(I’m ringing a young girl up at my candy store, and she’s a dollar short on her purchase. She turns to another, younger girl, who looks to be around nine or ten years old.)

Older Girl: “Go get Mom?”

Younger Girl: “No.”

Older Girl: “What? Come on, go get Mom.”

Younger Girl: “No!”

Older Girl: “I don’t have enough money!”

Younger Girl: “So?”

Older Girl: “Go. Get. Mom!”

Younger Girl: “NO!”

(Visibly frustrated and upset, the older girl turns to me.)

Older Girl: “Is it okay if I run and get my mom real quick? I just need another dollar.”

Me: “It’s fine. I’ll hold your bag for you.”

(The older girl runs off, and I frown at the younger girl. Seeing me looking at her — and apparently COMPLETELY misinterpreting my expression — the younger girl beams at me proudly.)

Younger Girl: *smugly* “I never do anything anyone tells me to!”

This story is part of our Kids-In-Candy-Stores roundup!

Read the next Kids-In-Candy-Stores roundup story!

Read the Kids-In-Candy-Stores roundup!

(I am hosting at the end of the night on a Saturday, about thirty minutes before we close, when this customer walks in. He looks a little worse for wear and very confused.)

Me: “Evening, sir, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Uh… can I use the restroom?”

(Normally, our policy is to only allow paying customers to use the restrooms, but since it’s late and he doesn’t appear to mean any harm, I allow it. He returns a few minutes later.)

Customer: “You might be able to help me with this. I’m on a trip.”

Me: “That’s great, sir. How can I help?”

Customer: “Which way is Florida?”

Me: *confused pause* “Florida?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m a little lost. Which way is it?”

Me: “Well, if you get on the interstate heading east, I suppose you’ll get there eventually.”

Customer: “Go west?”

Me: “East.”

Customer: “Ah, thanks.” *mutters* “Must’ve been going the wrong way…”

(The customer left. A few of my coworkers came over to see if I was okay after he left, because I had dropped down under the host stand to hide how I was crying with laughter. We’re located in Louisiana. How far in the wrong direction did he go?)

(This happens the afternoon after my school’s annual career day. It’s important to note that I am very much NOT straight and my parents are fully aware of this.)

Me: *talking to my dad* “Oh, yeah, we had career day today.”

Dad: *only half paying attention* “Huh? Queer day?”

Me: “No, career day, Dad. You should know that every day is queer day for me.”

(I work in a well-known lube shop. We also do state inspections. If at any time a customer’s wait is too long, we offer a discount when they pay and offer a future discount, as well. It’s getting close to closing time so I am counting the till to go home. As I am in the office, a vehicle pulls up:)

Customer: “I want a state inspection.”

(My coworkers start the inspection because even though it’s four minutes to close, we do them up until closing time. All is going well, but then I have a tech walk in.)

Tech: “The customer is telling us to give him an inspection while his windshield is cracked more than is allowed. He said the manager told him ‘we got you when you come in.’”

(As I am one of the managers, I go out to try and talk to the guest about going against state rules and regulations. Keep in mind that we are able to give a rejection sticker that makes the car legal for thirty days. As soon as I get out there, I recognize the guest as one that waited too long a few weeks ago.)

Customer: *irritated* “My windshield will cost too much; just put the sticker on because you owe me.”

(I inform him of state regulations and even measure the crack to show him it’s beyond the allowed length.)

Customer: “But you owe me!”

Me: “While, yes, I do owe you a discount, I cannot break state law, risk losing my driver’s license, risk losing my location’s ability to perform state inspections, and risk accruing a $5000 fine.”

Customer: *very mad* “I will never be back! Get ready, because corporate is going to have you and your crew fired over this!”

(My boss and my boss’s boss laughed when I told them about this, and my coworker had to go out to get the signs off the curb when they were pulling out. They had a camera and flipped off my employee while trying to get a reaction. He just waved and said, “Have a wonderful evening.” Just because a company owes you, it doesn’t mean you can ask them to break the law. I just hope he didn’t get a ticket on the way home. I would love to have been a fly on the wall if he did as he complained to the cop.)

(It’s about 9:30 pm. A regular is in the store and I’m sweeping while he is browsing. A man opens the door and pokes his head in the store.)

Customer: “Are you closed?”

Me: *deadpan* “Yep, and that other customer over there is a figment of your imagination. You really should go home and get some sleep.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.” *leaves*

Regular: *staring at me* “Did that really just happen?”

Me: “Yep. I normally wouldn’t do that but I’ve had a long day full of stupid people like him and I didn’t think I could bear another without screaming or pulling my hair out.”

Regular: “That’s okay. Your secret’s safe with me.”

This story is part of the Convenience Store roundup!

Read the next Convenience Store roundup story!

Read the Convenience Store roundup!