Avoid A Soft Touch With Bad Customers

, , , , | Right | June 9, 2010

(We sell a line of massage chairs. For two days, a man has come in, sat in one chair for 20 minutes, and left without looking at any other item. On the third day, my boss asks me to confront him.)

Me: “Hi, sir! I’ve noticed your interest in this massage chair. Are you interested in making a purchase?”

Customer: “Um… um… no…”

Me: “Sir, we can’t allow you to sit in the chair for this long three days in a row if you don’t even have the slightest interest in buying it. Other customers who are interested would like to try it, too.”

Customer: “What are you talking about, man? There isn’t anyone else here right now!  And who would pay $1,500 for a chair?!”

Me: “Plenty of people. This is one of our most popular items.”

Customer: “Idiots! Why would they pay for the chair when they can just come here and use it for free?!”

1 Thumbs
2,767

Likely To Cause IRE (Ironic Resourceful Ethics)

, , , , , , | Right | May 3, 2010

(I am working near a copy station, and a woman comes up with a large stack of papers.)

Customer: “Do you have any zip ties to bind this with?”

Me: “Sure, here.”

(As she binds the papers, I see the word “Ethics” on the first page.)

Me: “Oh, is this for an ethics class?”

Customer: “Yes! I didn’t want to pay for the book, so I photocopied it. Do you think the professor is going to like how resourceful I am?”

Me: “I’m sure you’ll have a very lively discussion about it.”

1 Thumbs
4,136

Fishing For The Truth

, , , , , | Right | March 20, 2010

(A tourist couple comes in at lunchtime. The woman orders crawfish bisque, a rich dish served with stuffed crawfish. I bring the food to their table, but she lets out a scream, pointing frantically at her plate.)

Customer: “What’s that!”

Me: “It’s crawfish, ma’am. It’s what you ordered.”

Customer: “That’s not a fish! That’s a bug! Get it away from me; that’s horrible!”

Me: “Ma’am, I promise you, that’s a crawfish. They’re not actually fish, they’re like little lobsters. Would you like me to show you how to break one open?”

Customer: “Do you think I’m stupid? I know what a fish looks like! I’m calling the Health Department!”

(She asks the manager for a phone book and uses the restaurant phone. The manager asks me to pick up the extension so I can help explain the situation.)

Customer: “I am at [Restaurant] and they just served me food with giant bugs in it!”

Health Officer: “What did you order?”

Me: *on the extension* “This is the waitress. She ordered Crawfish Bisque.”

Health Officer: “Ma’am, what kind of bugs are in your food? Roaches?”

Customer: “No, they’re not roaches, they’re huge! And there’s a whole bunch of them!”

Me: “I tried to show her how to open the shell, but I think she got confused and was expecting crawfish to be regular… you know… fish.”

Health Officer: “Ma’am, are these giant bugs on top of a plate full of rice and sauce?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Health Officer: “Do they have a dark red shell?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Health Officer: “Ma’am, you’re supposed to eat those!”

Customer: *drops the phone and runs out of the restaurant*

1 Thumbs
4,970

Craz-E

, , , , | Right | January 22, 2010

Me: *on the drive-thru intercom* “Welcome to [Coffee Company]. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “I need an ‘E.’”

(The customer immediately pulls away from the intercom.)

Me: “What the heck’s an ‘E’?”

Coworker: “Oh, that’s for [Famous Lawyer]. I don’t remember exactly what it is, but he always expects us to know it. He won’t explain it if you ask. Try a [incredibly complicated drink].”

(The customer refuses to make small talk, and we notice him dump his coffee out his car window as he drives away.)

Coworker: “We must not have got it right. He’ll try the location down the street next.”

1 Thumbs
3,450