Unfiltered Story #184481

, , , | Unfiltered | January 28, 2020

I’m the customer in this one. I fumble a coin in my kitchen and it rolls under the stove. Shining my flashlight under the stove to find it, I’m mortified to see the body of a mouse, staring glassy-eyed back at me. I call a pest control company and the exterminator arrives the next morning.
Exterminator: “So, I’ll just check under your stove, get rid of the dead rodent, and I’ll check for signs of any current infestation.”
Me (as the exterminator looks under the stove): “Thank you. I try to keep things clean, and I worry about my little boy crawling around on the floor when there’s-”
Exterminator: “Sir?”
Me: (surprised at being interrupted) “Yes?”
Exterminator: “Here’s your mouse.”
He holds up a little cat toy — a cloth mouse, complete with shiny little plastic eyes.
Me: “How much do I owe you for the trip? And how much extra to never, ever, speak of this again?”

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She Boxed You Into Doing It  

, , , , , | Right | January 10, 2020

(I work at a somewhat high-end boutique. A woman comes in; she quickly begins explaining to me that she usually wears designer — like David Yurman on her wrist — but she delights in small businesses and frequently shops in this store. She chooses two necklaces after some time, between our conversing over how her investments in designer items will be worth a fortune soon. I am actually interested and find her unique, albeit curious in mannerisms and speech. We are checking out as I put one necklace in a box and wrap it, and begin doing the same for the second necklace.)

Customer: “You don’t have to give me two boxes. I’m just going to unwrap them when I get home.”

Me: “No, I would really like to. You can reuse the boxes once you’re done; they’re great for gifts.”

Customer: “No, they cost you guys money. Just one box, please.”

Me: *hesitantly* “I’m afraid they’ll get tangled! It’s honestly not any trouble—”

Customer: *firmly* “No, one box. Thank you, but it would be a waste. I don’t want it.”

(I put both necklaces in one box. They’re “locked” in place by foam, and I set them in the bag with enough tissue, just in case. Days pass. On the weekend, my boss asks about that very woman and if I had dealt with her. I say yes. I am excited; we had a delightful exchange and I feel I built a good rapport with her.)

Boss: “Yeah, she’s a little weird. A little off.”

Me: “Really? I couldn’t tell. Why do you say that?”

Boss: *hesitantly* “I know she’s lying because I know you wouldn’t do this, but she called me up and yelled, like, ‘Your employee put my two $50 necklaces in one box! I specifically asked her to put them in separate boxes but she refused! Now, they’re tangled and I can’t wear either of them!’ I was like, ‘I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. Come on in and I would be happy to fix them, I have the tools, blah, blah.’ Then she starts yelling again about how I should teach my employees to ‘never put two necklaces in one box.’ Then I’m like, ‘Actually, my employee would never do that. This sounds nothing like her, honestly. Now, I can fix them if you bring them in. Is that okay?’ She then gets really loud and says, ‘Maybe I should have just worn one of them out of the store, around my big, fat neck!’ I was like, ‘Ooookaaaaaay.’ I know you wouldn’t do that. She’s always been weird to me. I didn’t even want to tell you, because you did nothing wrong.”

(I explained what had actually happened and my boss understood; she said she’s done the same thing, but it’s now policy to never share boxes for necklaces. I’m just grateful my boss defended me without even hearing my side of the story. Why did she call and lie to my boss so blatantly? Perhaps to have an exchange or refund? Regardless, my boss and I have recently noted she hasn’t been in since.)

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To Be Fair, Mozzarella Sauce Sounds Amazing

, , , , , | Right | January 6, 2020

(I work at a restaurant where you follow your pizza down the line and employees customize it for you. I’m blessed to have very few nasty customers and lots of funny ones. In case you’ve never worked in a restaurant, it’s important to note that you get really good at figuring out what people are asking for, even with vague gestures, little English, or the wrong words. Here are some very common conversations:)

Me: “What kind of sauce would you like?”

Customer #1: “Mozzarella.”

Me: “Mozzarella… sauce?”

Customer #1: “Yes.”

(The customer’s friend and I start laughing.)

Customer #1: “Wait! I meant marinara sauce! And mozzarella cheese!

Me: *still laughing* “I know. You can follow your pizza down the line.”

(Another typical conversation:)

Me: “Okay, so one [signature pizza]. Would you like any salad?”

Customer #2’s Friend: “HA! Does he look like he eats salad?”

Me: “So bacon and ham, and would you like any other meats?”

Customer #2: “Yeah, pineapple.”

Me: *grins* “You mean pepperoni?”

Customer #2: “What? Wait, yes! Pepperoni, not pineapple!”

(And another conversation:)

Me: “Hi! Welcome to [Restaurant]! Have you been here before or would you like me to explain the menu?”

Customer #3: “I want a pizza.”

Me: “Well, that’s a good choice… How about I explain the menu to you?” *after customer orders* “Is that all?”

Customer #3: “Yep!”

Me: *to this customer’s friend* “Would you like to order anything?”

Customer #3’s Friend: “Huh? No, I’m just… Uh… No, thanks…”

Me: “Oh, you’re just here for moral support?”

Everyone: *busts up laughing*

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Influencer, Or Under The Influence?

, , , , , , , | Friendly | December 26, 2019

(I’m browsing at a boutique that carries a bunch of brands that are popular with models and influencers. I’m a big fan of one these brands that creates stunning clothes, but they’re fairly pricey so I rarely buy, and only when they’re on sale. Still, I treasure the items I do get, like the dress I am actually wearing today to the boutique. It was part of their collection two years ago, so it’s not sold at the store anymore. While I’m looking at a couple of dresses, I feel a hand grab me from behind. I whip around and see a statuesque woman staring at my dress.)

Me: “Excuse me?”

Woman: “That’s the [dress] dress! I wanted to get that, but it’s been sold out everywhere for ages. I’m so happy I finally found it.”

Me: “I don’t think they sell this here anymore. I’m sorry.”

Woman: “What do you mean? This looks like my size.”

Me: “What?”

Woman: “I’m an influencer, see? I need to have clothes that are both sexy and pretty. This dress is perfect!”

Me: “I don’t know what to tell you. You should ask a salesperson to help you.”

Woman: “I don’t need someone else to help me. This is what I want; it’d be perfect for my new Instagram post. I want to try on this dress now!”

Me: *incredulous at this point* “This is my dress. Now, please leave me alone.”

(I try to leave, but she’s blocking my way and I’m essentially backed up against the rack.)

Woman: *screeching now* “Why won’t you give me the dress?! Call your manager now!”

Me: “I don’t work here, and this is my dress. Now, get out of the way.”

Woman: “YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME THE DRESS! I’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR IT! I’LL GET YOU FIRED, B****!”

(Having had enough of this, I try to push past her. She yanks at my dress as I’m leaving.)

Me: “GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!”

Woman: “THIS IS MINE! A girl like you doesn’t deserve a dress this beautiful! I’ll do it justice!”

(I’m just panicking completely. I’m very close to tears and this woman just won’t let go of me.)

Me: “GET AWAY FROM ME!”

(She kept grabbing the dress and I tried to push her away. Suddenly, I heard a loud rip. She’d ripped off a sleeve, causing the front of the dress to fall down, essentially exposing my chest to an entire store full of people. I grabbed the front and burst into tears. I sat on the ground sobbing and I saw a store employee wrangle the woman away, while another came over to put a large wrap around me. The employee comforted me while we waited for the police. The woman was arrested when the police came, and she still kept screaming at me. I did press charges, but it didn’t really do much. She eventually got some community service for what she did, while I was left with the ruins of my favorite dress and the memory of being completely manhandled with my breasts on display for everyone to see.)

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Cheese Addiction Is Becoming A Problem

, , , , | Healthy | December 5, 2019

(I work at a non-profit rehab for teens as a counselor. During their lunch, a new resident is having a heated argument with other staff over her dietary restrictions.)

Teen: “I can’t eat this; it has cheese. I’m vegan.”

Staff: “We’re trying to accommodate. The cooks have been made aware and are working on fixing you something else.”

Teen: “You shouldn’t be eating this stuff. Do you know how badly dairy and meat harms your body? You guys are all disgusting.”

Me: *screaming internally* “You shouldn’t lecture anyone when you smoke meth!”

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