A-Salt-ed By Stupidity, Part 2

, , , , , , | Right | October 3, 2015

(I work for an online gourmet food shop. They sell all kinds of neat things, ranging from gourmet sea salts to flavored sugar and spice blends. I am working the phones when I get this beauty of a call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Do your natural sea salts have any sodium in them? I need sodium-free natural sea salts.”

(Now I know they make fake “sea salt” in labs for people who shouldn’t have too much salt, but these are NATURAL sea salts. CLEARLY LABELED.)

Me: “I’m afraid they do, ma’am.”

Customer: “Every last one of them? I need to find natural sea salt that doesn’t have any sodium in it!”

Me: “I’m… very sorry, ma’am. All of our natural sea salts do have sodium in them.”

Customer: “Ain’t that some bull****. F*** this place.” *click*


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Where Are They From, From?

, , , , | Friendly | August 24, 2015

(I am at a get together with my boyfriend, his sister, and her friends who I just met. I’m Chinese and prone to snark.)

Acquaintance: “[My Name], where are you from?”

Me: “I’m from the Bay Area. From a city called San Leandro.”

Acquaintance: “Well, I mean… Where are your parents from?”

Me: “They’re from there, too. I live with them.”

Acquaintance: “No, like… Where were they born?”

Me: “Oakland.”

(I thought it was funny, but I think I embarrassed him, so I felt a little bad.)


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Sherlock Hemlock Solves The Case

, , , , , | Right | July 4, 2014

(I am the customer in this story. It’s New Year’s Day and my mom’s family has a tradition where one cooks ham hocks and beans for good luck. I’m at the store and can’t find the ham hock.)

Me: “Excuse me.”

Employee: “Yes?”

Me: “Can you tell me where to find the hemlock please?”

Employee: “What?”

Me: “The hemlock.”

Employee: *pause* “What do you need it for?”

Me: “Oh, my family is coming over today and my mom is going to put it in beans.”

Employee: “Could you describe it for me?”

Me: “Um, it’s a part of a pig, attached to the leg—”

Employee: “Ham hock! Right this way.”


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The Difference Between Father And Son

, , , , , | Right | November 19, 2013

(A customer comes into my video game store with his teenage son in tow.)

Customer: “Hi, I bought this game yesterday. The guy who was here said that if I changed my mind, I could come back and exchange it for another game.”

(I notice the game has not only been opened but actually played.)

Me: “Okay, but you played this game.”

Customer: “Yeah, so?”

Me: “Well, usually exchanges are when the game hasn’t been played.”

Customer: “Well, the guy yesterday didn’t say anything about that! I want to talk to the manager. He said I could just exchange it if we didn’t like it! I just want the other game.”

Me: “Fine. Just pick out the other game you wanted.”

(The customer goes to shelf, pulls out the other game, and brings it back. I notice the game he’s returning is $15, while the other game is $20. I ring up the difference.)

Me: “That will be $5.35, please.”

Customer: “What? Why?”

Me: “$5.35 is the difference plus tax between the two games. The game you bought yesterday is $15, while this game is $20. The difference is $5 plus tax.”

Customer: “No! The guy yesterday didn’t say anything about paying MORE for exchanging the game!”

(As the customer says this, his son looks down uncomfortably.)

Me: “You can’t exchange a $15 item for a $20 item without paying the difference.”

Customer: “I’m not paying extra! He said I could exchange this one for the other one! He didn’t say anything about paying more.”

Me: “Sir, you can pay the $5 plus tax difference and take the new game, or you may keep the game you have already bought and played. Or, I can call mall security, and have you removed.”

Customer: *hands over the cash and departs*

Customer’s Son: “Sorry!”

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Kids Don’t Want To Be In Deep Trouble

, , , , | Right | August 23, 2013

(I am about 12 years old. I am on vacation with my family. There is no pool at the hotel in which we are staying, but the hotel staff have told us that they have a deal with the health club next door, and guests could use their pool. While my dad is in a work meeting, my mom takes my 10- and 6-year-old brothers and I to swim in the health club pool.)

Mom: “Hello! We’re here from [hotel] to use the pool!”

Receptionist: “You can’t use the pool.”

Mom: “Excuse me? Over at [hotel], they told me that we were allowed to come over here and use the pool!”

Receptionist: “Well they were wrong. Guests can only use the pool on weekends, and even then, we don’t allow children.”

Mom: “Well they told us we could use the pool, so would you mind checking with someone else?”

Receptionist: “Ugh. I don’t need to check with anyone else! You aren’t allowed to use the pool.”

Mom: “Well, we came to use the pool, so we’re going to use the pool! Come on, kids!”

(At this, my mom, who has my 6-year-old brother by the wrist, starts MARCHING towards where she assumes the pool is. My 10-year-old brother and I just stand there in shock.)

Mom: “Where is the pool?!”

Receptionist: “You CAN’T use the pool!”

(My mom has turned around, and notices that my brother and I aren’t following her.)

Mom: *to us* “What are you doing?! Come ON!”

(My brother and I just stand there, shaking our heads. Eventually realizing we weren’t going to follow her willingly, she charges toward us and we run out the door. Eventually, we go to the nearby mall instead, and she yells at us the whole way.)

Mom: “Why didn’t you come with me?! ‘Children, obey your parents!’ It’s in the Bible!”

Me: “Yes, but you were telling us to do something wrong! We weren’t gonna follow you when you were telling us to do something against the rules!”

Mom: “But she was wrong, and very rude about it!”

Me: “But she was in charge, and we still have to listen to her, until someone else tells her she’s wrong!”

10-Year-Old Brother: “Yeah! We weren’t gonna follow you, because we don’t wanna go to Hell like bad people!”

6-Year-Old-Brother: “At least you guys had a choice! She was gonna drag me down with her whether I liked it or not!”

(At this, we all start laughing, including my mom. My mom is still not the best customer, but at least she’s never done anything like this since!)

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