Obviously That Way

, , , , | Right | April 11, 2018

(I am just getting off work at [Large Chain Store], and am waiting outside in uniform for my ride to come pick me up. Keep in mind that the uniform has the store’s name and logo on it, in addition to the store’s name being plastered onto the side of the store, and a large sign advertising for the store is out front. At this time, a woman drives up to me.)

Woman: “Excuse me, is this [Large Chain Store]?”

Me: *looks at the store*

Me: *looks at my shirt*

Me: *looks at the sign*

Me: “No, it’s around the block.”

Woman: “Thank you!” *drives off*

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I Have Twenty-Dollar Vision

, , , , , , | Right | March 27, 2018

(I’m a backup cashier at my store; mostly I stock, but I ring when the store gets backed up. With a line to the back of the store one day, I’ve spent most of my shift at my register, when a woman comes up with two or three items at a dollar each.)

Customer: “Oh, I can’t find my ten. Here’s a twenty.”

(I continue ringing up her items as she fishes through her purse. She lays a bill on my belt. It’s one of the new ten-dollar bills that are bright yellow, and look nothing like the green-and-pink twenties.)

Me: “Oh, you found your ten?”

(The customer says nothing, and I give her the change.)

Customer: *bristling* “Um, excuse me. You owe me another ten dollars.”

Me: “I’m sorry? You gave me a ten.”

Customer: “I gave you twenty! You owe me ten dollars in change!”

(She continues to make a scene as the line backs up further; the person behind her is looking at her like she’s insane. The manager comes over and opens my drawer. There are no twenties anywhere; we keep them under the drawer, which I know I didn’t lift. At this point, she is threatening to call the police over ten dollars. The manager reassures her that we’ll audit my drawer. The computer spits out the number I should be at and we count the money. Sure enough, it’s spot on, not a penny over.)

Customer: *now getting huffy* “Well, obviously, something is wrong with the machine. I gave you a twenty. I’m returning everything and calling the police.”

(As she reached into her wallet, where she had stuffed her receipt, what should fall out with it but a twenty-dollar bill. The manager just stared until she left.)

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Unable To Print In Color

, , , , | Right | March 24, 2018

(I am working at the reference desk. A patron walks over from the computer lab. We are unable to see anything in the computer lab from the reference desk.)

Patron: “Who was that black woman who took one of my printed pages? I know she did it on purpose! I want to know who she is!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we can’t see anything in the computer lab from the reference desk.”

Patron: “Well, can’t you use the computer sign-in to tell me who did it? It’s right here.” *points at clipboard, which is only used for people who need guest passes*

(I point out that I still wouldn’t be able to match a name to a face.)

Patron: “Well, can’t you just separate the blacks from the whites, then?”

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Can’t Even Handle Five Dollars, Let Alone A Million

, , , , , | Right | March 8, 2018

(A customer walks up to the counter.)

Me: “Hi, how are you?”

(The customer gives me a smile.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

(The customer puts a dollar bill on the counter, puts a bunch of coins on top of it, and slides it towards me.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

(The customer slides the money closer to me.)

Me: “What is it you want me to do with this?”

(The guy gives me a blank stare.)

Customer: “I want a five dollar bill for that.”

Me: “Oh, okay.”

(I open the drawer, count his change, and give him a five dollar bill. He slides the bill back to me and stares again.)

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “Can I buy five dollars of lottery with this?”

Me: “Oh, sure. You have to say that, though.”

Customer: “You couldn’t tell?”

Me: “No.”

(The guy gives me a blank stare.)

Me: “You could have paid with the change, too.”

Customer: “But I needed five dollars for lottery.”

Me: “The coin came to five dollars, though.”

Customer: “I guess it did.”

(I slide him the lottery ticket.)

Me: “Can I help you with anything else?”

(The customer walks away.)

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No Business Of Mein

, , , , , | Right | March 5, 2018

(On my first day of training at a major bookstore, this happens.)

Customer: *sets down “Mein Kampf”* “Don’t ask.”

Me: “…”

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