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He Really Let The Suspense Drag-On

, , , , , , , | Romantic | December 16, 2024

My boyfriend has a toy stuffed dragon named Goldie. Goldie was my boyfriend’s very first birthday gift, as he was born in the Year of the Dragon. He absolutely loves it to bits — to the point where he outright wrote in his will that when he passes away, Goldie is to be cremated alongside him.

After about half a decade together, my boyfriend and I are living together. He takes me out for a really fancy dinner one day, and he pulls out all the romantic stops. I get really excited that he’s about to propose.

But then, the date just drags on, and nothing happens. I’m somewhat disappointed but still happy. It’s rare for my thrifty boyfriend to ever spend so much money.

But then we go back home, and I find a stuffed dragon toy on my bed. It’s the exact same size and shape as Goldie but slightly different. Unlike Goldie, who’s gold with red wings, this dragon is silver with electric blue wings — my two favourite colours — and has lipstick and girlier eyes.

And she’s sitting on top of a note.

Note: “My name is Sylvie. Goldie loves me to bits. Should I marry him?”

Me: “Yes! Oh, my God, yes!”

I dash right out of my room and basically pounce on my boyfriend, still incoherently screaming, “Yes!”

Later, after I’ve calmed down…

Me: “So, what gave you the idea to use Sylvie to propose?”

Boyfriend: “I found a toy-making service online that could clone stuffed toys, and I was like, ‘I can use that.’ So, I contacted them to make Sylvie. I mean, no offence to rings, but they’re so… textbook. I wanted something a bit more novel than them.”

Me: “Uh-huh. And the real reason?”

Boyfriend: *Sheepishly* “It was cheaper to commission Sylvie than to buy a diamond ring. I figured that I could do more with less.”

Me: “Cheapskate.”

Boyfriend: “Like you’d have me any other way.”

Best proposal ever.


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All Muscle, No Heart (And No Brains)

, , , , , | Right | September 23, 2024

Some friends and I went out to a restaurant together and were greeted with much yelling and futile attempts to silence it. A man who we would later learn was a manager approached the shouter, a young-looking and physically built man.

Manager: “Sir, I need you to pay for your meal and leave.”

Muscle Man: “The f*** are you kicking me out for? You should be kicking them out!”

He gestured toward one of the booths, where an older man and woman were sitting; I noticed that they seemed to be holding hands.

Manager: “You are disrupting the entire restaurant with your shouting. Those customers are not causing any disturbance.”

Muscle Man: “Are you f****** blind? They were kissing earlier! No one needs to see that!”

Manager: “Then look elsewhere. Regardless, you are no longer welcome here.”

Muscle Man: “I’m not going anywhere, you stupid s***bag!”

Manager: “Sir, unless there is a state of undress involved, [Restaurant] has less than no reason to interrupt a harmless display of affection between two people who are happily in love, especially on the urging of someone who never gets to experience them. You will pay and leave now, and never come back, or we can get the police involved. Either way, you are banned from this restaurant.”

There was much more swearing as [Muscle Man] finally settled his bill and stormed out.

Manager: *To the room* “I apologize for the disturbance, everyone. As compensation, your meals will be 10% off.”

My friends and I ended up being included in that count; I learned this when our waitress had to ask [Manager] about it, and he confirmed that we were waiting to be seated while he was confronting [Muscle Man].

I don’t know what makes people act like a happy couple being happy is a problem, but I like [Manager]’s theory that it’s just jerks who have never been in a happy relationship.

Who Says Black Friday Isn’t A Romantic Holiday?

, , , , , , , , , , | Romantic | August 19, 2024

This is a tale of love and a Black Friday limited-edition release Nintendo 3DS.

After a couple of horrific dating mistakes, I finally found an amazing guy I was head over heels for immediately, and he fell hard and fast, too. We were friends for a few years before I realized I had romantic feelings for him, and he’d had feelings for me even before that. He’d told me about once and completely accepted and dropped the subject when I told him I didn’t feel the same way — you know, like a rational human being. After I realized my feelings for him had changed and managed to get the guts to tell him (a story unto itself), our romantic relationship took off faster than it probably would have had we not been friends before.

As such, I had recently gotten a decent job and wanted to spoil my new boyfriend with something special. He’s not much for gifts — giving or receiving — but he tries for my sake because it’s one of my love languages. I try to balance it out by either getting him practical gifts he has an everyday use for, things he actively desires but can’t currently afford, or these mildly expensive imported candies he really likes — i.e., something that doesn’t take up space or add clutter and he doesn’t get very often.

As we’re both gamers, I struck up a casual conversation about new consoles and games, and he confessed that he really wanted a new Nintendo 3DS as his had apparently given up on life. I began shopping and found that a certain once-popular game store was going to have a 3DS for a ridiculously low price on Black Friday. Not only that, but it was a Black Friday limited-release “Mario” edition 3DS, and the “Mario” series was one of my boyfriend’s childhood favorites.

The only problem: I had the morning shift on Black Friday and about a snowball’s chance in Hell of getting a shift swap. The silver lining was that I worked within a reasonably short driving distance of several game stores that didn’t take me more than two or three minutes out of my way, so I zipped to the closest one right at the end of my shift to see what they had in stock and crossed my fingers.

I went up to an employee and asked about the Black Friday limited-edition 3DS. As a former retail slave myself, I could see the poor guy mentally gearing up for a potential b**** fit.

Employee: *Sympathetically* “I’m so sorry, but we sold out of those in, like, an hour.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s basically what I expected. What do you have?”

Visibly relieved, the guy was nice enough to check not only his store’s stock, but those of the stores in the next ten-mile radius, and he found me a red 3DS XL at another store a short drive away that was also on sale for Black Friday. Not only that, but when he saw that it was their last in stock, he offered to call them immediately and tell them to hold it for me, to which I readily agreed. In less than five minutes, it was put aside in my name.

That done, the employee went the extra further mile: he told me to keep an eye on their webpage on Cyber Monday because the deal was likely to be available online, and I could return the 3DS XL with no hard feelings. I thanked the guy profusely for his help and went to pick up my prize, thanking the staff there for holding it for me.

Fast forward to Sunday night. [Boyfriend] and I were hanging out, and it was getting late. As the clock neared midnight, I took out my phone as we were talking.

Me: “I am so sorry. I wouldn’t be doing this during conversation if it wasn’t actually important, but it’s time-sensitive.”

Boyfriend: “Hey, I understand time-sensitive. No worries.”

At the stroke of midnight, I was on the game store’s website, and praise Cthulhu, the limited edition “Mario” 3DS was in stock and HEAVILY discounted for Cyber Monday. (It was something crazy, like 75% off.) It was in my cart, paid for, and confirmed received in moments. Delighted, I put away my phone and apologized again, which [Boyfriend] waved off understandingly. I returned the 3DS XL a few days later, apologizing to the employee for the big return, but he said it wasn’t a big deal.

I was d*** near buzzing with excitement when the holidays finally rolled around so I could give [Boyfriend] his present. He laughed, saying I was adorable. When he unwrapped the limited edition 3DS, he just stared at it in shock for a few moments, and then he looked up at me.

Boyfriend: “How did… When did…”

Me: “Merry Christmas, honey.”

He put the 3DS down, stood up, and hugged me tightly with tears in his eyes. I hugged him back, and we just stood like that for a while.

A few months later, I was hanging out at his house waiting for him to come home from work. When he did, he gave me a huge grin.

Boyfriend: “So, [Coworker] saw me playing with my new 3DS in the break room today and asked, ‘Dude! How the h*** did you get that?!’ And I said, ‘[My Name] gave it to me for Christmas.’ [Coworker] said, ‘How the h*** did she get that?!’ I said, ‘I dunno; I’ll ask her.’ So, how’d you get that?”

Me: *Laughing* “Remember when I randomly pulled out my phone mid-conversation right at midnight on Cyber Monday?”

Boyfriend: *Eyes widening* “I didn’t realize it was Cyber Monday!”

Me: “I was kind of hoping you wouldn’t.”

Boyfriend: *Laughing* “I love you so much.”

Me: *Embracing him* “I love you so much.”

We just celebrated our third wedding anniversary. The lovers that play together stay together!

“Because I Love (Him), You Idiot!”

, , , , , , | Romantic | July 9, 2024

This story reminded me of a similar thing happening to me. During school, I was at a weekend retreat thing organised by the school, together with the grade above us. We were all young adults.

Due to life taking some odd turns, I was a few years older than my classmates and the only one in the group in a long-term relationship. The relationship had been long-distance for years, and I regularly took eight-plus-hour trips to see my partner.

We sat with people from the grade above us for lunch, including a young man I had met for the first time the day before. He was highly religious, which is uncommon for our country. Somehow, the topic of me taking a trip over the next weekend and spending about as much time on a train as with my partner came up, which was absolutely mindboggling to [Young Man], apparently.

And so, the rather invasive questioning began.

Young Man: “Isn’t that a lot of money?”

Young Man: “Isn’t that a lot of stress?”

Young Man: “Why are you in a relationship while in separate parts of the country?”

Young Man: “Why go through all that trouble in general?”

I tried to be gentle in my explanations about, you know, being in love, enjoying spending time with my partner, and how it was worth it even for the short time we’d be together. And then came:

Young Man: “But why go through the work to drive down there? You’re not even married!”

Quite exasperated, since “I love him” was apparently an alien concept to this dude, I said the first thing that came to mind.

Me: “Because I like f****** him. Don’t have to be married for that.”

That shut him up.

Related:
Sometimes You Have To Say The Quiet Part Out Loud

But Would They Still Be With You If You Were A Snail?

, , , , , , | Romantic | July 5, 2024

My cousin just got married. I am sitting at the reception with my parents and partner, waiting for my cousin and her new husband to make their grand entrance. We are talking about what a good couple they are and how nice it’s been watching them together over the last few years.

Mom: “I was talking to a coworker recently about marriage, and she asked me if I would still be with my husband if I met him now. I thought about it for a second and then said yes. I shouldn’t have even had to think about it. You’re my best friend, and I would absolutely still be with you.” *To my dad* “Would you still be with me?”

Dad: “Absolutely, babe.”

My partner and I have been together since we were teenagers, and we are now twenty-eight. A little bit later in the reception, I ask him the same question.

Me: “Would you still be with me if we met now?”

Partner: “Ha, I think you’re out of my league.”

Later, I share that part of the exchange with my dad.

Dad: “I should’ve thought of that!”