The Number One Reason For Complaint

, , , | Right | January 14, 2019

(I work as a customer service rep for an online cosmetics store. All issues with people who have accounts with us go through me, and usually, I’m quite good at taking care of them. However, there always has to be one exception…)

Me: “Hello, customer service!”

Customer: “I need to cancel my account and all pending orders, now!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. May I ask why?”

Customer: “I was just out walking my dogs, and saw a man pissing on one of your signs at the local bus stop!”

Me: “Uh… Okay, again, my apologies, ma’am.”

Customer: “I mean, clearly that shows he didn’t respect or trust your company, and if he can’t, then how can I be expected to?”

Me: “Uh… ma’am, I’m sorry but we don’t have any control over what folk do to our advertising space. We merely pay to make use of it.”

Customer: “So? What relevance does that have? If that man trusted your company he’d have found somewhere else to relieve himself!”

Me: “Forgive my saying this, ma’am, but could he possibly have been drunk?”

Customer: “It doesn’t matter! He was there, pants around his ankles, soaking your ad in his urine! Cancel my account and all my orders, and I’m telling all my friends that your company isn’t worth using!”

(In the end, I called my manager over, who conceded there was no convincing this woman and to cancel her account. It’s still the most bizarre complaint I’ve ever had to deal with.)

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The Wicked Witch Of The West Needs Some Foundation

, , , , , | Right | January 6, 2019

(I am a regular at a cosmetics store which prides itself on being environmentally friendly and safe to animals. It has a devoted consumer base, but occasionally one would read something online which challenged these ideals, and being totally naive, completely believe it. I am in the store being served when another regular comes in.)

Employee: “Hello, [Customer]! Nice to see you again. What can we do for you?”

Customer: “I want something a little tougher on my skin, as it has been more oily lately.”

(The employee offers for her to try a product and motions for her to stand next to a basin they use to demonstrate products. The woman does as instructed, but when the employee turns to actually get the product she submerges her entire head into the basin and lifts it out immediately after, screaming.)

Customer: “MY FACE, MY BEAUTIFUL FACE! YOU’VE BURNED ME WITH YOUR CHEMICALS! I CAN’T SEE! OH, MY FACE!”

(She staggers around the shop, swinging her arms around wildly. She collides with just about everyone and probably destroys about half the displays. She finally crumples in a heap, gasping, saying she’ll never see again between breaths. The shop manager comes out.)

Manager: “What’s happened?”

Employee: “I… I don’t know! She said she was burning!”

Manager: “What did she do?”

Me: “She stuck her head in one of the basins. Maybe there was something in it?”

Manager: “But I just filled them up before we opened.”

Employee: “And you’re the first two in. It should just be water!”

(The regular heard all of this, and at the word “water” she stopped screaming, looked around in a daze, stood up, and walked out as if nothing happened. They had to close early to tidy everything up. I went back in a month later and was told the had woman called customer services demanding a refund for a towel she had to buy after she left, to dry herself off.)

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Rude What I Say, Not As I Do

, , | Right | November 19, 2018

(I’m working at a well-known makeup store. It’s a Saturday so the store is busy. I have a line and I’m about to help the next guest when this happens.)

Me: “I can help the next guest.”

([Customer #1] is walking up to my register when [Customer #2] runs and cuts in front of her.)

Customer #2: “Excuse me, but could you—”

Me: *cutting her off* “I’m sorry, but this other customer was first. I’ll gladly help you if you get in line, please.”

Customer #2: *walks away and puts back her things, yelling* “I was just asking a question!”

(She then heads out the door but not before screaming:)

Customer #2: “YOU’RE RUDE!”

Customer #1: *laughing as she shakes her head* “She didn’t think cutting in front of everyone else was rude, though.”

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Not The Sharpest Pencil In The Pack

, , , | Right | August 8, 2018

(A friend working in a makeup store sees a customer walk in.)

Employee: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to return this eyeliner pencil.”

Employee: “Okay, was there anything wrong with it?”

Customer: “Yes, when I tried to sharpen it, it wouldn’t sharpen.”

(The employee stands there dumbstruck; the pencil is not retractable and should sharpen just fine. The manager walks by with an eyeliner sharpener and sharpens it no problem.)

Manager: “It seems okay to me.”

Customer: “Well, it clogged my sharpener when I tried.”

Employee: “What kind of sharpener do you use?”

Customer: “You know, the electric ones you get from [Office Supply Store].”

(After five minutes of them explaining to the customer why what she was doing was stupid, she bought a $2 makeup pencil sharpener and left. The employee and her manager started laughing.)

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Your Story Doesn’t (Lip)Stick Together

, , , , , | Right | January 14, 2018

(A customer comes in to return two items. She does not have a receipt or the boxes for either product. She looks like a hippie version of a Jersey Shore cast member.)

Me: “Without a receipt or the original boxes, we can only do an exchange or give you the money back on a merchandise credit.”

Customer: “Oh, no, that won’t work. I really need the money, and I can’t use these products on my face because my friend just started an organic skin care line. I only use organic products on my face now. Please, I just really need the money.”

(My manager is right next to me. I explain the situation and she tells her the same thing I did. She continues to ask if we can call someone else over. We call another manager over, who tells her the same thing.)

Customer: “Please, I need the money for my rent. Can I buy something with the merchandise credit and return it and get cash back?”

Manager: “No, we can only refund in the original form of payment.”

(She decides to take the merchandise credit, which is over $100. I ask for her email for our rewards program.)

Customer: “Oh, I don’t trust computers, except for Facebook!”

(I show her some products she’s interested in. She proceeds to apply a lipstick directly to her lips without it being cleaned off and disinfected. Thinking this would be a concern, since she only wants organic products, I tell her I can clean it off for her.)

Customer: “Oh, I don’t care!”

(When she checked out, she spent the whole merchandise credit, plus $30. I thought she “really needed the money.”)

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