Six Cents None The Richer

, , , , , | Right | April 17, 2019

(I work for a large gas station chain. I am ringing up an old man when I miss an item on the counter. I realize my mistake only after he has already paid, so I go to scan the item I missed. The item is $1.99 plus six cents of tax. He proceeds to freak out for the dumbest reason possible before trying to backtrack once he realizes he is an idiot.)

Me: “That will be $2.05 with the tax for that, then, sir.”

Customer: “Are you kidding me? I’m not paying that! You’re charging me even more tax?!”

Me: “Uh… what?”

Customer: “You messed up, and now I have to pay more tax? I don’t think so.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s not how taxes work. Sales tax is based on a percentage. If the two bucks were with the first order you would have paid exactly the same amount in taxes as you are now.”

Customer: “Oh.” *laughs* “Yeah, I knew that. I was just messin’ with you.”

(Sure you were, dude. Sure you were.)

 

Hats Off To Their Patience

, , , , , , | Right | December 30, 2018

(I am in the post office this morning, behind a woman at the counter who wants stamps.)

Customer: “Do you have any with reindeers on them?”

Clerk: *rooting around in box under counter* “Got some somewhere. Let me see…”

(The clerk pulls a box out from under counter, continues rooting, and eventually pulls out a sheet of stamps and shows them to the customer.)

Clerk: “There you go.”

Customer: *picks sheet up and holds it about an inch from her nose* “Do you have any with antlers?”

Clerk: “Not antlers, no. But you asked for reindeer; I thought you wanted reindeer.”

Customer: “Not just antlers, reindeer with antlers. These don’t have antlers.”

Clerk: *pointing to stamps* “Yes, they do, there, see? Antlers.”

Customer: “Those are antlers? I thought they were hats. They’re very small.”

Clerk: “Reindeer don’t wear hats. Those are antlers, normal size.”

Customer: “They seem very small to me. Sure they’re not hats?”

Clerk: “Definitely antlers.” *holds up a sheet of stamps up for the customer to see them*

Customer: “Let me put my glasses on.” *digs glasses out of her purse and puts them on* “No, those are no good. I want bigger antlers. Do you have any with bigger antlers?”

Clerk: “Sorry, those are the only stamps we have with reindeer with antlers.”

Customer: “Even with my glasses on, they still look like hats. Do you think they might be hats?”

(I am mumbling to myself, “Do NOT make the mistake of turning round and asking me if they look like hats! Don’t do it. Just DON’T!”)

Clerk: “I think they look like antlers.”

Customer: “Okay, well, I don’t want those. Do you have any with elves?”

(How the clerk resists asking if the customer wants elves with antlers is beyond me.)

Clerk: “Yes, we have elf stamps.” *puts reindeer “with hats” stamps back in the box, pulls out a sheet of elf stamps* “Are these okay?”

Customer: *looks closely at elf stamps* “Yes, that’s better. I really wanted elves, anyway; they’re much cuter than reindeer.”

(I shake my head slowly. If she really wanted elves, why have I just listened to a five-minute conversation about antlers?)

Clerk: “How many do you need?”

Customer: *pulling letter from her purse* “Just one, for this, please. Could you put it on for me? I don’t see too well.”

(She pushed the letter across the counter, and the clerk affixed the stamp and tossed the letter into a box behind her. Seven minutes of reindeer, antlers, hats, and elves, and the customer never even TOUCHED the stamp!)

Unable To Recoup(on) From That Attitude

, , , , | Right | June 24, 2018

(I am a store manager at a pizza restaurant. We are running a special where you get a one-topping, sixteen-inch pizza for $8, but only with a coupon. A customer has called in to place an order. The employee answering is having trouble and asks me to take over.)

Me: “Hello, sir. I’m the manager. What seems to be the issue?”

Customer: “Your employee won’t give me the discount pizza. I want half cheese, half pepperoni! They said it has to be all, not half! Why is it so hard?!”

Me: “Okay, sir. I have it fixed for you. At the sale price, half cheese, half pepperoni. Did you want anything else?”

Customer: “It better be at the sale price! I can’t believe this!” *starts to rant again*

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry you are upset. But I have everything just how you want it now. I’ve bumped you up, so your order will be ready in 15 minutes. Did you want anything else?”

Customer: “No. That’s it.”

Me: “Okay, sir, thank you. Now, please remember: if you do not bring the coupon, it will be full price.”

(The customer hangs up. I already know this guy will not bring that coupon. I have an employee who likes to mouth off a bit.)

Me: “[Employee #1], you want a chance to be snarky?”

Employee: “YEAH!”

Me: “I have a customer coming in for this order. I’m personally making it, so it will be perfect. You be extra nice, unless he doesn’t bring that coupon. Then it’s full price, no ifs, ands, or buts. Got it? If you need me, I’ll be doing prep.”

(He smiles gleefully, and the customer comes in. Sure enough, no coupon.)

Employee: “Sorry, without the coupon it’s [full price].”

Customer: “But the coupon said $8!”

Employee: “But you don’t have the coupon.”

Customer: “Ugh, you guys are awful! First, you can’t take an order! Then, you won’t give me the price.”

Employee: “Okay, I will just cancel the order, then.”

Customer: “WHAT? NO! I promised my family pizza.”

Employee: “Well, that will be [full price].”

(The customer grumbled and paid. I laughed, and gave the employee some of my tips after the customer left.)

The Biggest Boob In The Room Is You

, , , , , , , | Friendly | April 23, 2018

(Overheard at the gym:)

Man: “Having big boobs when you’re fat is like having a fast car when it’s falling off a cliff.”

Woman: *obviously not impressed* “Or like having a big d**k when most of it is your personality.”

Intolerant Of Your Gluten-Tolerance, Part 2

, , , , , , , | Right | March 21, 2018

After making me put the kitchen on allergy alert and cook her catfish on tin foil with no seasoning due to “severe gluten and dairy allergies,” a customer asked for a biscuit.

I told her they have both butter and gluten in them, and she responded, “Oh, well, I can have a little.”

Related:
Intolerant Of Your Gluten-Tolerance

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