It’s Curtains For Public Nudity!

, , , , | Friendly | September 19, 2017

(Our college has a small gym and locker room, with three shower stalls with curtains for privacy. In fact, the locker room has a lot of little options and ways to change privately, so you don’t have to walk around naked if you don’t want to. I’m more introverted and modest, and I greatly appreciate the privacy. My friend is much more comfortable with her body and is very extroverted and talkative, although she doesn’t walk around in her birthday suit everyday. She’s in the middle stall, with me humming quietly to myself to the right of her, and a frustrated-sounding woman to the left of her, grunting and sighing. Suddenly, the woman to the left of my friend stops her shower, wraps herself in a towel, and marches over to my friend’s stall, yanking the curtain back.)

Friend: “Hey!”

Woman: “Would you STOP the-” *pause* “Whoops, sorry. Wrong one.”

(I freeze, realizing that the woman is probably upset with my humming and thought my friend was doing it. I had already stopped when I heard the commotion, but she apparently still wants to give me a piece of her mind, because I hear her squeaking footsteps coming towards me! The woman is just about to reach my stall before my friend manages to slide out of her shower and stop her, blocking the woman’s way by spreading her arms and legs out like a barrier.)

Friend: “NO!”

Woman: *recoiling and almost shrieking* “Gaaaah! Put on a towel!”

Friend: “Well, hey! YOU were the one who wanted to see me without permission! I’m NOT letting you see my friend without theirs!”

Woman: “Ew, ew, ew!Ew, ew, ew, ew, ewwww!”

(I hear the woman squeak away, and chuckles from other women who are standing in line for the showers. I poke my head out and see my friend still standing in the way of my stall, dripping wet and completely nude.)

Me: “Um… thank you. I didn’t know how fast I could’ve grabbed my towel without slipping.”

Friend: *still standing there* “No problem.”

Me: “She freaked out more than I thought, though. Why was she so grossed out?”

Friend: “That… was an accident. When I slid in front of her, she had been reaching out to grab your curtain away, and well… she kind of grabbed my boob, instead.”

Me: “…”

Friend: “Just a light slap, on the left one. A gentle cup. It definitely wasn’t intentional on my end, and I completely doubt it was intentional on hers, but it happened. She kind of scratched it when she pulled away, but it doesn’t hurt-“

Me: “[Friend]?”

Friend: “Yeah?”

Me: “Your shower’s still on.”

Friend: “OH CRAP!”

(We finished up quickly and laughed about the experience afterwards. Thankfully, there weren’t that many other people in the line that we took shower-time away from, and they all forgave us anyway. We occasionally see that one woman, but she never makes eye-contact with us now. I don’t hum to myself anymore, though, just to prevent the situation from ever happening again!)

The Force Is Stroppy With This One

, , , , | Friendly | August 21, 2017

(I am hanging out with a friend of mine when an acquaintance joins us, looking annoyed. I kind of think him to be sort of rude, but my friend seems to like him so I think that it’s just his personality. I am female, while my friend and acquaintance are male.)

Acquaintance: *to Friend* “I saw your sister half an hour ago.”

Friend: “Oh, yeah? How is she?”

Acquaintance: “All right. We were talking about Star Wars.”

Me: “Cool! Y’know, I hadn’t seen The Force Awakens when it was in theaters, but last night-”

Acquaintance: “Where did YOU know about Star Wars?”

Me: “Uh, well from [Friend] and [Friend’s Sister], actually.”

Acquaintance: “Tch, figures. Knew it would be, anyway.”

(I don’t know what that means, but am already put off from his behavior towards me. My friend’s also confused by that reply so he tries to defuse the tension.)

Friend: “Well, yeah! [Sister] and I are huge nerds. My sister’s actually more-”

Acquaintance: “Oh, by the way, who introduced YOU to Star Wars?”

Friend: “What?”

Acquaintance: “Who introduced you?”

Friend: “I, uh… wow, I’ve never really thought of that. My mom? I guess? Yeah. We have the originals on VHS but she’s not as obsessed with the material.

Me: “What are you talking about? She’s a waaay bigger nerd than the both of you!”

Friend: “Not with sci-fi! And she doesn’t go to cons like us.”

Me: “She does tabletop and LARPs!”

(We laugh, except for Acquaintance who just… stares at us. We stop, and there’s an awkward moment of silence until Acquaintance narrows his eyes.)

Acquaintance: “You talked to your f****** sister before this, huh?”

(With that, he slung his bag over his shoulder and left. We had no idea what the hell set him off and why he was being so sketchy until we talked to my friend’s sister. Apparently, they were sharing an okay chat until he saw her Stormtrooper pin and began interrogating her about what she knew to figure out if she was a “real fan.” She had basically said the same thing about their mother and he vehemently disagreed with her, somehow knowing the “truth” that it was her brother that introduced her. She made a crack about that meaning her brother learned everything through osmosis and dared him to ask her brother for himself. He apparently did and, for all we know, is still entirely convinced that Sister had warned us to help him make a fool of himself. We don’t hang out with him anymore and he always makes a sour face when we accidentally see each other around campus.)

A New Definition Of Puppy Love

, , , , | Romantic | August 16, 2017

My boyfriend has a untrained dog who, embarrassingly, jumps on people any chance he can get, and humps legs. One day my boyfriend came home from walking him, while I was cleaning under the TV stand, and yep, the dog tackled me and went to town before I could shove him off.

Later that month, I had a doctor’s appointment and found out I was pregnant! We had been trying, but my boyfriend was a little quiet at first. Everything went well, and when I had my ultrasound we found out we were having twins.

I told my boyfriend, “I know you’ve been worried about fatherhood, but I know everything will be fine with our little girls. My mother’s going to help out financially, and we have enough room in the nursery for a second crib.”

He replied, “It’s not the money that worried me. I’m just glad you’re not having puppies.”

Schooling Them On Your Schooling

, , , , | Friendly | August 14, 2017

(I am a 20-year-old female. I am 4’11” and 100 pounds… the same exact height and weight I was when I was 12. I’m also an actor, and since I’m young-looking I book roles frequently for teenagers and preteens. I have booked a role for a show that takes place at a high school. They need me on a day they are filming at a museum because they are shooting a field trip scene. I drive to the museum, park in the section that they bought for the day for the production, and walk into the main square. Apparently several middle schools are having actual field trips so there are tons of students and chaperones. I see no sign of a TV crew. I walk up to the first woman I see.)

Me: “Hey, do you know where the production for [Show] is?”

Woman: *looks very confused* “What? What school are you from?”

(I realized that I am being mistaken for a teenager and not an adult. I smile.)

Me: “Oh. Haha, no, I’m not here with a school. I booked a role for a show and they’re filming here today. I just don’t know where they are.”

Woman: *scowls, clearly not believing me* “Look, I’m not here to play games. Go get back in line with your group. Who is your chaperone?”

(I sigh and start to walk away because I don’t deal well with people who don’t listen.)

Woman: “Hey, don’t just walk away! Go to your line!”

Me: “I am 20 f****** years old, and I’m here today to play a student for a major show for Hulu. Sorry you don’t listen to other adults when they talk to you. I’m not a god-d*** minor, so piss off.”

(Instant regret flashed over her face as she tried to come up with a response. Later that day she saw us filming on the other side of a large room and we made eye contact. It was awkward.)

Asking On The Cuff

, , , , , | Right | August 8, 2017

(The phone rings.)

Manager: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [Manager]. How can I help you?”

Female Caller: “A man is going to call you and ask if you sell handcuffs. Tell him you don’t.”

(About two hours later, the phone rings again.)

Male Caller: “Hey, um, do you sell handcuffs?”

Manager: “Yes.”

Male Caller: “I’m parked in the back. If I give you my card, could you bring me the handcuff keys?”

(My manager went into the back parking lot to find that this guy had been handcuffed to his steering wheel. Instead of making him pay for handcuffs, my manager pulled out his key and unlocked them. Not only had this woman gotten mad enough to handcuff him to the steering wheel, she called every adult store in the area to tell them not to sell him keys. Hell hath no fury…)

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