Bowling for Come-Ups

, , , , , , , , | Related | November 5, 2017

(My daughter’s father and I have separated, and she is crying a lot in school because of it. We have a meeting with her teacher, and she suggests maybe making a CD that our daughter can listen to in school to help calm her down. On the drive home, we are discussing what songs we can put on there.)

Daughter’s Father: “There’s this one song I put on when she’s with me that she likes dancing to.”

Me: “Is it school-appropriate?”

Daughter’s Father: “Yeah, it’s by Michael Moore.”

Me: “…”

Daughter’s Father: “…”

Me: “Who?”

Daughter’s Father: “Michael Moore. You know, the thrift store song guy!”

Me: “You mean Macklemore?!”

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 69

, , , , , , | Right | September 26, 2017

Me: “Your total is $31.39. You can insert your card when you’re ready.”

(The customer inserts her card, and it’s declined.)

Me: “Sorry, your card was declined. Do you want to try another card?”

(The customer tries the same card and it’s once again declined.)

Customer: “So, am I good?”

Me: “No, sorry. It was declined again.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “…”

Customer: “I don’t get it.”

Me: “Your card was declined. You’ll have to call your bank if you think it’s a mistake. It may have a protection on it.”

(The customer hands me the card.)

Me: “I can’t do anything on my end. You’ll have to call your bank.”

Customer: “But it’s all the way in [Next Town Over].”

Me: “You can just call them, and I’ll hold your things.”

Customer: *pulls out cash, but not enough to cover all of it* “What about if I just buy one? How much is one?”

Me: “You can do that; just let me know which one to take off. If you buy one, it’ll be $15 plus tax.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “Which color would you like?”

Customer: “So, now what? What do I do?”

Me: “You need to choose a color.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “Blue or black?”

Customer: “…”

Me: “I need to void one of these items in order to finish the transaction.”

(The customer stays quiet for a few moments, as she processes this life or death decision.)

Customer: “I want the black one.”

Me: *quickly takes payment and waits for the customer to leave before turning to my coworker, who witnessed it all* “Are my ears bleeding?”

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