zero tip. Maybe half the time, she would complain over some minor inconvenience, and more than a few times, she got a comped meal. The more I had to wait on her, the more indignant and pissed I got.

Around Christmas time, I was out and about in the mall buying for family and friends. I picked out something nice for my girlfriend at the time — a sheer top that I thought would look amazing on her. It was decently priced with it being on sale, too.

Walking up to the cashier, I was a bit surprised to run into… [Rude Lady]. Whatever. In street clothes, I felt like she barely registered who I was, or maybe she really didn’t care who was at her register — maybe both. So, I handed her a $20 bill. She examined it for a moment, turned it over twice, and even held it up to the light. Then, out came the counterfeit pen marker. I was thinking, “A bit excessive, no?”

Change should have been around a dollar and change. Surprisingly, she handed out $81 plus change.

She called for the next customer in line, so I stepped to the side for a moment in contemplation. I could honestly feel the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other.

It took me a moment or two… but I finally let my moral compass win and stepped back in front of the register.

I nicely explained that a mistake had been made, but before I could continue, she shot me down and briskly told me in a semi-professional tone to GTFOH.

So… I did.

The way I look at it? All those lost tips and the money she had just gifted me were just Karma. Sucked to be her, I guess.

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I am working at an indoor food market in a mall. We are selling a selection of fancy European cheeses. A woman walks up and starts to browse.

Customer: “Why are these all so expensive?”

Me: “They’re all imported from Europe, so it costs a bit extra to keep them fresh on the journey. The one you’re holding is a special type of Gouda from The Netherlands.”

Customer: “Netherlands? Sounds like a made-up place!”

Me: “Haha, I know, right? Sounds like something out of a book.”

Customer: “I still don’t see what’s so special about this cheese.”

Me: “Well, it’s a special type that’s been made by the same cheesemakers using the same method for over five hundred years.”

Customer: “Don’t be ridiculous! There weren’t even people five hundred years ago, let alone cheese!”

Me: “Uh… I’m pretty sure people have been around for a bit longer than that.”

Customer: “America is only, like, two hundred years old.”

Me: “There were people before America.”

Customer: “Learn that in a public school, did ya? This is why I’m glad I was homeschooled and why I homeschool my kids!”

She puts the cheese down and wanders off. I look over at a stall owner next to me, who understands my shocked face.

Stall Owner: “Happens more often than you’d think, sadly. A lot of these older people who were homeschooled and didn’t have the Internet growing up have some… strange ideas. Thankfully, some of my kid’s friends who are homeschooled use the Internet to basically undo everything their parents are teaching them these days. That’s the one good thing I have to say about the Internet!”

To this day, that’s still the most “out there” moment I have had with a customer.

This story brought one of my own to mind.

I am the oldest of four children, and the only girl. My youngest brother is born when I am twelve. After he is a few months old, I learn to help my mother by giving him his bottle, changing his diaper, dressing him, and so forth. 

Sometimes, I watch my brother while my mom pops into a mall store for a few minutes. One day, I’m standing and daydreaming next to a store entrance as my year-old brother naps in the stroller beside me. A pair of older ladies approach me. Indicating the sleeping boy, one asks:

Lady: “Is he yours?” 

I’m a bit puzzled, but he’s my responsibility, so I say:

Me: “Yes.”

And the women walked off.

Much, much later, I realized that they thought I was a thirteen-year-old mother! And I had unwittingly confirmed their suspicions. The nosy old broads probably went away clucking their tongues about teen pregnancy and “babies having babies”.

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My friends and I are at the local shopping mall, walking around and what have you. As a jovial bunch of fellas, we’re moving throughout the mall at a pretty steady clip. When we come to an escalator to move down a floor, we start walking down it. There are a couple of people on the escalator that we squeeze past, offering a polite “Excuse me” as we go. My friends make it down to the floor without incident, and I move to follow them, attempting to move around an older woman and what I’m assuming are her two adult children, a man and a woman.

Me: “Excuse me—”

Suddenly, the woman violently thrusts her arm out to block my passage.

Woman: “DON’T YOU WALK IN FRONT OF ME, LITTLE BOY!”

For the record, I am a college sophomore, so I don’t know why she called me that.

Anyway, swiftly realizing I’m not getting past Guardian Grandma, I take a step back up the escalator and just wait. As we’re waiting, her daughter sneers at me.

Daughter: “He looks like a wimp, Momma! I bet I could beat him up, Momma! Want me to beat him up, Momma?”

The older woman said nothing but continued to fix me a steely gaze until we reached the bottom, after which, they all walked off without further hostilities.

I’ll concede that walking down the escalator is perhaps a bit rude, but that seems to me like a bit of an overreaction. Plus, my two friends passed by them without any comment, but I haven’t a clue why I wasn’t permitted passage into Guardian Grandma’s realm.

Customer: “I came by yesterday to pick up my glasses, and you were closed!”

Me: “Yes, we had to close due to an emergency yesterday.”

Customer: “Well, that’s very inconvenient! I drove all this way!”

Me: “Ma’am, there was a tornado warning yesterday, and it actually struck the other side of the mall.”

Customer: “Yes, that side of the mall is closed, which is also very inconvenient! You should let your customers know when you’re closing!”

Me: “Wait… You drove in yesterday during a storm, and a tornado warning?!”

Customer: “I needed my glasses!”

Me: “Clearly!” 

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