A few years back, I’m swimming with my three-year-old son. We had the pool to ourselves apart from one other lady.

The pool is L-shaped, split into the main bit with lanes, and a square bit that was notionally the kids’ pool, but only because it’s shallower.

My son was learning to swim without armbands, and so we were in the wide lane, while the lady was swimming in the narrow lane, labelled Adults Only.

After one length of my son swimming a whole length with me encouraging him, she says:

Lady: “You can’t swim here; this is adults only.”

Bull-s*** lady, you’re in the adults-only bit. Except, I can’t say that in front of my very eloquent three-year-old.

Me: “It’s just your lane that’s adults only, look, there’s the sign. My son is learning to swim lengths.”

She starts ranting at me about how she pays her membership fees (so do I, funnily enough) and I’m wrong (check the sign) and basically having a tantrum.

Lady, I’m Mum to a three-year-old. I can handle this behaviour, and I’m gonna speak to you exactly as I would to my child, probably in the same tone of voice, because I’m in Mummy mode, and my son is listening.

Me: “I can see you’re upset about this, but I’m very sorry, we are allowed to swim here.”

She rants a bit more, and I very calmly gentle parent her, until she eventually sputters and tells me:

Lady: “Shut up!”

And flounces off.

Son: “Mummy! She just told you to shut up! That’s so rude!”

I made no effort to speak quietly and said:

Me: “Yes, it really was. She was cross because she couldn’t get her own way. But you’re right, it’s very rude to say that to someone.”

We then proceeded to swim a good few more lengths, and I very vocally and cheerfully encouraged him the whole time.

Went to the front desk after to double-check I was right (I was). Apparently, she’d also been to complain and been told to suck it up.

I take a customer call when we open, around 9 AM.

Caller: “Your store is closed, and you need to come and open it!”

Me: “Ma’am, the store is open.”

Caller: “I’m standing outside right now, and it’s closed with the lights off!”

Me: “Where is the store?”

Caller: “[College Campus]!”

Me: “West Virginia? You’re calling a store in Maryland.”

Caller: “Well, they weren’t picking up, so I called the first number I could find on Google!”

Me: “That branch is a college store, and they’re closed because it’s spring break.”

Caller: “So you’re gonna come over here and open the store for me!”

She said it as a demand, not a question.

Me: “No, ma’am. That store will reopen when the college does.”

Caller: “But I need a book now! You need to come and open the store!”

Me: “I’m a four-hour drive away.”

Caller: “Fine, I can wait until after lunch.”

Me: “Ma’am… I feel you’re misunderstanding why I’m telling you how far away I am. I will not be driving four hours to help you get a book, only to drive four hours back. There are other bookstores in your town. Go to one of those.”

Caller: “They’re all the way across town!”

Me: “And you’re asking me to drive across two states.”

Caller: “Ugh, you lazy b****!” *Click.*

At my hotel chain, higher status guests are eligible for comped upgrades IF it’s available.

Guest: “I want an upgrade tomorrow.”

He’s here about eight nights.

Me: “Unfortunately, an upgrade is not available for the whole duration, as we are sold out on Saturday.”

Guest: “Give me the upgrade until Saturday, and then I’ll switch back over.”

We switched him over. Fast forward to Saturday, and no issues. On Sunday, around 5 pm, he comes down:

Guest: “I want to switch to the upgrade again for the rest of my stay.”

At this point, he is staying for four more nights, and on the last night, it is not available.

Me: “Unfortunately, we aren’t able to do that.”

He throws a mini tantrum and storms away.

Not even two minutes later, he uses the hotel chain’s app to text us. He went on about how he was told he could switch. I replied:

Me: “We apologize if there was miscommunication, but we are not able to accommodate the request.”

Guest: “Well, what are you going to do to make this right?”

Um… Nothing?! It would have been a COURTESY upgrade.

Me: “I will talk to my front desk about how we could have communicated better.”

Guest: “Well, I’ll just go where communication is honored.”

Okay, bye?!

I went in and upgraded everyone I could, so now the suites aren’t available for any of the remaining nights that he’s here.

The fire alarm has gone off in the store, so I am telling the customers in my vicinity to please exit. One of them is lingering.

Me: “Ma’am, please leave by the nearest exit.”

Customer: “These candles are two for $5, yes?”

Me: “Ma’am, we all need to leave right now. You can buy the candles if there’s no fire.”

Customer: “Just tell me if they’re two for $5!”

I’m about to ask her to leave again when my manager gets between us and starts ushering me toward the exit.

Manager: “You don’t ask them a third time to leave. If they don’t listen, you leave them to their fate. Any wage is not enough to die for stupid people, but minimum wage especially.”

Customer: “Did you call me stupid?!”

Manager: *As we’re walking out of the store.* “You’re choosing to risk a fiery death over, ironically, candles. Your actions are calling you stupid.”

We walked out of the store. The customer, maybe out of some sense of pride, stayed inside for a full minute before realizing she was the only one in the store, and finally stepped out.

It was a false alarm, and we were back to serving customers again within half an hour, but this woman was nowhere to be seen. I hope she was so embarrassed she decided to leave.

About 3 AM on Monday morning, the store I work at was robbed. No one was there, so they smashed the glass door with a rock and climbed through it. They stole all of our cigarettes, tobacco, vapes, and scratchcards.

In the morning, my manager told me to show up to my shift as usual, so I got there at 8:30 AM, and the police were parked outside, there’s broken glass everywhere; just looking into the shop, you could see the mess. The scene was cordoned off with police tape.

While my manager and I were standing there waiting for CSI to arrive, in the space of about forty minutes:

• A man shouted at the police for not being parked in a designated parking space.
• Another man shouted and swore at the police for not allowing access to half of the pavement (it was covered in broken glass and crime scene evidence)

 About ten customers walked up to me and said:

Customer: “Are you opening soon?”

Or:

Customer: “Am I allowed to go inside and buy something?”

Does it look like you are allowed to go inside and buy something? Sure, we’re opening very soon, just try not to step on the broken glass, signs on the floor, products all over the floor… and don’t touch anything or your fingerprints will be all over it!

I even had to tell one woman who wanted a birthday card to go elsewhere because she wanted to wait for CSI to arrive, finish investigating, board up the door, and then for us to clean the entire store (which ended up taking until about 3 PM).

For a birthday card!

Customer: “I’ll wait, it’s okay, I’ve got all day.”

THERE ARE OTHER CARD SHOPS, LADY!