A few decades ago, I was working in a bank that merged with another. The local branches of each were so busy that all the staff was simply combined, with just a few positions adjusted in management.

One day, a man comes to my window to cash a check he has made out himself, except his name is not on the check nor the account. The teller next to me recognizes him as the assistant to an elderly regular from the bank we just merged with and assures me he’s authorized to write and cash checks on the account. Figuring the information just hasn’t been put into the system yet, I go to verify the permission on the signature cards that have been brought over from the other bank.

But he’s not on the card, and there’s no reference to a Power of Attorney or other form that might give him permission to use the account. Back I go to tell the customer I can’t cash his check.

Customer: “I’ve never had a problem before.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I have nothing that says you’re allowed to write checks or withdraw money from this account.”

Coworker: “Oh, it’s fine, He’s in with [Account Owner] all the time.”

Me: “That may be, but there’s no authorization.”

Coworker: “I’m authorizing you.”

Me: “You’re not a manager. Without the paperwork in place, I’m not cashing this.”

Coworker: “Fine, I’ll do it. [Customer], come over here. I’ll take care of you.”

I shrugged, handed the check back to the customer, and continued my day.

A couple of weeks later, all staff was brought in for a mandatory meeting. We were informed that thousands of dollars were missing from a customer’s account. Yep, it was [Account Owner]’s.

It turned out that [Account Owner] had never authorized or intended to authorize her assistant on her account. Staff from the other bank had simply assumed that this person who came in with [Account Owner] twice a week was allowed to and that [Account Owner] just forgot to do the paperwork because she was old. [Customer] played off that familiarity to make regular withdrawals, and because part of his job was handling the mail, he just didn’t give [Account Owner] anything from the old bank. When asked, he’d just reassure her he’d seen the statement and all was well. This went on for months, and [Account Owner] only found out because [Customer] forgot that the statements would come in with the new bank name.

The manager and assistant manager from the other bank were fired. Every teller from the other bank got a written warning for cashing those checks, as well as a few of our own who’d ignored the discrepancy on the reassurance of the other bank’s staff. Everyone from both banks got retrained in our procedures and protecting both our customers and ourselves. It turned out that there were a ton of rules and regulations the staff at the other bank had been ignoring because of familiarity, and they’d been telling our staff that the busy work was an unnecessary hassle.

Five or six years ago, I was working in the IT department of a non-profit. Staff started leaving after the new Chief Information Officer came in. He brought in his own management team! We were desperate to backfill Linux administrators since half the team left.

This resume came through Human Resources. The work history seems a bit off: short-term contracts, a few months there, a few months here. We had doubts even before we contacted him for a phone interview.

Coworker: “How do you rate yourself as a Linux admin, on a scale of one to ten?”

Applicant: “To be modest, I’m a ten.”

I muted the phone and we both started laughing. I unmuted the phone.

Me: “So you know the OS well. How would you extend a logical volume?”

Applicant: “Oh, I don’t do the day-to-day stuff. I just create a ticket for the other team. I mainly do architecture.”

My coworker muted the phone.

Coworker: “Is this guy serious?”

We chuckled and got back to the interview.

The next few questions were all pretty simple, but the applicant gave variations of “I have no idea” deflections.

I muted the phone again.

Me: “If he doesn’t know the basics, there’s no point in continuing the phone interview.”

But I decided to give him another chance

Me: “How would you set up passwordless SSH?”

Applicant: “Why don’t you stop asking me basic questions? Ask me about troubleshooting.”

At this point, we gave up and gestured a thumbs-down.

Coworker: “We have no further questions. Do you have questions for us?”

Applicant: “When will you decide to fill the position? I have great confidence in starting this new opportunity.”

My brother wants to buy a book.

Dad: “What type of book is it?”

Brother: “It’s a comic book.”

Dad: “No, you can’t get that.”

Brother: *Without missing a beat* “It’s a graphic novel.”

He did not get the book!

I answer the phone at my butcher shop. It’s a customer who was in about an hour ago. 

Customer: “Hi. I was there before and I bought a piece of garlic, but it didn’t make it into the bag.”

Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry. We can either refund it or, if it’s convenient for you to come back, we can just replace it.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want either of those things. I’m cooking right now, and I don’t have it.”

Me: *Unsure where this is going* “Well, like I said, we can replace it or refund it—”

Customer: “I would prefer if one of your employees drove it over to me right now. I’m right in town.”

I blink as I try to process this, looking around at my already extremely short-staffed store and my coworkers running around like chickens with their heads cut off, trying to keep on top of everything.  

Me: “Right… Well, as I said, we can refund it or replace it. None of our employees are going to be able to deliver it to your home.”

Customer: “Well, that’s ridiculous.”

Not as ridiculous as your request that we hand-deliver $1 garlic to your house, lady!

I am walking down Hollywood Boulevard when a man steps into my path. 

Man: “Hey, girl, you are beautiful. Let me tell you a little about my music. Do you have a minute?”

Me: “No, thanks.”

I step to the side but he steps in front of me again.

Man: “Now look, I’m getting big on Instagram, but I’m out here—”

Me: “I’ll kick you.”

Man: *Hands up* “Easy, girl, I’m just trying to share my music.” 

I walk around him and he yells after me.

Man: “You wanna be a cold b****, that’s between you and God.”

I keep walking.

Man: “Yeah, f*** you, stupid whore!”

He continues to yell at me as I walk down the street. On my way back, the same man steps in front of me again. 

Man: “Miss, you are gorgeous! Can— Oh, f*** no.”

I just laughed as I walked by.

The next weekend, I was walking the same street and saw a woman standing a few feet from the “artist” telling everyone that he gave her a blank CD and refused to give her money back. He did not look happy.