Strangely Closed Minded

, , , | Right | February 20, 2020

(It’s about 9:30 pm. A regular is in the store and I’m sweeping while he is browsing. A man opens the door and pokes his head in the store.)

Customer: “Are you closed?”

Me: *deadpan* “Yep, and that other customer over there is a figment of your imagination. You really should go home and get some sleep.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.” *leaves*

Regular: *staring at me* “Did that really just happen?”

Me: “Yep. I normally wouldn’t do that but I’ve had a long day full of stupid people like him and I didn’t think I could bear another without screaming or pulling my hair out.”

Regular: “That’s okay. Your secret’s safe with me.”

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Millennials: The Waitress Years

, , , , , | Working | January 28, 2020

My older sister and I worked in a cafeteria/restaurant. One day, the elderly waitresses banded together and demanded the younger waitresses split their tips with the older waitresses because, “They’re younger and get from table to table faster than we do.” 

They also tried demanding the younger waitresses bus their tables for them.

None of this flew with corporate, or even the manager of that particular building, but it was still pretty sad that that was even attempted.

If you feel you’re too old to work as a waitress sufficiently enough to make the money you need, don’t expect the younger folks to pay you their cut.

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A Bit Tender About The Terminology  

, , , , | Working | January 13, 2020

(I am with my dad and my three siblings and we are going through the drive-thru at a fast food place. We get up to where we can order and my dad begins to order the food. The first thing he orders is chicken nuggets.)

Employee: “Um, we don’t have chicken nuggets; we have chicken tenders.”

Dad: “Uh… okay, we will have that, then.”

(He then ordered iced tea. Instead of asking if he would like it sweet or unsweet, the employee’s response was, “Um, we don’t have iced tea; we have sweet tea, and we have unsweet tea.” At this point, we were all thoroughly aggravated. I half-expected the woman to tell us that there was not sweet tea, but tea with sugar in it. At last, we made it through the line and obtained our food. We have not encountered the woman again, and hopefully will not.)

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If Spiderman Was Deadpool

, , , , , , , | Learning | January 13, 2020

This is a story my dad told me from when he was a college freshman in the late ’80s. Apparently, my uncle, who was still in high school, had gotten himself a pet tarantula around that time and had it in some sort of cage-type setup in their kitchen.

One day, not long before spring break, my grandmother was tasked with feeding it and, naturally, the tarantula jumped out of its cage and fled right into a sink filled with dishes and soapy water and died. 

When my dad came home not long after, he ended up taking the tarantula’s corpse and shellacking it to a piece of wood in a way that made it look like it was still alive. He then brought it back with him to school a few days earlier than he’d initially planned. During those few extra days, he put up several “Missing Pet” signs for it all over campus. 

As people in his dorm started returning, he would sneak the dead tarantula into their rooms while he pretended to help them with their luggage, and, since this wasn’t out of the ordinary for him, they never suspected anything until they ended up finding it. He told me he lost count of how many people he pranked in his dorm before word got out of what he was doing.

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Not Ready For Some Hot Sales

, , , | Right | January 7, 2020

Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Gimme some nachos with cheese.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we just made a fresh batch of cheese, and it’s not hot yet.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, then, gimme a Frito pie with just cheese.”

Me: “We just made a fresh batch of cheese, and it’s not hot yet.”

Customer: “Oh. Well… can I get cheese on some fries?”

Me: “Cheese isn’t hot yet.”

Customer: “D***.” *walks away*

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