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Ends With A Degree Of Sass

, , , | Right | June 17, 2020

I work at a tire store in sales. I get an angry phone call from the father of a young lady who purchased tires for her vehicle earlier today.

Father: “My daughter was in today and was charged more for her tires than she was told over the phone.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I can look that up for you. What is her name?”

Father: “Her name is [Daughter].”

Me: “Okay, I was her salesman. It looks like she bought four tires, with an alignment, and she purchased the free replacement warranty.”

Father: “Yeah, it shows here on her receipt that you charged her $40 for this free replacement warranty.”

Me: “Yes, sir. That’s $10 per tire for a total of $40.”

Father: “But, it’s supposed to be free.”

Me: “Oh, I see, you thought the warranty was free. The warranty costs $10 dollars per tire, but if the tire is ever damaged beyond repair, it will be replaced for free.”

Father: “This is bull. False advertising! Your ad says the warranty is free!”

Me: “Sir, have you ever purchased an appliance and purchased an extended warranty to go with it? Did you get the warranty for free?”

Father: “No, but this is different. This is for tires. It makes no sense why you would charge $10 for a tire warranty.”

Me: “Well, if she never needs it, great, but if a tire blows out or something, she’ll get the tire that originally cost over $100 for nothing.” 

Father: “I have two Master’s degrees and I can’t make sense of this. It makes no sense!”

Me: “Maybe you should request a refund.”

Father: “You mean, I can get my money back for the warranty?”

Me: “Oh, yes. If you want to leave your daughter’s investment unprotected, you can certainly do that. What I meant, though, is that you should get a refund on those degrees. I’m just a high school graduate, and our warranty makes perfect sense to me.”

I hung up. He never came in for his refund.

The Employee Bombed This Order

, , , | Working | May 31, 2020

This story takes place at a popular nationwide sub shop. My mom is out dropping my brother off at some event and is driving back, and she decides to stop at this sub shop to get herself and me something.

She explains her order first and the employee gets it correct. Then, she gets to my order, which happens to be a sub that has a good amount of meat on it.

After my mom explains my order, the employee gets confused and asks my mom to repeat it, which she does, only to then add on to the end of the order that the sub is “like a meat bomb.” This confuses the poor employee even further, who then starts to reach for the meatballs.

My mom quickly stops the employee and explains the order again, more slowly this time, and he finally gets it and makes the order. The sandwiches are then moved to the next employee to finish them. My mom then hears the other employee ask the customer behind her what he wants.

Customer: “I’m not sure what exactly it was, but I’ll have what she’s having!”

For those of you who wonder what the sandwich was, here is the order: toasted Italian herb and cheese bread, pepperoni, salami, bacon, steak, American cheese, lettuce, pickles, and cucumbers. Behold, the Meat Bomb!

The Cold Truth Is Yours Can’t Be

, , , , , | Right | May 18, 2020

At our restaurant in the amusement park where I work, there are glass-doored refrigerators that hold cold drinks for our guests to buy. I’m working as the cashier and two teenage boys run in with large plastic water bottles.

Boy: “Can I put these water bottles in the coolers for a bit while we go on rides?”

I blink a couple of times, processing what I just heard.

Me: “Umm… no, sorry. The coolers are for keeping our merchandise cold for our customers.”

Boy: “Don’t you have a marker or something? I can write ‘Not for Sale’ on them.”

Me: “I still can’t do that; customers accidentally buying your drinks isn’t the problem. We can’t hold personal drinks in them for safety reasons.”

Boy: “Come on! We just want our water to be cold.”

Me: “Well, I can give you ice for 25 cents.”

Boy: “Are you kidding me? I don’t have that much!”

And with that, they run out of the restaurant with their warm water. I walk back to see my coworkers.

Me: “Did that really just happen?”

Manager: “I think it just did. At least you handled it well!”

Someone Obviously Never Calls Mom

, , , , , | Right | April 23, 2020

Most retailers have a policy that returns should have a receipt, and they have “loyalty cards” that link to purchases made and specific time limits for returns. I work for a retailer that does this. Two teen boys come to the counter.

Male Teen #1: “I’d like to return these items. My mom bought the wrong thing.”

He shows me two containers of very expensive acne remedy. They cost $15.00 each. They’re out of their original box — if they had one — and don’t appear to be something we carry now. I certainly don’t remember selling it recently. I start the return process.

Me: “Do you have a receipt?”

Male Teen #1: “No.”  

Me: “Do you have your Mom’s loyalty card?”

Male Teen #1: “No”. 

Male Teen #2: “But I have a card!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we must have the original card it was purchased with.”  

I turn to [Male Teen #1].

Me: “What’s your mom’s phone number?”

Male Teen #1: “I don’t know.”

I void the transaction. This is a trigger for more investigation. I call my manager to approve the void. There’s no way I can process this one.

Me: “This young man would like to return these items, but he has no receipt and no card and he doesn’t know his mother’s phone number.” 

The boys step back from the counter, and the manager goes off with the products in hand. After a few minutes, he comes back. He’s done some research.

Manager: “I’m sorry, but we haven’t sold any of this product in over three months.”

Somehow, the boys didn’t seem surprised. They left without so much as a protest and without any money. Next time, know your own mother’s phone number!

I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butternut

, , , | Right | April 5, 2020

(I notice that one of the donut labels in the case has been put in the wrong place, labeling “chocolate coconut” as “chocolate butternut,” instead. The actual chocolate butternut donuts have no label. I mean to fix it but forget. However, there is a clear distinction between the chocolate coconut donuts which are covered in white coconut and the chocolate butternut ones which are covered in yellow butternut.

A female customer in her 40s comes up to the front.)

Me: “Hi there! What can I get for you?”

Customer: “Hi, I’ll get a medium iced coffee and… a chocolate butternut donut.”

(I begin to grab a chocolate butternut from the non-labeled slot but the woman stops me.)

Customer: “No, no, not that one. The chocolate butternut.”

Me: *confused momentarily* “Oh! You mean the chocolate coconut? Sorry, someone mislabeled this earlier and I just forgot to fix it.”

Customer: “Oh! That’s chocolate coconut?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Coconut’s white?”

(I sputtered for a few seconds before handing the woman her donut and cashing her out.)