(I purchase my coffee at a popular chain where the uniform used to be a gold name tag, black trousers, a maroon shirt, and a black apron, with the store’s logo sewn on both. Coincidentally, I am wearing a collared maroon shirt. I line up, and the two women in front of me notice me.)

Woman: *smiling* “I would like a whole cake.”

Me: *forgetting I am wearing the bistro’s colours* “That’s nice!”

(As the queue quickly moves on and we are one person closer to the counter, the woman turns to me already armed with a glaring face for my lack of urgency in cake retrieval and gives me an “up-down” look.)

Woman: *slightly irritated* “We want a whole cake!”

Me: “You can order a whole, unsliced cake at the counter.” *points to counter*

(She turned back angrily and when it was her turn to order, she spoke louder than usual for her cake, giving me the evil eye. Only when I FINISHED ordering did she realise that I was a customer. The women ignored me in fear that the mere sight of me would turn them into stone, and before I could head to the same counter to collect my drink, they ran off! Sorry, but I like maroon and I don’t harass employees when they’re off duty!)

(I am a part-time waitress. Customers often claim that the fine print is too small when we can’t honor their requests, but they still accept that we can’t, though they don’t look happy. One day, one particular customer decides to challenge the fine print. Take note that today is a replacement holiday, where the day before is a public holiday that falls on a Sunday, thus making the next day a Monday a replacement public holiday.)

Customer: “I would like to use this coupon.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but this coupon cannot be used on weekends or a public holiday.”

Customer: “But today isn’t a public holiday.”

(In my mind I keep thinking, “Yeah, if it’s not, then why are you here instead of working?” but I try my best to maintain my composure.)

Me: “Today is a replacement public holiday, and based on our policy, we can’t accept any coupons on replacement, as well. I—”

Customer: “GET ME YOUR MANAGER, NOW!”

(I wordlessly nod and inform my manager. She goes and explains the same thing to the customer, but she gets really mad and starts screaming.)

Customer: “Why can’t I use it? Your fine print didn’t say I can’t use it on a replacement; today is just a replacement! You’d better honor this as I am in a rush to watch [Popular Kid’s Movie]! You’d better accept this, now!”

(I still don’t understand how these kinds of people can reproduce and act like this in front of their young children, their spouses saying nothing. Not to mention that to be able to dine in our restaurant, it means you are considered the wealthy ones. In the end, my manager had to honour the coupon after getting top management’s approval. That petty customer didn’t even tip anything after we bent the rules.)

(The vaccine for tuberculosis is called BCG and it’s given to newborn infants in many countries. It leaves a small scar that proves you have been vaccinated. In Malaysia, it is administered on the left shoulder. Up until the ’90s, kids used to get a booster shot in year six of primary school, around age 11 or 12. Since it’s reputed to be a rather painful jab, my entire class is already quite apprehensive when we’re lined up in front of the school nurse, and then this happens:)

Nurse: “Where’s your original BCG scar?”

Me: “It’s on my backside.”

Nurse: “What do you mean? How come you don’t have it on your shoulder?”

Me: “I was born in Singapore! In Singapore, they jab babies on the backside!”

Nurse: “I have to check.”

Me: “Can’t I just phone my parents and have them talk to you?”

(After arguing with her for a few minutes, I was so scared that I would have to lift my skirt and show the nurse my buttocks that when she finally gave in and just gave me the jab, the pain was actually a relief.)

(I work in retail at the back office so my job involves me having to attend phone calls from customers or suppliers every now and then. This is a story about one memorable customer.)

Me: “Hello, good afternoon. This is [Company]; how can I assist you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I would like to complain about not receiving your newsletter again.”

(In my company, we have two types of membership. Customers get to choose between membership A, where we send them physical copies of our newsletter, or membership B where the customers get to view the newsletter online — usually, faster than membership A. It’s normal for people from membership A to complain about not receiving their copies on time.)

Me: “I’m really sorry, ma’am. May I please have your membership number so I can look up your information?” *this is our standard procedure to check*

Customer: *ignores me but continues talking in a stern voice* “Do you know there was a [Brand] shoe sale last week? If your newsletter had arrived earlier then I would have known about it and taken advantage of the sale.” 

Me: “I’m so sorry you have missed the sale, ma’am, but if you could—”

Customer: “Do you know I have a back pain and must only wear [Brand] shoes? My entire family came down from [Rich Country] and if we would have known, we would have taken advantage of the sale and bought many pairs.”

Me: “Ma’am, again, I am very sorry you have missed the sale; perhaps you would like to visit us again soon? We are having the same sale next month.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. Why can’t your company deliver the newsletter on time? I could have taken advantage of the sale; this is very unprofessional.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m really sorry. Do allow me to check your details. Perhaps I can help to check again if the delivery details are correct? Just in case? So you won’t miss another sale.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t have a membership number. My daughter’s a member, not me.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Anyway, you guys are really unprofessional because I missed the sale for [Brand] shoe and now my back will hurt. You know what? I will submit a complaint to the Consumer Bureau so they know you guys are cheating.”

Me: *fed up* “Ma’am, if that’s the best choice you think you should proceed with, by all means.”

Customer: “You, how dare you?! I missed the sale because of your company’s late delivery, and you are doing nothing to compensate me? I need [Brand] shoes for my bad back. I’m a [title equivalent to Lady] and I know people from the Consumer Bureau! What’s your name?”

Me: “Ma’am, my name is [My Name] and if you wish to complain, by all means, please do so. I will notify my management that they have an unsatisfied customer complaint from the Consumer Bureau.”

Customer: “You just wait for someone to catch you guys. You guys are cheating!” *hangs up* 

(Ma’am, if you are a “Lady” of some honorable title, I would assume you have more class and dignity than to yell at some company staff for missing out on a sale and for slamming down a phone. And no, no one from the Consumer Bureau caught me or any of my colleagues.)

(This goes down on my family’s WhatsApp group while one of my sisters is heavily pregnant with her first child, and shortly after the last movie in a long-running franchise is released:)

Sister #1: “I started having regular contractions about half an hour ago, so we’re going to the hospital to check now.”

Sister #2: “Did you get to see Avengers beforehand?”

This story is part of our Sisters’ Day roundup!

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