Human Sheep: The Movie

, , , , , | Right | November 16, 2017

(I work at a movie theater, and this happens almost every time there’s a line for a popular movie.)

Me: *collecting tickets* “Theater four, last door on your right. Enjoy the movie. Theater four, last door on your right. Enjoy the movie. Theater four, last door on your right. Enjoy the movie. Theater fo— your movie started ten minutes ago. Theater one, first door on your left.”

(Apparently, some people see a line, and they just get in it.)

1 Thumbs

“Should” Have Been An Easy Question

, , , , | Working | October 5, 2017

(I am meeting someone at LAX who’s coming in on an international flight, and we are going to meet and fly to Austin together that night. He informs me in the morning that his plane is going to be a few hours late because they had a late start, but he tells me when he should land. I wait and watch at the terminal as a bunch of people from his flight walk out and meet their loved ones, but I can’t find him. This is before I realize people with connecting flights go through a different set of doors. I don’t have his phone number yet, only social media platforms, but I’m getting bad reception. The following exchange is with the international customer service person.)

Me: “Hey, are the people who were on [flight number] done going through customs? Are all of them out yet?”

Customer Service: “That flight landed five hours ago. So, I believe they are done.”

Me: “No, it didn’t; it landed forty-five minutes ago. There was a delay that lasted a few hours.”

Customer Service: “But my paper says it landed in the morning.”

Me: “No, my friend told me that they would land at three, and they did. I saw a bunch of Aussies walking out with their airline pins and everything.”

Customer Service: “No, my paper says that plane landed at ten.”

Me: *getting frustrated* “Yes, it was supposed to land at ten, but it was late and landed at three. I just want to know how long going through customs takes.”

Customer Service: “You can talk to [Airline] about it. But my paper says ten.”

(We go in circles for a while, before I talk to the commercial airline on the second floor. They send me back down with an airline representative to help me explain my problem better.)

Airline Representative: “This young lady is asking if the people who were on [flight number] are all done with customs. The plane landed at three; it was late getting out of Sydney yesterday.”

Customer Service: “As I have said, my paper only says that it landed at ten.”

(Again, we went in circles, showing the customer service person the representative’s itinerary and repeating my story of seeing the airline hostess walking out. Finally, I decided, with the airline representatives help, to just go on my flight to Austin and find him there. I did, but to this day, my friend and I both laugh about the customer service’s insistence attitude about what time his plane SHOULD have landed.)

1 Thumbs

It’s Curtains For Public Nudity!

, , , , | Friendly | September 19, 2017

(Our college has a small gym and locker room, with three shower stalls with curtains for privacy. In fact, the locker room has a lot of little options and ways to change privately, so you don’t have to walk around naked if you don’t want to. I’m more introverted and modest, and I greatly appreciate the privacy. My friend is much more comfortable with her body and is very extroverted and talkative, although she doesn’t walk around in her birthday suit everyday. She’s in the middle stall, with me humming quietly to myself to the right of her, and a frustrated-sounding woman to the left of her, grunting and sighing. Suddenly, the woman to the left of my friend stops her shower, wraps herself in a towel, and marches over to my friend’s stall, yanking the curtain back.)

Friend: “Hey!”

Woman: “Would you STOP the-” *pause* “Whoops, sorry. Wrong one.”

(I freeze, realizing that the woman is probably upset with my humming and thought my friend was doing it. I had already stopped when I heard the commotion, but she apparently still wants to give me a piece of her mind, because I hear her squeaking footsteps coming towards me! The woman is just about to reach my stall before my friend manages to slide out of her shower and stop her, blocking the woman’s way by spreading her arms and legs out like a barrier.)

Friend: “NO!”

Woman: *recoiling and almost shrieking* “Gaaaah! Put on a towel!”

Friend: “Well, hey! YOU were the one who wanted to see me without permission! I’m NOT letting you see my friend without theirs!”

Woman: “Ew, ew, ew!Ew, ew, ew, ew, ewwww!”

(I hear the woman squeak away, and chuckles from other women who are standing in line for the showers. I poke my head out and see my friend still standing in the way of my stall, dripping wet and completely nude.)

Me: “Um… thank you. I didn’t know how fast I could’ve grabbed my towel without slipping.”

Friend: *still standing there* “No problem.”

Me: “She freaked out more than I thought, though. Why was she so grossed out?”

Friend: “That… was an accident. When I slid in front of her, she had been reaching out to grab your curtain away, and well… she kind of grabbed my boob, instead.”

Me: “…”

Friend: “Just a light slap, on the left one. A gentle cup. It definitely wasn’t intentional on my end, and I completely doubt it was intentional on hers, but it happened. She kind of scratched it when she pulled away, but it doesn’t hurt-“

Me: “[Friend]?”

Friend: “Yeah?”

Me: “Your shower’s still on.”

Friend: “OH CRAP!”

(We finished up quickly and laughed about the experience afterwards. Thankfully, there weren’t that many other people in the line that we took shower-time away from, and they all forgave us anyway. We occasionally see that one woman, but she never makes eye-contact with us now. I don’t hum to myself anymore, though, just to prevent the situation from ever happening again!)

1 Thumbs

The Force Is Stroppy With This One

, , , , | Friendly | August 21, 2017

(I am hanging out with a friend of mine when an acquaintance joins us, looking annoyed. I kind of think him to be sort of rude, but my friend seems to like him so I think that it’s just his personality. I am female, while my friend and acquaintance are male.)

Acquaintance: *to Friend* “I saw your sister half an hour ago.”

Friend: “Oh, yeah? How is she?”

Acquaintance: “All right. We were talking about Star Wars.”

Me: “Cool! Y’know, I hadn’t seen The Force Awakens when it was in theaters, but last night-”

Acquaintance: “Where did YOU know about Star Wars?”

Me: “Uh, well from [Friend] and [Friend’s Sister], actually.”

Acquaintance: “Tch, figures. Knew it would be, anyway.”

(I don’t know what that means, but am already put off from his behavior towards me. My friend’s also confused by that reply so he tries to defuse the tension.)

Friend: “Well, yeah! [Sister] and I are huge nerds. My sister’s actually more-”

Acquaintance: “Oh, by the way, who introduced YOU to Star Wars?”

Friend: “What?”

Acquaintance: “Who introduced you?”

Friend: “I, uh… wow, I’ve never really thought of that. My mom? I guess? Yeah. We have the originals on VHS but she’s not as obsessed with the material.

Me: “What are you talking about? She’s a waaay bigger nerd than the both of you!”

Friend: “Not with sci-fi! And she doesn’t go to cons like us.”

Me: “She does tabletop and LARPs!”

(We laugh, except for Acquaintance who just… stares at us. We stop, and there’s an awkward moment of silence until Acquaintance narrows his eyes.)

Acquaintance: “You talked to your f****** sister before this, huh?”

(With that, he slung his bag over his shoulder and left. We had no idea what the hell set him off and why he was being so sketchy until we talked to my friend’s sister. Apparently, they were sharing an okay chat until he saw her Stormtrooper pin and began interrogating her about what she knew to figure out if she was a “real fan.” She had basically said the same thing about their mother and he vehemently disagreed with her, somehow knowing the “truth” that it was her brother that introduced her. She made a crack about that meaning her brother learned everything through osmosis and dared him to ask her brother for himself. He apparently did and, for all we know, is still entirely convinced that Sister had warned us to help him make a fool of himself. We don’t hang out with him anymore and he always makes a sour face when we accidentally see each other around campus.)

1 Thumbs

A New Definition Of Puppy Love

, , , , | Romantic | August 16, 2017

My boyfriend has a untrained dog who, embarrassingly, jumps on people any chance he can get, and humps legs. One day my boyfriend came home from walking him, while I was cleaning under the TV stand, and yep, the dog tackled me and went to town before I could shove him off.

Later that month, I had a doctor’s appointment and found out I was pregnant! We had been trying, but my boyfriend was a little quiet at first. Everything went well, and when I had my ultrasound we found out we were having twins.

I told my boyfriend, “I know you’ve been worried about fatherhood, but I know everything will be fine with our little girls. My mother’s going to help out financially, and we have enough room in the nursery for a second crib.”

He replied, “It’s not the money that worried me. I’m just glad you’re not having puppies.”

1 Thumbs