As Long As The Coffee Survived

, , , , | Working | March 18, 2019

(A coworker and I are walking back from our break, and he’s carrying a tray of take-out coffee for everyone. He is carrying the tray with one hand, looking at his phone in the other as he walks.)

Me: “[Coworker], be careful.”

Coworker: “Huh?”

Me: “Watch out where you’re walking.”

Coworker: *clucks his tongue at me affectionately* “See, you’re like the big sister I never had, worrying over nothing.”

Me: “You have like five cups of hot coffee in one hand, and it’s all uneven here. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

(He scoffs at me so I let it drop. A few paces later, however, as he’s looking at his phone, he comes up on a ledge that has a central set of steps, misses the steps, and his foot comes down on open air. It’s only about a foot drop or so, but he pitches forward and his phone goes flying as he reflexively grabs for the coffee tray, jerking it up over his head like he’s offering it skyward — amazingly not spilling a drop — as he lands hard on both knees.)

Me: “Oh, my God! Are you okay?!”

Coworker: *gritting his teeth in pain* “Yes, thanks. And a preemptive thanks for not saying, ‘I told you so.’”

(At least he saved the coffee, and luckily, his phone was okay, too!)

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Unfiltered Story #141603

, , , | Unfiltered | February 23, 2019

*We have five popcorn makers at our theater, four of which are currently broken. I hvae been making fresh popcorn all morning, transporting it from the one working machine to the broken ones, so that things at least LOOK nice.  I only serve guests out of the machine that works, though, so they can have fresh, hot popcorn. I’ve just finished making another batch, when a man approaches my counter.*

Me: Hey there! What can I get for you?

Customer: Can I get a large popcorn?

Me: Sure thing! *I head to the working machine to get him the fresh popcorn, which is the machine farthest away from my register.*

Man: Going on a journey for my popcorn, eh? *joking tone*

Me: Haha, yeah. *returning* That popper has the freshest popcorn, I just made it a minute ago.

Man: Oh, well, thank you!

*He pays and is on his way, and I think nothing of it. A few moments later, though, he’s back, with his full bag of popcorn*

Man: Um, this popcorn is cold.

Me: What?

Man: The popcorn. It’s cold.

Me: That– doesn’t make any sense, I just popped it. I’m so sorry! *taking the bag from him. The bag is still warm. I hold my hand over the popcorn to see if it’s radiating heat, which it is. I look at him, confused*

Man: Yeah. It’s just no good. 

Me: … Let me get you some fresh? *I toss the popcorn in his bag into the garbage, and then refill the bag with popcorn form the exact same popper as before, before handing it back to him*

Man: *eating some of the popcorn* Much better. You should only ever serve fresh popcorn!

Me: I’ll… keep that in mind.

Of Coffee Slips And Well-Timed Quips

, , , , , , , | Working | February 21, 2019

I work as a producer for a video game publishing company. Recently I met up with a former employer for lunch. I left the company on good terms, and he essentially got me started on my career, so even though I don’t work for him anymore I still consider him a mentor and am eager to show him how well I’ve done and how far I’ve come. With me is another colleague, and a young intern we have working with us.

Lunch itself goes great. I’m happy to see him and catch up, and my coworker says great things about me to him. Towards the end, he’s chatting with our intern, encouraging him in general but also saying, “Don’t worry. Just stick to [My Name] and learn from her and you’ll be just fine.”

Even though it’s obviously just kind flattery, I beam at him, go to set down my mostly-full coffee cup… and miss the edge of the table entirely so it drops to the floor and shatters, spraying coffee everywhere. There’s a moment of horrified silence, and then the intern looks at my former boss and deadpans, “Don’t worry. I’ll do as she says, not as she does.”

At least I know our intern is quick with a quip, and that I can always rely on the universe to put me in my place with perfect timing if I ever get too big a head.


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The Wildest Ride Is Before The Ride

, , , , | Right | February 20, 2019

(I am pregnant, and I am working still; I work in a play area for children. Sometimes parents are not the most understanding people.)

Me: *just coming back from the bathroom for the eighth time*

Customer: “My boys have been waiting for this ride; you need to stop leaving. It’s your job to man this ride.”

Me: “I’m sorry. Okay, let me check your height, sweetie.”

(I direct him towards the height requirement, and he’s a couple inches too short; I don’t count hair.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sweetie. You’re too small for this ride.”

(The child begins to argue, but the brother, who is clearly tall enough, goes on.)

Customer: “He’s not that small; just let him on.” *starts to get irritated, crossing their arms, and giving off angry body language*

Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t let him ride for safety reasons”

Customer: “It’s fine; I’m okay with it.”

(The customer then tries to usher the smaller child on the ride. I hold out my arm to stop the child.)

Me: *feels a pain, so I suck in and my eyes widen* “I’m sorry, but I cannot let him on.”

(The customer glares, then grabs the boys and storms off in a huff. The manager walks over to the ride when I get back from another pee break.)

Manager: *looks at me with a smirk* “She tried to let the kid on when you were gone, then threatened to sue us.”

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Unfiltered Story #140349

, , | Unfiltered | February 14, 2019

(I’m a woman. I’m at an anime convention, dressed as the female main character from the anime “Sword Art Online.” A guy walks up to me, dressed in a sloppy outfit that I could only assume was based off of my character’s love interest in the show.)

Guy: *smirks* Nice outfit.

Me: Thanks! Made it myself.

Guy: Do you even know what you’re supposed to be?

Me: Um, [Character] from Sword Art Online?

Guy: Hmph. Well, our costumes fit each other. Wanna go out sometime?

Me: Sorry, buddy, I’m taken. *my boyfriend is talking with some friends of his, and I point to him*

Guy: *walks away while muttering* Stupid fake geek b****, doesn’t even know who she is…

Me: Excuse me? I’ll have you know that this is my favourite anime, and you should keep your sexist comments to yourself!

Guy: B****. At least I know the d*** show.

Me: Oh really?

(The guy smirks again as I burst into the show’s theme song, which is in Japanese.)

Me: Yume de takaku tonda
Karada wa donna fuan matotte mo furiharatteiku
Nemoru chiisa na omoi hirogaridashite
Kizuku yowai watashi kimi ga ireba
Kurai sekai, tsuyoku ireta
Nagai yume miru kokoro wa sou
Eien de!

(The guy’s mouth drops open and he runs away, while I get a round of applause.)