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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 9

, , , , | Right | February 23, 2011

(I’m setting a customer up for a pre-authorized payment so her checking account pays her credit card automatically on the due date. I’m going over all the details.)

Me: “If there aren’t sufficient funds in the bank account at the time of payment, an NSF fee will be charged.”

Customer: “What?! You mean I have to have money in my bank account?”


This story is part of the More-Customers-Bad-With-Money roundup!

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Massive Fan But Sadly Not A Breeze

, , , , , | Right | February 22, 2011

(Customer calls to order some Justin Bieber-printed merchandise. We get to the checkout phase.)

Me: “Right, that’s [price].”

Caller: “I’m a massive fan. Can I get a fan discount?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Caller: “I’m a member of the fan club. I should get a discount for that or something!”

Me: “I’m sorry, madam, but we aren’t able to give that kind of discount.”

Caller: “This is appalling. You should give his fans money off! We deserve it! His fans shouldn’t have to pay as much for his products!”

Me: “Madam, I doubt anyone who wasn’t a fan would be buying these anyway. So, technically, you are getting the fan price.”

(Silence.)

Caller: “Screw this. I’ll do it online!”


This story is part of our Demands For Discounts roundup!

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That’s A Very Good Point

, , , , | Right | January 26, 2011

Customer #1: “What size needles do I need to use?”

Customer #2: “Well, it depends on the tension of your knitting.”

Customer #1: “Oh, I’m quite loose.”

Customer #2: *laughs* “I wouldn’t say that in this town. You might get in trouble.”

Technology To Shout About

, , , , | Right | January 14, 2011

Me: “Hello, sir, I’ve just come to put a microphone on you.”

Client: “I hate those things. Do I need one? I can project.”

Me: “You have an audio conference call on this event, so you need to speak into a microphone. Otherwise, people calling in won’t hear anything.”

Client: “Can’t I just shout?”

Me: “From London to Mumbai?”


This story is included in our Even-More-Impossible requests roundup!

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Completely Self-Immersed

, , , , | Right | December 28, 2010

Swimmer: “Could you please close the doors? There’s a draft coming into the pool.”

Me: “Sure.”

(After closing the pool, a customer watching her child swim calls me over.)

Mother: “Could you please leave the doors open? I’m claustrophobic.”

Me: “Of course!”

(After opening the doors again, the swimmer talks to me.)

Swimmer: “Why are the doors open?”

Me: “A customer here is claustrophobic, and asked me to leave the doors open.”

Swimmer: *yelling angrily* “What’s more important, her claustrophobia, or my comfort?”


This story is part of the Entitled Customers roundup!

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