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Tipped To Be Persistent

, | Right | May 3, 2015

(I work as a janitor.)

Me: *sweeping floors before finding a lady looking lost* “Do you need help finding something?”

Lady: “Oh, sure-gel for…” *looks at me holding a broom* “Oh, don’t mind me, sweetie. I’ll find it.”

Me: “For canning? You sure? I can take you to it.”

Lady: “But you’re sweeping. I don’t want to interrupt.”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s on the other side of the store. Let me show you.”

Lady: “All right…”

(Cue criss-crossing the store as I help her find several hard to locate items.)

Lady: “I think that’s it. You’ve been so helpful. Here…” *tries to hand me a $5 bill*

Me: *holds my hands up palm forward* “No can do, ma’am. Can’t accept tips.”

Lady: “Nonsense, you’ve helped me more than anyone who’s actually supposed to!”

(She tries to dive to my pockets to slide money in.)

Me: *slams hands on top of the pockets before she gets there, backpedalling* “Nope! You have a nice day!”

(Thirty minutes later I’m collecting trash from the bins. The lady is trying to sneak up on me, hand reaching for my pocket with money in it. I barely spot her in time, turning and stuffing my hands in my pocket.)

Me: “Still no can do. I appreciate the offer, though.”

Lady: “Oh, shut up.” *smiling, she grabs my collar, pulls my shirt open and stuffs the bill down the front of my shirt*

Lady: “Tell your bosses where they can shove that tip if they don’t like it!”

Me: *stunned silence*

(Upon telling my boss, he laughs and shrugs.)

Boss: “You can either donate it to CMN, or forget you told me about it. Wasn’t anything you could do about it.”

Battle Of The Sexists

| Right | May 8, 2013

(I am a male part time cleaner at my local leisure centre. One of my duties is to clean the toilets in reception. It is currently busy in reception, so I ensure that the female toilet is empty before putting up a sign warning customers that cleaning is in progress. As I leave the toilet with my arms full with mops, bleach, and disinfectant etc, a female customer is standing outside the door waiting.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; I didn’t realise you were waiting.”

Customer: “What were you doing in there?”

(I gesture to my arms that are full with cleaning products.)

Me: “Just cleaning the area for you.”

Customer: “But those are the female toilets!”

Me: “I am aware of that, but it is part of my job to ensure all toilets are clean.”

Customer: “But you aren’t a woman; you shouldn’t be in there!”

Me: “There are no female cleaners on duty. I am the only cleaner here today, and the toilets need to be cleaned.”

Customer: “Well that is unacceptable! Where is your manager? I am making a complaint!”

(My manager is already in the reception area, so makes her way over.)

Manager: “What is the problem?”

Customer: “This man was in the female toilets.”

Manager: “Well, the area does need to be cleaned regularly, and he is our cleaner.”

Customer: “I don’t give a d*** what his job is! He should not be in the women’s toilets.”

Manager: “So, your complaint is that we have a male employee in the women’s toilets?”

Customer: “D*** right it is!”

Manager: “Would you rather the toilets were not cleaned?”

Customer: “No, that would be stupid! Just get a woman cleaner!”

Manager: “Then who would clean the male toilets?”

Customer: “She can! But this pervert should be fired for going into the women’s toilets.”

Manager: “But, wouldn’t that make her just as bad as him?”

Customer: “Oh, you are just being awkward now! P*** off and leave me alone!”

Dripocalypse Now

, , , , | Right | October 5, 2009

(I work at a commercial property development/management company. I get this call from a new tenant’s office.)

Me: “Good afternoon, [Company].”

Tenant: “This is going to sound crazy, but I think Armageddon might have just started in the break room.”

Me: “Okay, why do you say that?”

Tenant: “I turned on the tap, and blood came out of the faucet. So, it’s either the end of the world, or turkey blood.”

Me: “Turkey blood?”

Tenant: “We just washed out a turkey in the sink; maybe the blood got sucked back into the pipes. I don’t think we should drink the water.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s pretty alarming. I’ve never heard of that happening, but I will get you a plumber out there ASAP.”

Tenant: “Great, thanks. Everyone thinks I’m crazy, but I swear, blood came out!”

Me: “I will take care of this, don’t worry.”

(I hang up and call a plumber. While I’m waiting for the plumber to call back with a time, the tenant phones every ten minutes and is getting increasingly hysterical. I finally get a time for the plumber and call the tenant.)

Me: “A plumber should be out there within the hour.”

Tenant: “Oh. Well. Um.”

Me: “Yes?”

Tenant: “False alarm… It wasn’t Armageddon; it was Crystal Light. The powder was stuck on the tap! Everybody here’s laughing! This is only my second day of this job. I’m never going to live this down!”