Pre(Car)ious Insurance, Part 4

, , , , , , , | Right | January 10, 2011

Me: “Could I ask why you fled the scene of the accident, sir?”

Customer: “Because I didn’t have no insurance.”

Me: “Wait, didn’t you say earlier that you were driving right now?”

Customer: “Yes, sir.”

Me: “…the vehicle from the accident?”

Customer: “Yes, sir.”

Me: “…with no insurance?”

Customer: “What part of ‘Yes, sir,’ do you not understand!?”


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A Suitable Trade-Off

, , , | Right | November 18, 2010

(Sundays are our busiest days for trades at our video game store. Six people are in line at my register, and the only other employee is on the floor fielding customer questions.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Videogame Store]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I’d like to get trade-in prices for some games I have.”

Me: “No problem. We’re a bit busy in store right now, though, so I’ll only be able to give you prices on three trades over the phone. Any more, and you’ll have to come into the store.”

Caller: “Bull! It’s one pm on a Sunday. No way you have that many customers.”

Me: *holding phone towards customers waiting in line* “Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to the man who doesn’t think you’re here.”

Crowd: “Hi!”

Me: “Any other questions, sir?”

Caller: *click*


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A Grave Concern

, , , , | Right | August 23, 2010

(I am the only representative in the Texas queue. I had spoken to this customer fifteen minutes previously, before I went on break. He is my first call when I get back.)

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Phone Company]. How may I assist you today?”

Customer: “Aren’t you the one I talked to earlier?”

Me: *checking the account info* “Yes, sir, I did speak to you earlier. Is there a problem?”

Customer: “You told me the technician would be out here on Monday. Well, that’s not good enough! I need him out here right now!”

Me: “Sir, it’s nine pm on Saturday evening. Our technicians go home at seven pm and do not work on Sundays.”

Customer: “I don’t care; you get someone out tonight! I have a medical condition and if something happens to me while my phone is out, I’m calling my lawyer!”

Me: “Sir, I will be more than happy to send you the letter for a doctor to verify that you have a medical condition requiring your phone services to be on 24/7. Unfortunately, because the status is not currently on the account, I will not be able to get a call-out approved.”

Customer: “I don’t want your letter! I want my services back on! If something happens to me on the weekend and I die, you’ll be hearing from me!”

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Avoid A Soft Touch With Bad Customers

, , , , | Right | June 9, 2010

(We sell a line of massage chairs. For two days, a man has come in, sat in one chair for 20 minutes, and left without looking at any other item. On the third day, my boss asks me to confront him.)

Me: “Hi, sir! I’ve noticed your interest in this massage chair. Are you interested in making a purchase?”

Customer: “Um… um… no…”

Me: “Sir, we can’t allow you to sit in the chair for this long three days in a row if you don’t even have the slightest interest in buying it. Other customers who are interested would like to try it, too.”

Customer: “What are you talking about, man? There isn’t anyone else here right now!  And who would pay $1,500 for a chair?!”

Me: “Plenty of people. This is one of our most popular items.”

Customer: “Idiots! Why would they pay for the chair when they can just come here and use it for free?!”

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Likely To Cause IRE (Ironic Resourceful Ethics)

, , , , , , | Right | May 3, 2010

(I am working near a copy station, and a woman comes up with a large stack of papers.)

Customer: “Do you have any zip ties to bind this with?”

Me: “Sure, here.”

(As she binds the papers, I see the word “Ethics” on the first page.)

Me: “Oh, is this for an ethics class?”

Customer: “Yes! I didn’t want to pay for the book, so I photocopied it. Do you think the professor is going to like how resourceful I am?”

Me: “I’m sure you’ll have a very lively discussion about it.”


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