Me: “Good afternoon, thank you for calling [Vitamin Company]. This is [My Name]. How may I direct your call?” *long pause* “Hello?” *another long pause* “Hello?”

Caller: “Hi, I got your number from a natural cure.”

Me: “How may I direct your call, sir?”

Caller: “I was reading a book.”

Me: “Okay.”

Caller: “It had your number. Are you a vitamin store? With… vitamins and things?”

Me: “We are a vitamin manufacturer, sir. Do you have a question about a product?”

Caller: “I got your number from a natural cure book. Have you read it?”

Me: “What book, sir?”

Caller: “A natural cures book.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I have not. Did you have a question about a product that we manufacture?”

Caller: “Yeah, I got your number out of a natural cures book.”

Me: “Yes, there are a number of books that mention our products.”

Caller: *pauses* “…It was a BOOK.”

Me: “Yes, sir. I’m just trying to determine who can best assist you.”

Caller: *pauses again* “BOOOOOOOOOOOOK…”

Me: “Let me connect you with customer service, sir…”

This story is part of our Weird Customers roundup!

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(I’m ringing up a young couple for a video game. The girlfriend asks about the game and the boyfriend describes it to her.)

Boyfriend: “[In the game] you’re one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.”

Girlfriend: “Which one?”

Boyfriend: “War.”

Girlfriend: “Who are the others?”

Boyfriend: “Famine, Pestilence, and Plague.”

Girlfriend: “Who makes this s*** up?!”

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(I’m at the front bar of a certain coffee shop, in the middle of making a caramel macchiato. An old, angry, hovering customer approaches me.)

Customer: “What are you doing? I didn’t ask for caramel; I’m allergic! Are you trying to kill me?! I had to wait in line all this time and I can’t get a d*** coffee made right!”

Me: “Ma’am, this is a caramel macchiato. I’m sure this isn’t your drink. What did you have today?”

Customer: “I had a latte. I’ve been waiting for ten minutes!”

Me: “Ma’am, there’s a latte right here on the counter right next to your handbag.”

Customer: “Why didn’t you tell me? I’m late for my movie!”

Me: “Ma’am, I called the drink out three times; you were standing there the whole time.”

Customer: “You should have called louder!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I was practically yelling. I figured it was loud enough. Well, there you are, have a nice day.”

Customer: “YOU MADE ME LATE FOR MY F****** MOVIE!”

Another Customer: “You get the evilest people here, don’t you?”

Me: “LA’s finest. Here’s your macchiato. Have a nice evening.”

This story is part of our Allergic To Common Sense roundup!

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