(I work in the kitchen of a tourist town restaurant. In the summer, buses of 50 or so senior citizens come from all over to eat and enjoy the view. We know about their arrival well beforehand and we have a prepared menu for them, which includes salad, their choice of steak or fish entree, and a dessert. Since it is summer, the restaurant is full already and the kitchen staff are a little stressed. Having the seniors’ food prepped and ready to go makes the whole process easier. A waitress comes down with six steak dinners on a serving tray. The kitchen is very busy, so she shouts to get noticed.)

Waitress: “Hey, boss, I have six orders of steak for the senior bus that need to be fish, instead.”

(The boss, who is also the head chef, slams something on the counter and yells back at her.)

Boss: “What the h***?! They get what they pre-ordered! We don’t have time to remake orders for them for no good reason!”

(The waitress, who is also pretty frazzled, slams down the tray.)

Waitress: “You want a good reason? I’ll give you a good reason! These poor old people forgot their d*** teeth and can’t eat their d*** steak! Now can I get six fish dishes, please?!”

(I have never heard a place go so quiet so quickly in all my life. Props to my boss, though, for saying, “Now that’s a d*** good reason,” and making them the fish.)

Customer: “I’d like to find out information about upgrading my membership.”

Me: “Okay, if you were to upgrade it would be $100 instead of $70, and the coverage would be an extra 100 miles of service.”

Customer: “Can you print that out for me instead of just telling me?”

Me: “Sure!” *prints information out and hands to member* “There you go.”

Customer: “Can you read it to me? I can’t read.”

(I’m working at the reference desk at a public library, and I answer the phone.)

Patron: “Hello there. My family just moved to Maine, and I wanted to plant some flowering bushes at our house. Do you have any books about what kinds of flowering shrubs will grow well in Maine?”

Me: *running some searches in our online database* “I see we’ve got a book on native trees and shrubs in Maine, a bunch of books about general gardening in New England… another on trees that grow well in New England… but nothing specifically about flowering bushes in Maine.”

Patron: “Yeah, I was really hoping for a book specifically on bushes that would do okay growing in Maine. I don’t want to plant anything that’s not going to make it through the winter.”

Me: “Well, we can request a book from another library, or what about if you just went down to [local Gardening Center and Nursery] to see what they’ve got in stock? I know they’ve at least got rhododendrons, azaleas, and all kinds of rose bushes, since I was just there this weekend.”

Patron: “Oh, do you think they’d know which ones would grow well here?”

Me: “Well, I’m sure they could be very helpful, and they do grow all of the trees and shrubs right there on site until they’re big enough to sell, which takes years. So, I guess it would probably be safe to assume that anything they’re selling would do fine in this climate.”

Patron: “Oh. I could have probably just used my brain and done that instead of wasting your time, huh?”

(Every year my family goes on a camping trip. The place where we camp is not too far from an arcade, so on days where we don’t have much planned, my brothers and I go over to play some of their games. One year, I bring my friend along for the trip. The arcade uses a prepaid card, which you fill with money to use on the various games. When you win, virtual tickets are loaded onto your card. We both fill a card and choose which game to play. Immediately, [Friend] chooses a two-player, and I agree. We rush over to play.)

Friend: “This one looks fun! Look, if you get the high score you win bonus tickets!”

Me: “Sweet! Let’s try! I’ll sit…”

(Before I sit down, my friend slides his card on both sides, paying for both of us and basically guaranteeing that all winnings go to his card.)

Me: “Oh… Well, I could’ve paid.”

Friend: “Don’t worry about it. Come on! Let’s play!”

(We both sit, and I wind up forgetting about the whole paying deal. After a few minutes of playing, I realize I got the high score, winning the jackpot. Unfortunately, I remember that the tickets go to my friend’s card. I shrug it off.)

Me: “Let’s go to the prize counter and see what we can get!”

Friend: “Why would you go over there? I got the tickets.”

Me: “What? I won them, though. You paid for both of us, but I’m the one who won the jackpot.”

Friend: “Well, it’s on my card… Whatever. Let’s go.”

Me: “Can I at least pick something out? Those tickets are for me. I won them.”

Friend: “I’ll think about it.”

(We get up to the prize counter, where there are many interesting prizes with varying ticket prices. My friend chooses a skateboard that costs 510 tickets. That’s about the amount that we won.)

Friend: “I want the skateboard!”

Me: “But that’ll use all the tickets. I should choose something; I won the jackpot.”

Friend: *groans* “They’re my tickets! I’ll pick something out for you!”

(I sighed, realizing I most likely wouldn’t win the battle. He wound up getting a slightly cheaper skateboard on the wall. He handed me the prize he chose for me: a piece of candy valuing about ten tickets. He smiled at me and walked away, leaving me at the prize counter, stunned.)

(I work at the reference desk at a public library. A man rushes over to the desk holding a piece of paper.)

Man: “I used to be in the Navy, and I need to send them a fax right away!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t have a public fax machine. The package store on [Main Street] has one that you can pay to use.”

Man: *waving dismissively at me* “No, no, I know how to use the fax.”

(He goes over to our public photocopier, opens the top, and places his paper inside. He presses the green “copy” button, and the machine makes the beeping sound that indicates an error detecting the copy size. He then removes his paper with a flourish and comes back to me.)

Man: “There! The Navy should receive that in a few days! I used to work for the Navy!”