(A guest hands me a ticket for a movie that doesn’t start for another hour.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. We’re not ready to let people in for this show yet.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “There are still people in the auditorium watching the last showing of this movie.”

Customer: *stare* “I don’t get it.”

Me: “We need to wait for the people to leave. Then, we will clean the theater, and then you can go in.”

Customer: “You mean I’ll be sitting in a seat someone just sat in?!”

Me: “Most likely, yes.”

Customer: “That’s unsanitary!”

Me: “That’s how movie theaters work, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well, if my seat is warm, I want a refund!”

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(My company provides web design and hosting. A new customer, who’s just been sent his e-mail settings and password to his private account, calls.)

Customer: “I followed the instructions on setting up my e-mail, but my mail client keeps giving an error.”

Me: “Okay, what’s the error?”

Customer: “It says ‘error logging into remote server’.”

Me: “Right. You’re sure you entered the correct credentials from the mail we sent you?”

(The customer affirms that, so I logon to the mail server to examine the logs.)

Me: “Okay, I’m looking at the logs right now. Can you try to login again, so I can see what the exact error message is the server is giving?”

(Over the next ten minutes or so I try a few other things.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’m running out of options. Just to be sure, could you literally copy and paste your password into the password field? Every so often people mistake a zero for an ‘O’ or such.”

Customer: “That’s not necessary. I always use the same password for all my email accounts. I think I know it pretty well.” *chuckles confidently*

Me: “Sir, how would we know your preferred password? You’ll need to enter the one in the account mail we sent you.”

Customer: “Ah, I had been wondering what that funny word was.”

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Me: “911, what’s your emergency?”

Caller: “I need help! Hurry, hurry!” *hangs up*

(I try to call back but get no answer. Two officers are sent. This is what I am told happened: The officers are met at the door by the caller.)

Caller: “In the bathroom. Hurry! Hurry!”

(The officers go to the bathroom, but don’t see anything wrong.)

Officer: “What happened? Why do you need the police?”

Caller: “My toilet is plugged up. I need you to fix it.”

Officer: “We don’t fix toilets. You need a plumber. 911 is for emergencies only.”

Caller: “This is an emergency. I need to use the toilet now!”

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(A customer had trouble remembering his password for his email address.)

Me: “Sir, if you can just go to Google and type in [address], it will take you to the website to reset your password.”

*Long silence.*

Me: “Are you on the website, sir?”

Caller: “I think my nephew has been on here and deleted Google from the internet.”

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Swimmer: “Could you please close the doors? There’s a draft coming into the pool.”

Me: “Sure.”

(After closing the pool, a customer watching her child swim calls me over.)

Mother: “Could you please leave the doors open? I’m claustrophobic.”

Me: “Of course!”

(After opening the doors again, the swimmer talks to me.)

Swimmer: “Why are the doors open?”

Me: “A customer here is claustrophobic, and asked me to leave the doors open.”

Swimmer: *yelling angrily* “What’s more important, her claustrophobia, or my comfort?”

This story is part of the Entitled Customers roundup!

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