Sprinkling In Some Bipolarity

, , , , | Right | March 7, 2019

(I work in a donut shop.)

Me: “Hi. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Can I have a Boston cream?”

Me: “Sure! Sprinkles or no sprinkles?”

Customer: “DO I LOOK LIKE A F****** CHILD!?”

Me: “…”


Me: “Um… I’m just doing my job; I have to ask.”


Me: “Okay.” *silently hands them their donut without sprinkles*

(Sadly, this is not the worst conversation I’ve had with a customer this week.)

Slow To Realize

, , , , | Right | March 6, 2019

(I have mild arthritis in my left leg, so I walk slowly. I am bringing out some shoe boxes for a customer, and the rows are quite narrow, so a different customer is stuck walking behind me.)

Customer: *under his breath* “Man, can you walk any slower?”

Me: “Actually, I can! I have arthritis, buddy. It is painful for me to even walk!”

(The customer looks admonished and turns bright red.)

Me: “Don’t judge people by their cover!”

(The customer apologized. He ended up buying around $200 worth of shoes and told the cashier I helped him so I would get a commission.)

Adding Some Humanity To Google

, , , | Right | March 3, 2019

(I’m working at the reference desk at the library when the phone rings.)

Woman: “Can you look up [Town thirty miles away] and tell me what it says?”

Me: “Okay… and what information are you looking for ‘it’ to tell you?”

Woman: “Just, like, where it is and what [Town] people are like. What does Google say?”

Me: “You want to know what the people are like? I’m not sure that’s the kind of thing Google can tell me.”

Woman: “Well, there’s a Camaro for sale there, and I just want to know if the people in [Town] are trustworthy, or if it’s a backwater with trashy people.”

Me: “I’m not sure that’s the kind of thing Google can tell me.”

Woman: “So, you’re not going to help me?”

Me: “I can tell you the population of [Town] and where’s it’s located… but that’s about all I can help you with regarding the backwateriness of that town.”

(I ended up telling her the populations of several towns around the state at her request, apparently at random, before she was satisfied enough to hang up on me.)

Retail Has Its Highs And Lows

, , , , , | Right | February 27, 2019

We just had a library patron come in specifically to thank us for helping her print her resume last week. She got the job!

Immediately afterward, another patron came up to tell us that they’d accidentally puked in the drinking fountain.

A Five-Dollar Hole

, , , , | Right | February 23, 2019

(We are extremely busy and a teenager comes up to the cash with a stuffed animal. It’s $16.99 and she hands me $12.00.)

Me: “Okay, I need about $5.”

Girl: “Oh, I don’t have enough. Can you just make an exception?”

Me: “Uh, no, sorry. Can you just move over so I can help the next person?”

Girl: “Really? You can’t make an exception?”

Me: “I’m not having a variance in my till for this. I don’t even know you.”

(The girl rolls her eyes and walks away. She comes back later with the right amount and she ends up with me as a cashier again.)

Girl: *as she hands me money* “Like really? You can’t just fake $5?”

Me: “Yes! The company will think I’m stealing. I’m not putting my job on the line for $5, for a girl I don’t even know.”

Girl: “I hope you die in a hole.”

(She storms away with her change and stuffed animal, and a new coworker gives me a look.)

New Coworker: “Wow. All that for a stuffed animal?”

Me: “Not the worst thing I’ve ever been told by a customer. Welcome to retail.”

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