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What A Heartless Joke!

, , , , , | Healthy | May 29, 2020

My friend’s dad is a lecturer at a medical school. He has a friend with a rare condition called situs inversus, meaning his internal organs are mirror images of the usual configuration. He likes to pull a prank on first-year students.

Lecturer: “Is it possible for a person to have their organs the wrong way around and still be alive and healthy?”

Students: “No, sir!”

At some point later he brings his friend in as a model patient and has a student try to find his heartbeat.

After muddling around with a stethoscope, one particularly confused student responded, “Sir, this man has no heart!”

Everything Is Edible, My Dear Children

, , , | Related | May 3, 2020

My sister works in Sabah. Most of her colleagues are local indigenous people from ethnic groups who were traditionally hunter-gatherers and subsistence farmers.

Colleague: “Some of my uncles from the village are coming to visit. I think I’ll take them to the zoo.”

The following Monday:

Sister: “How was your uncles’ visit?”

Colleague: “Well, when we saw the animals, they were like, ‘Ah, yes, I’ve killed that one before,’ and, ‘This one is delicious, and that one is delicious.’ I am never taking those guys to the zoo again!”

Let Them Eat Whole Cake And Their Words

, , , | Right | April 11, 2020

(I purchase my coffee at a popular chain where the uniform used to be a gold name tag, black trousers, a maroon shirt, and a black apron, with the store’s logo sewn on both. Coincidentally, I am wearing a collared maroon shirt. I line up, and the two women in front of me notice me.)

Woman: *smiling* “I would like a whole cake.”

Me: *forgetting I am wearing the bistro’s colours* “That’s nice!”

(As the queue quickly moves on and we are one person closer to the counter, the woman turns to me already armed with a glaring face for my lack of urgency in cake retrieval and gives me an “up-down” look.)

Woman: *slightly irritated* “We want a whole cake!”

Me: “You can order a whole, unsliced cake at the counter.” *points to counter*

(She turned back angrily and when it was her turn to order, she spoke louder than usual for her cake, giving me the evil eye. Only when I FINISHED ordering did she realise that I was a customer. The women ignored me in fear that the mere sight of me would turn them into stone, and before I could head to the same counter to collect my drink, they ran off! Sorry, but I like maroon and I don’t harass employees when they’re off duty!)

No Holiday From Entitlement

, , , , | Right | March 17, 2020

(I am a part-time waitress. Customers often claim that the fine print is too small when we can’t honor their requests, but they still accept that we can’t, though they don’t look happy. One day, one particular customer decides to challenge the fine print. Take note that today is a replacement holiday, where the day before is a public holiday that falls on a Sunday, thus making the next day a Monday a replacement public holiday.)

Customer: “I would like to use this coupon.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but this coupon cannot be used on weekends or a public holiday.”

Customer: “But today isn’t a public holiday.”

(In my mind I keep thinking, “Yeah, if it’s not, then why are you here instead of working?” but I try my best to maintain my composure.)

Me: “Today is a replacement public holiday, and based on our policy, we can’t accept any coupons on replacement, as well. I—”

Customer: “GET ME YOUR MANAGER, NOW!”

(I wordlessly nod and inform my manager. She goes and explains the same thing to the customer, but she gets really mad and starts screaming.)

Customer: “Why can’t I use it? Your fine print didn’t say I can’t use it on a replacement; today is just a replacement! You’d better honor this as I am in a rush to watch [Popular Kid’s Movie]! You’d better accept this, now!”

(I still don’t understand how these kinds of people can reproduce and act like this in front of their young children, their spouses saying nothing. Not to mention that to be able to dine in our restaurant, it means you are considered the wealthy ones. In the end, my manager had to honour the coupon after getting top management’s approval. That petty customer didn’t even tip anything after we bent the rules.)

Proving These Things Can Be A Real Pain In The Butt

, , , | Healthy | February 3, 2020

(The vaccine for tuberculosis is called BCG and it’s given to newborn infants in many countries. It leaves a small scar that proves you have been vaccinated. In Malaysia, it is administered on the left shoulder. Up until the ’90s, kids used to get a booster shot in year six of primary school, around age 11 or 12. Since it’s reputed to be a rather painful jab, my entire class is already quite apprehensive when we’re lined up in front of the school nurse, and then this happens:)

Nurse: “Where’s your original BCG scar?”

Me: “It’s on my backside.”

Nurse: “What do you mean? How come you don’t have it on your shoulder?”

Me: “I was born in Singapore! In Singapore, they jab babies on the backside!”

Nurse: “I have to check.”

Me: “Can’t I just phone my parents and have them talk to you?”

(After arguing with her for a few minutes, I was so scared that I would have to lift my skirt and show the nurse my buttocks that when she finally gave in and just gave me the jab, the pain was actually a relief.)