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How Not To Curry Favor

, , , , , , | Right | January 19, 2011

Me: “How may I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, am I calling India? Because I don’t want to be talking to some outsourced guy.”

Me: “No, sir, you are not.”

Customer: “I’ve been watching this TV show about how they can disguise their accents. How do I really know you aren’t in India?”

Me: “Sir, we are based out of Los Angeles.”

Customer: “Well, prove it, then. What’s the capital of Los Angeles?”


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An Open And Shut Case

, , , , | Right | December 6, 2010

Me: “Hello, [Tech Support]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I just got your wireless Internet thingy, but I’m not sure I like it.”

Me: “What’s wrong with it?”

Caller: “Oh, nothing’s wrong with it. It’s much faster than my old Internet; but do I always have to open my windows? I hate opening up the windows.”

Me: “What computer do you have?”

Caller: “I have a Mac.”

Me: “Then how do you–”

Caller: “Oh! No. Not that computer windows thing! I don’t have that! I mean my actual windows around my house!”

Me: “You’re… opening up you’re windows around your house?”

Caller: “Yes! And it’s really chilly today!”

Me: “Um, I hate to interrupt, but why is this relevant to your Internet problem?”

Caller: “Well, it’s wireless! It comes through the air, right? How else am I going to get it if the windows are closed?”

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Incheon Further Away From The Answer, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | September 26, 2010

(I’m an Asian Spanish/English interpreter in charge of taking care of our Spanish speaking customers. I approach a Mexican customer.)

Me: “Good afternoon. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Oh, my god, you speak Spanish!”

Me: “Yes, I do. It’s a service provided by our store for your convenience. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “But you’re Chinese!”

Me: “I’m actually Korean-born and raised in Argentina, so it’s easier for me to speak in Spanish.”

Customer: “That’s not possible! Chinese people only speak Chinese!”

Me: “I assure you I’m not Chinese and cannot speak Chinese at all.”

Customer: “But… but Chinese people should speak Chinese!”


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Without A Cake The Birthday Boy Will Be In Tiers

, , , , | Right | August 15, 2010

Me: “Oh, hi. Welcome to [Bakery]. What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I’d like to order a three-tiered cake for my son’s birthday party.”

Me: “Sure, no problem. We have a design book on that table behind you where you could look at some possible designs.”

Customer: “Okay. How long would it take you to make the cake?”

Me: “Well, it depends. If you get a simple design you might be able to pick it up by tomorrow afternoon, but if you get a more complicated design it may take three to four days.”

Customer: “Oh. That’s not gonna work for me.”

Me: “Why? What’s the problem?”

(The customer’s son runs inside the bakery.)

Customer’s Son: “Dad, come on! The party starts in an hour!”

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When Matter Doesn’t Matter

, , , , , , | Right | August 11, 2010

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have Gatorade?”

Me: “No, but we do have Powerade.”

Customer: “Does it have electrons in it?”

Me: “No, do you mean electrolytes?”

Customer: “No, electrons.”

Me: “I hope so.”


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