Grandma Won’t Be Outmatched

, , , , , | IL, USA | Hopeless | March 22, 2016

(I’m a customer and am standing in line at the checkout behind a very sweet-looking little old lady. She’s a stereotypical, blue-haired, tiny woman dressed in a very nice yellow and pink pantsuit. The cashier is a nice-looking young man in his late teens or early twenties.)

Little Old Lady: *to the cashier* “You know, you’re a very handsome young man, and you can hold down a job. That’s a good thing.”

Cashier: “Thank you, ma’am.”

(The lady then proceeds to chat in a very friendly manner to the cashier. While talking, she’s very slowly and carefully placing one item at a time on the conveyor.)

Little Old Lady: “So, I think my granddaughter would be perfect for you. She’s just turned nineteen, she has a nice job of her own, and she’s pretty. You boys like redheads, right?”

Cashier: *dazed look*

Little Old Lady: “You really should meet her. I just know you two would be perfect for each other! I know these things!”

Cashier: “Um, ma’am—”

Little Old Lady: “So, what do you say? Would you like to meet my Linda?”

Cashier: “Ma’am, I’m gay.”

(At this, the sweet-faced little old lady just blinks and smiles.)

Little Old Lady: “Okay, so you need to meet my grandson instead!”

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Abandon All Mope Ye Who Enter Here

, , , | VIC, Australia | Hopeless | March 15, 2016

(I’m a 21-year-old girl at work and feeling a bit sad, having broken up with my long-term boyfriend earlier in the week. One of our regular customers, who is 24, is standing around talking to me and my female coworker. Another regular customer, a lovely elderly German man who we call ‘Dante’ because of his favourite game, comes in shortly afterwards.)

Me: *to Dante* “Hello! How’s Dante’s Inferno going?”

Dante: “Oh, it’s just great! I love it. But I’ve been playing some other games lately…”

(He goes on to tell us what he’s been up to. The young customer joins the conversation, too. Once Dante has finished telling us what games he’s playing, he turns to the young customer.)

Dante: “So, why do you hang around here, young man? I hope you’re not troubling these lovely girls.”

Young Customer: “Nah, I just hang around and talk, really.”

Dante: “Ahh, I see. You like one of these girls, huh? I know you do!”

Young Customer: *laughs and turns red* “How do you know that?”

Dante: “Well, if you come in every day just to chat, you must not have a girlfriend.” *turns to me* “Darling, are you single?”

Me: “Umm, yeah. I am.”

Dante: “You two should get together! You’re nice and he’s nice…” *turns back to the young customer* “…and you’d get free games!”

Young Customer: “Oh, I dunno. She probably wouldn’t give me free games.”

Dante: “Yes, she would! You’d be her boyfriend. She’d have to!” *turns to me and steps closer, talking softly in my ear* “Just think about it, yes? He’s a good boy. He’d be lucky to have a girl like you!”

Me: *grinning ear-to-ear* “Thanks, I’ll think about it!”

(Two months later, I realised how much of a ‘good boy’ the young customer really was, and it turned out that he’d had a crush on me for a while. We’ve been seeing each other for 8 months now, and a few weeks ago I ran into Dante at a local coffee shop. When I told him he’d been right about us, he was over the moon!)

The Cake Was Not A Lie

, , , | Atlanta, GA, USA | Romantic | August 26, 2013

(It’s Valentine’s Day. The bakery that I work at is flooded with couples on dates. At the end of my shift around seven pm, I’m about to leave when I notice a girl sitting alone, staring at her cell phone while crying.)

Me: “Miss, are you all right?”

(She looks up to see me, and quickly tries to hide her tears.)

Girl: “No. Nothing’s wrong. Was I bothering anyone?”

Me: “No, I just heard you crying and I thought you were having a problem.”

Girl: “No, I’m fine. Don’t worry.”

(It is obvious that she is upset, but I don’t want to pry it out of her. As I begin to walk away, I hear her crying start to pick up. To try and cheer her up, I go to the counter and buy her one of our cupcakes. With the cupcake in my hand, I go to her table and place the cupcake in front of her. She takes a moment to look at it, and then looks at me.)

Girl: “What’s this for?”

Me: “You just look like you need something to cheer you up. It’s on the house.”

(I smile at her, which she returns with her own smile. I proceed to turn around and walk away, but she stops me. She points to the seat, prompting me to take it. I sit down and listen to her story. She learned that she’s pregnant, and wanted to tell her boyfriend of four years. However, she was dumped via text message because he didn’t believe the baby was his. The further she gets into her story, the more she cries. At the end of the story, she is completely in tears.)

Girl: “I just… I don’t understand. We’ve been together for four years. Why would he do this now?”

Me: “I’m sorry for what happened, but that’s life.”

Girl: “What?”

Me: “I don’t mean to sound like an a**, but that is unfortunately how life works. You think you find that one thing that makes life special, only to find out in a rude awakening that it isn’t true.”

Girl: “That sounds a bit like experience.”

Me: “Yeah, I’ve been through two relationships already. In both of them I was dumped. It was painful, but I just kept believing that there would eventually be someone for me. I just stopped trying to look. I promise you that you’ll find someone just for you.”

(The girl is dead silent, trying to process everything I’ve said.)

Me: “Listen, if you don’t really have any plans, do you want to go see a movie or something?”

(Her eyes go bright and she smiles. I take it as a yes, and proceed to take her out. We spend three hours together, watching a movie and getting to know each other a bit more. I take her home and she surprises me with a kiss on my cheek before she jumps out of the car without a care in the world. That was five years ago. We’re now married with beautiful twin girls.)

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Weekly Roundup: Love Is (Not) In The Air!

, | Not Always Right | Right | February 17, 2013

Weekly Roundup: Love Is (Not) In The Air! Valentine’s Day may be over, but the love (or lack thereof) from customers never ends. Check out this week’s five romance-themed customer stories!

  1. Abandon All Mope Ye Who Enter Here (2,877 thumbs up)
  2. It Was A One-Horned Fabulous Purple People Lover (2,203 thumbs up)
  3. Please Don’t Single Me Out (1,300 thumbs up)
  4. Don’t Get Short With This Customer (3,058 thumbs up)
  5. My Butter Half (2,197 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

PS #3: Want more romantic (or not-so-romantic) stories? Visit our sister site, Not Always Romantic!

Doubling in Dublin

, , | | Right | August 28, 2009

(Note: It’s several days before Valentine’s Day.)

Customer: “Just these, please!”

(The customer hands me two Valentine’s Day cards. One is titled “To my wife,” and the other is titled “To my girlfriend.” Got to love his lack of shame!)

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