(I work in a chocolatier shop. We’ve opened at midnight for our Black Friday sale. My job is to greet shoppers as they come in and offer everyone a sample. By 4:00 am, I’m exhausted from the rush. A customer comes in. He is red-faced and wearing a shirt several sizes too small.)

Customer: “Hey. You know what? I’ve always thought you guys should sell chocolate belly buttons!”

Me: “Um… I’m sorry?”

Customer: “You should sell chocolate belly buttons!”

(The customer takes a sample and then leaves. I turn to my manager.)

Me: “What was that?”

Manager: “Oh, he was definitely high. Welcome to Black Friday sales!”

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(My friend and I are at a local market picking up chicken for her graduation party. While we’re waiting to pay, the phone rings and the cashier has to answer.)

Cashier: “Good afternoon… I’m afraid we are sold out of clams right now… Well, we get a shipment in tomorrow afternoon… Tomorrow afternoon… No, we are sold out right now… Yes, we get some tomorrow afternoon… Around one pm or so… Uhm, we’ll have them until they’re sold out… No, we are sold out right now… Why? It’s been very busy with the warm weather.” *sighs* “Tomorrow afternoon… Well, I’m really sorry that we don’t have any right now, but we’ve sold out. Okay, there’s a seafood store in town. Bye.”

(The cashier hangs up and looks annoyed.)

Cashier: “Sorry… just the chicken?”

Friend: *jokingly* “Yes, but do you have clams?”

Cashier: “Get out.”

Friend: “But whhhyyy! I want some noooooooowww!”

Cashier: “Well, you’re gonna have to wait. Sucks to be you!”

Friend: “You wanted to say that to the person on the phone didn’t you?”

Cashier: “You have no idea.”

(A couple comes in and races up to the sandwich unit.)

Woman: “Hi, we only need one sandwich for our kid. I’m gonna make it quick, I promise. He wants a six inch white—”

Man: “No, he doesn’t. He wants flatbread.”

Woman: “No, he wants white!”

Man: “Flatbread!”

Woman: “Shut up, I know what he wants!”

Man: “No, you don’t! He won’t eat white bread!”

Woman: *sighs* “Is there any way I can get the sandwich on a flatbread, but put white bread on the side? I know I’m right, and he hates flatbreads.”

Me: “Yes, of course. It’s just costs a bit extra.”

Woman: “Okay, so turkey and cheddar cheese.”

Man: *shakes his head* “He likes American.”

Woman: “No, he doesn’t!”

Man: “Yes, he does!”

Woman: “Shut up! You’re confusing people!”

Me: “Would you like me to put some American on the side?”

Woman: “No! He HATES American, so there’s no point. Besides, he wants it toasted.”

Man: “Finally! Something right!”

Woman: “Right, so toasted with olives and mustard, and that’s it.”

Man: “He wants lettuce, too.”

Woman: “Fine, s***! Put lettuce on there and when he won’t eat it. Whatever!”

Me: “…Anything else?”

Woman: “No. HE’S probably confusing you already.”

Man: “YOU’RE the confusing one.”

(I ring them up and they calm down as they get ready to leave.)

Woman: “Thanks, sorry about that. We didn’t mean to confuse you!”

(I am working the first window of the drive-thru taking people’s money. Our store has a policy that if you don’t get a receipt or if you are not offered a receipt, then your order is free. A man comes up to my window and shoves a wad of bills and change into my hand and immediately drives off to the next window. I don’t think much of it, because the guy had exact change. A short time later, my manager comes up to me.)

Manager: “A customer is insisting on getting their food for free. He says that you didn’t give him his receipt nor ask him if he wanted one.”

(I explain to my manager what happened, and then go and talk to the customer.)

Me: “Sir, you didn’t give me a chance to offer you a receipt or to complete the transaction. As soon as you gave me your money, you sped off.”

Customer: “That’s NOT what the sign says! It’s not my fault you’re slow! I was not given a receipt, correct? You did not ask me if I wanted a receipt, correct? Therefore, I get my food for free!”

(My manager decides not to argue with the man and refunds his money. A few days later, a man places an order and I am pretty sure it is the same customer. Sure enough, I immediately recognize him when he pulls up to my window. Again, he shoves a wad of bills and change at me. However, I don’t reach out to take it just yet.)

Me: “Good evening, sir! Would you like your receipt today?”

Customer: “D*** it! You recognized me, didn’t you?”

(I’m with my parents at a large chain hardware store. I’ve wandered off to the garden section and am minding my own business while looking at some potted plants.)

Customer: “Excuse me! How much are the potted plants out front?”

Employee: “I’ll help you out in just one second, okay? I have to unload this pallet right away, but I’ll be right with you.”

Customer: “You’re useless!” *comes up to me* “Excuse me! How much are the potted plants?”

Me: *looks around* “…Me? Oh, I don’t work here. I do believe that man told you he’d be right with you, though.”

Customer: “You work here, I know you do. Don’t lie! You just want to be lazy.”

Me: “No… I don’t work here. Sorry.”

Customer: “You just want to be lazy!” *stomps over to the registers* “Excuse me, but your employees are being lazy and won’t tell me how much the potted plants are.”

Employee #2: “Ma’am, I heard my coworker tell you he’d be right with you, and that girl doesn’t work here.”

Customer: “Sure, she doesn’t! She just wants to be lazy. HOW MUCH ARE THE D*** PLANTS?!”

Employee #2: “Well, which ones?”

Customer: “THE POTTED PLANTS!”

Employee #2: “Ma’am, we have many potted plants here—”

Customer: “THE D*** ONES UP FRONT!”

Employee #2: “Ma’am, there’s a rather large neon yellow sign in front of the rack they’re on. The price is on there.”

Customer: “Well, why didn’t someone say so?!”

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