Being Clean And Dirty At The Same Time

, , , , , , | Romantic | April 22, 2018

(My husband and I are taking advantage of the kids being asleep to get intimate. Having not folded laundry in a week, we’ve accumulated a pile of it, which we have pushed off the bed first. We’ve just gotten naked and are now on the bed. I am face-down.)

Me: *coquettishly* “Now what are you going to do to me?”

Husband: *whisper-laughing* “Make you fold the laundry.”

Me: *laughing* “And they say romance is dead!”

Books Are For All Kids, Big And Small

, , , , , | Hopeless | March 26, 2018

(I work at a library. I am helping an elderly woman find some children’s books: “The Boxcar Children,” “Nancy Drew,” etc.)

Me: “Are these for your grandchildren?”

Patron: “If I told you who I was getting these books for, you wouldn’t believe me.”

Me: “Try me.”

Patron: “My 80-year-old wife grew up with 13 siblings. They were very poor, and didn’t have the advantages I had. My mother always took me to the library, and I read everything I could get my hands on. I read these to my wife every night to recapture some of the childhood she didn’t get to have.”

(I started tearing up. Sometimes I really just love my job, and I love people.)

A Sharp Wit Can Be A Lifesaver

, , , , , , | Romantic | March 24, 2018

(I’ve been suffering from chronic depression for most of my life, and my husband has been exceptionally patient and loving to me through my episodes. With his help, I’ve built a system that allows me to work through many of these episodes without medical or chemical help, which is especially important as I am currently nursing our infant son. Part of this system is warning my husband when I’m feeling especially emotionally raw, which we call a “blue day.”)

Me: “Love, I just wanted you to know I’m having a blue day.”

Husband: *concerned* “You okay, sweetheart?”

Me: “I’m just… stuck in this loop. I don’t even know what triggered it. I keep thinking, ‘Just go for the knife,’ and I can’t snap out of it.”

Husband: “Want me to dull the knives for you?”

Me: *caught off guard* “Wait, what?”

Husband: “Seriously! By the time I’m done, you’ll be asking, ‘Why won’t these things even cut butter?!'”

(I had to laugh as he acted out the impossible knives that couldn’t cut room temperature butter, and then got our toddler in on the fun. I’m so blessed to have someone like him!)

The Century Will Be All Downhill From Here

, , , , , | Romantic | January 18, 2018

(It’s January 2, 2001, and it’s the start of a new year, a new decade, and a new century. My wife and I have just finished enjoying “marital relations.”)

Me: “So! Best sex you’ve had this century?”

Wife: “You bet!”

Lighting A Candle For Her Every Single Day

, , , , , | Hopeless | January 17, 2018

(It’s been a long and terrible day at work. I want to slam my head into the register. I have nobody in my line for a while until an elderly man walks up. He carefully places some items onto the belt: some bread, ice cream, a magazine, and two little candles. I take a deep breath to greet him.)

Me: “Hello, sir! How are you?”

Man: “I am doing very well. How about yourself, young lady?”

Me: “I am doing fine! Would you like paper or plastic?”

Man: “Plastic is just fine! Can you please be careful of these candles? They’re my wife’s favorites!”

Me: “Of course!”

(The transaction goes by just fine. He starts chatting with another customer and me.)

Man: “I remember coming in here with her. She’d pick out those candles, I’d accidentally drop them and break them, and she’d smack my arm and laugh. Sweet days. She was such a sweet lady.”

Me: “Oh… She’s…”

Man: “She’s been gone ten years, now. Sometimes I buy these candles for her, hoping to see her again to enjoy them. It hasn’t worked so far, but I won’t stop trying!”

(I finished his transaction with tears in my eyes, and wished him and the other customer well. That’s probably the most bittersweet thing I’ve ever heard.)

Page 2/612345...Last