This is how my little sister unknowingly helped me assert myself at work.

When I was in college, my younger sister, about 17, worked for a call center. She told me about how she was instructed to handle creeps and rude jerks, which she had opportunity to practice. If a guy called in and started yelling, making inappropriate comments, breathing heavy, etc., she would very pleasantly say something along the lines of, first, “Excuse me, sir, please don’t talk to me like that,” second, “Excuse me, sir, but if you continue to talk to me like that, I’m going to have to hang up,” and third, “Excuse me, sir, but you have continued to talk to me like that, so I’m going to hang up now,” and hang up.

After college, I took a job working with people with special needs and moved up to supervisor. I worked with a particular man and met his mom. She was generally okay, though she condescendingly told me my own life experience of a similar illness, which I had shared to say that I understood, didn’t count. When I became a supervisor of another department, my former supervisor — an awful, condescending person herself — warned me that this woman can be pretty awful and keep you on the phone for an hour. 

Then, one day, with my former supervisor nearby, she called. She didn’t appreciate me pairing her son with another participant due to staff calling out sick, but I prioritized my participants, so I know I was doing what seemed best for everyone. I told her specifically that I had to prioritize everyone as a whole, not just her son. But she continued yelling, insulting my ability to do my job, my lack of consideration, etc.

The yelling after I explained myself only lasted a couple of minutes. I remembered my sister and cut in with, “Ma’am. Ma’am! MA’AM! It is not okay for you to talk to me like that.” I heard her sputter, and say, “Uh… Oh, oh. I’m sorry.” And we ended the call calmly. Since then, I know to just call it out; name it. No insults or anger or bickering are needed to put someone back in their place. Not that it always works, but it often does.

I believe, though we never said a word about it, that my former supervisor had been waiting to enjoy my suffering and thus legitimize herself, and that makes this memory that much better.

(My writing group meets in a church that also offers a lot of other programs like AA, trauma support, and just general sanctuary as we have a huge homeless population. I arrive a little early for a writing group one day and there is a homeless man standing on the porch. I pass him and pull on the door.) 

Homeless Man: “It’s not open yet.”

Me: “Oh, okay. I guess I’m a little too early.”

(We stand and chat for a minute, and then my writing group leader shows up, giving the homeless man a huge, cartoonish berth to open the door even though we are practically standing right next to each other. The leader and I go into the meeting room and the homeless man goes into the sanctuary. We have our meeting and everything’s good until the end, when this happens.)

Group Leader: “Okay, that’s our meeting for tonight. Now for some announcements. I know there was a homeless guy earlier in the church. I asked him what he was doing here and he said he was charging his phone, but you guys don’t need to be uncomfortable because I asked him to leave.” 

Me: “Wait, you asked him to leave?!”

Group Leader: “Yes, he was making people uncomfortable sitting in the sanctuary.”

Me: “I spoke to him a bit on the porch. He was fine. Not dangerous or anything. They’re allowed to be in the sanctuary if they’re not causing any harm.”

Group Leader: “Well, he was making people uncomfortable. He’s gone now, so none of you need to be scared walking out.”

(I did leave, and I looked around for the guy hoping he hadn’t gone too far so I could at least apologize to him for her behavior, but I couldn’t find him. I still feel so bad about it; how could someone be so jerky as to oust a homeless guy from a CHURCH?!)

(I am a barista at a cafe. A young woman approaches the counter, furiously texting away on her phone.)

Me: “Good morning. What would you like today?”

Customer: *continues texting on her phone*

Me: *louder* “Good morning! What would you like today?”

Customer: *not looking up* “Latte!”

Me: “Okay, would you like that for here or to go?”

Customer: “Soy milk!”

Me: “Okay, and will that be for here or to go?”

Customer: “Soy milk!“

Me: *louder* “Would you like that for here or to go?“

Customer: “Oh. To go.”

Me: “Okay. That will be [amount]. Are you paying cash or card?”

Customer: *annoyed* “I already said it’s to go!” 

Me: “Cash or card?“

(The customer wordlessly hands over her card so I take it, process the transaction, and then go to make her drink. The entire time, she remains transfixed on her phone, still texting away. On a whim, I decide to make an iced soy latte, as well, just in case.)

Me: *handing the woman her latte* “Here you are, miss.”

(The customer looks down at her drink, and then finally looks up at me for the first time.)

Customer: *angrily* “It was supposed to be iced!”

(What can I say? Called it!)

(I work at a somewhat high-end boutique. A woman comes in; she quickly begins explaining to me that she usually wears designer — like David Yurman on her wrist — but she delights in small businesses and frequently shops in this store. She chooses two necklaces after some time, between our conversing over how her investments in designer items will be worth a fortune soon. I am actually interested and find her unique, albeit curious in mannerisms and speech. We are checking out as I put one necklace in a box and wrap it, and begin doing the same for the second necklace.)

Customer: “You don’t have to give me two boxes. I’m just going to unwrap them when I get home.”

Me: “No, I would really like to. You can reuse the boxes once you’re done; they’re great for gifts.”

Customer: “No, they cost you guys money. Just one box, please.”

Me: *hesitantly* “I’m afraid they’ll get tangled! It’s honestly not any trouble—”

Customer: *firmly* “No, one box. Thank you, but it would be a waste. I don’t want it.”

(I put both necklaces in one box. They’re “locked” in place by foam, and I set them in the bag with enough tissue, just in case. Days pass. On the weekend, my boss asks about that very woman and if I had dealt with her. I say yes. I am excited; we had a delightful exchange and I feel I built a good rapport with her.)

Boss: “Yeah, she’s a little weird. A little off.”

Me: “Really? I couldn’t tell. Why do you say that?”

Boss: *hesitantly* “I know she’s lying because I know you wouldn’t do this, but she called me up and yelled, like, ‘Your employee put my two $50 necklaces in one box! I specifically asked her to put them in separate boxes but she refused! Now, they’re tangled and I can’t wear either of them!’ I was like, ‘I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. Come on in and I would be happy to fix them, I have the tools, blah, blah.’ Then she starts yelling again about how I should teach my employees to ‘never put two necklaces in one box.’ Then I’m like, ‘Actually, my employee would never do that. This sounds nothing like her, honestly. Now, I can fix them if you bring them in. Is that okay?’ She then gets really loud and says, ‘Maybe I should have just worn one of them out of the store, around my big, fat neck!’ I was like, ‘Ooookaaaaaay.’ I know you wouldn’t do that. She’s always been weird to me. I didn’t even want to tell you, because you did nothing wrong.”

(I explained what had actually happened and my boss understood; she said she’s done the same thing, but it’s now policy to never share boxes for necklaces. I’m just grateful my boss defended me without even hearing my side of the story. Why did she call and lie to my boss so blatantly? Perhaps to have an exchange or refund? Regardless, my boss and I have recently noted she hasn’t been in since.)

(I work at a restaurant where you follow your pizza down the line and employees customize it for you. I’m blessed to have very few nasty customers and lots of funny ones. In case you’ve never worked in a restaurant, it’s important to note that you get really good at figuring out what people are asking for, even with vague gestures, little English, or the wrong words. Here are some very common conversations:)

Me: “What kind of sauce would you like?”

Customer #1: “Mozzarella.”

Me: “Mozzarella… sauce?”

Customer #1: “Yes.”

(The customer’s friend and I start laughing.)

Customer #1: “Wait! I meant marinara sauce! And mozzarella cheese!”

Me: *still laughing* “I know. You can follow your pizza down the line.”

(Another typical conversation:)

Me: “Okay, so one [signature pizza]. Would you like any salad?”

Customer #2’s Friend: “HA! Does he look like he eats salad?”

Me: “So bacon and ham, and would you like any other meats?”

Customer #2: “Yeah, pineapple.”

Me: *grins* “You mean pepperoni?”

Customer #2: “What? Wait, yes! Pepperoni, not pineapple!”

(And another conversation:)

Me: “Hi! Welcome to [Restaurant]! Have you been here before or would you like me to explain the menu?”

Customer #3: “I want a pizza.”

Me: “Well, that’s a good choice… How about I explain the menu to you?” *after customer orders* “Is that all?”

Customer #3: “Yep!”

Me: *to this customer’s friend* “Would you like to order anything?”

Customer #3’s Friend: “Huh? No, I’m just… Uh… No, thanks…”

Me: “Oh, you’re just here for moral support?”

Everyone: *busts up laughing*