Somehow Seriously Suggestive Sentences

, , , , , | Romantic | November 18, 2018

(My boyfriend and I have a tricky arrangement where he works almost two hours away and stays there rather than commuting every day. He usually comes home for a long weekend, but something comes up and he has to stay for two weeks.)

Me: “I wish you were here. For snuggling. And smooching.”

Boyfriend: *laughs* “And other things that begin with S?”

Me: “Slow-dancing?”

Boyfriend: “No, the other thing.”

Me: “Supper by candlelight?”

Boyfriend: “Noooo…”

Me: “A sweet sunset stroll, holding handssssssss?”

Boyfriend: “Good alliteration, but no, try again.”

Me: “Wait, did I already say smooching?”

Boyfriend: “Yes.”

Me: “What about esssssssss-kimo kisses?”

Boyfriend: “Wow.”

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Either Way, You’re Both Just Nuts

, , , , | Romantic | March 16, 2018

(My long-distance boyfriend and I are messaging, asking about each other’s days and so forth. He asks me what I have been doing today. I’ve been working on the same project that I’ve been working on the past several days, so I tell him to guess. After a few deliberately ridiculous guesses, he guesses correctly: I’ve been working on the music for my studio’s upcoming recital.)

Me: “Yes, I was working on music, you nut.”

Boyfriend: *sends emoji of a hazelnut*

Me: “Ooh! Hazelnuts are my favorite nuts!”

Boyfriend: “Wait, I thought I was your favorite nut!”

Me: “Well, cannibalism is frowned upon in most societies.”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, I hope I’m not your favorite nut to eat.”

Me: “Besides, I said hazelnuts were my favorite nuts. Plural. You’re my favorite nut, singular.”

Boyfriend: “Aw, thanks!”

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Long Distance Is So Easy I Can Do It In My Sleep

, , , , , , | Romantic | December 31, 2017

(At this time my boyfriend and I are long-distance, and both in school. He’s commuting an hour and back to school every day. We video call before going to bed. I share a bedroom, and my roommate lets me know when she’s getting ready for bed so I can end the conversation or move to the living room.)

Roommate: *coming into bedroom* “When are you guys planning to go to sleep?”

Me: “I don’t know. Sweetie, when are you going to sleep?”

Boyfriend: *sounding quite drowsy* “As often as possible.”

Roommate: *cracking up* “That means now.”

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Waffling On About All Kinds Of Things

, , , , | Friendly | September 18, 2017

(I’m in an online chat room with a friend of mine. I’m Belgian, he’s Irish, and he’s just invited a new, British friend to the group to play an online game or two together.)

British Friend: “Where are you from?”

Me: “Belgium.”

British Friend: “I know next to nothing about your country. Not even a stereotype. Anything you guys are known for?”

Me: “We’re known for chocolate, beer, waffles, pedophiles, and french fries.”

(There’s a pause after this, and after about 20 seconds he replies.)

British Friend: “Oh, I love waffles!”

(We quickly became good friends after that.)

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My Moon And My Stars

, , , | Romantic | September 4, 2017

(I’m swapping silly “I love yous” with my significant other:)

Me: “Also, I earths you.”

Me: “…and moons…”

Me: “…and other assorted celestial bodies.”

Significant Other: “You moons me?”

Me: “Uh… that was maybe poorly phrased.”

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